One Hundred Shades of Forever.

Chapter Eleven.

Chapter Eleven:

 Justin’s Point Of View:

             If someone could die of having too much sweat come off of their hands I think I’d be buried in just a few short moments. I’ve never been so nervous in my entire life and even though I’m trying to act like everything was fine between Sophia and I, it wasn’t. This morning scared the shit out of me and even though she said we could be friends – whatever the hell that means – and even though she promised she’d call me later, when she walked out that door again without me going with her I got anxiety again.

             Before I didn’t have anxiety, but now I do. I think it was after her leaving me but in no way shape or form is this her fault. This is one hundred percent my doing and I have to pay for the consequences. I guess it just happened to be anxiety.

            We were currently walking out of the building now and the photographers were awaiting our arrival. I wanted to grab her and protect her from the lights but the thing that was making me upset was that her arms were wrapped around her waist. Her wardrobe was different than it usually was but I liked it. I really liked it. I kind of wish I could tell her that but then again, I had to keep reminding myself she was still on the fence about us.

            “Is there a back door?” I asked.

            She immediately turned around and grabbed me by the sleeve of my sweater to pull me back inside. It’s crazy how just the littlest touch from her, the way it brushes against my skin, gets my heart rate pacing a million beats a minute it feels like.

            The back door to the apartment building opened and we were suddenly in an alley with a bunch of trash surrounding it. I certainly don’t approve of where she’s staying but I also know that if I tell her my thoughts about this dump she’ll hate me even more. I’m beyond proud of her that she was able to get this place by herself but it took everything for me not to send her money.

            “You didn’t drive?” She asked.

            “Well I have someone here to drive us but he’s parked around front. I have a place in mind for us to go but I didn’t really want them to follow us so I just thought this would be a better option.“

            “Right.” She muttered.

            I don’t understand why she’s being like this. When she was drunk that night it was like we used to be. She looked at me the way she used to. Like I was the only living and breathing thing that existed on this entire earth. Now she just looked at me as if I were the last thing she wanted to see.

            “Sophia.”

            I gently tried to grab her wrist and she finally turned to look at me, the hurt evident as the tears brimmed in her eyes. I feel like the biggest screw up in the world.

            “We don’t have to take a car. If you want to just stay here or go back inside that’s okay with me too. I know my life is difficult, okay? I’m trying to make this as normal of a night as possible. Please just don’t give up yet.”

            “Justin I’m not giving up.” She whispered. “This is just so hard. All of the damn memories keep flooding back and whenever I think about them I feel like I’ve just been stabbed in the chest. It’s hard for me to do this. It’s hard for me to look at you and be around you knowing what you did to me. This whole friends thing is going to be hard but I just don’t want to go anywhere tonight and I hope you can understand that. I didn’t want to go out tonight in the first place because everything is so confusing. You can’t just come right back and expect everything to be fine between us because it isn’t.”