TANTRIC (Book 3 of the Soundcrush Series)

Chapter 62: Hippie Chics Surrender To Their Dark Side

Okay, pay attention to the time stamp here. We are backing up in time three days from the last chapter, to Ashlynn and Cam's "morning after." So  in the next chapter we will catch back up to the present...the day Leed  and Bodie went surfing, and Leeddecides to dry out and salvage his upcoming performance...

Got it? Good!

Ashlynn, Three Mornings Ago

The ceiling in Cam's trendy apartment has sixty-four oversized tin ceiling tiles. I've counted them at least twenty times since I woke up. It's easier to lie here and ponder their intricate design than decide what to do next.

I want to leave, but I can't bring myself to be that cruel to Cam. So I just keep counting.

Finally, he stirs, making that gently murmuring smiley sound that is probably what melted my panties off at fifteen. He's automatically reaching for me, sliding his hand along my naked left hip, fingers pushing up under the nude "shapewear" corset that I managed to keep on, because Cam thought it was hot and romantic to sex me in pretty lingerie, instead of half dressed in the back of a car.

I automatically push his hand away and I feel his body stiffen slightly at the rejection. I close my eyes and pull his hand in mine. "Your hands are cold," I murmur, chafing his fingers between mine. He relaxes, threading his other arm beneath me and pulling me back against this chest, lacing all of our hands together.

"Sorry," he kisses me behind the ear and I try to relax into it. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Good. How are you?"

"Good?" he snorts. "Only good?"

He knows last night was the best sex we've ever had together, but he needs the validation. I manage a smile as I turn to him. "I feel great, Dr. Martin. Thoroughly satisfied. You're just getting better with age."

It's true. I guess his brief stint sexing a different girl every night taught him a lot. He made me come in spite of myself. I was nervous and conflicted and distracted at first but he peeled all that away with sensual skills. And I came really hard, too. Almost like my soul was fighting against it, but my body betrayed me and I couldn't help it. So there was a lot of intensity there, which I'm sure Cam mistook for...passion? Maybe even restored love?

He kisses me gently and whispers. "I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that, baby. I know...I know I used to be kind of a selfish douche in this department. I promise you, that's not how I want it to be this time. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do—it makes for a much happier relationship overall, don't you think?"

My skin prickles, and I bite my lip. There's a lot of information there. So Cam always knew I was faking it, and he didn't care, or was too prideful to bring it up, or whatever. And clearly, he just assumes we are back together now, after one act of technically decent sex.

Technically decent, but the truth is, as soon as it was over, I was thinking of Leed again. In a much different way than I normally think of him, though. I was thinking that I finally understand him and Tam. I know something now that I had never been able to comprehend before—how you can have good sex with and good feelings for someone—without real love.

Because even though I care a lot about Cam and last night I was able to let go and enjoy what was happening, it was no comparison to making love with Leed. The soul sharing I had with Leed for our brief time was so much more powerful the vibe I had with Cam last night.

I swallow heavily. I think I just made Cam my friend with benefits and he has no idea. He thinks we are working our way back into our old love. For me, that love has been eclipsed and can't rise again.