Ego Stories

Shadowy Heart

"Hey, this is Jackieboy Man. I'm sorry I can't reach you at the moment, I'm probably in the middle of a badass fight— or I just broke my phone and haven't been able to get a new one. Leave a message!"

"Jackie... it's been weeks since the last time you called. I—I know we talked about this, but this is too much. We need you, Bruder... I can't do this without you.... Call me when you can."

"Hey bro! Uh... H-How are you? You've been awfully quiet... look, I know you are on the hunt, but I—We— come home, please..."

"I can't do this anymore, Jackie. I'm not strong like you. I-I wasn't made to lead or be a hero! That's all you, I hate feeling like I'm replacing you... I hate this so much..."

Jackie sighed seeping, how many times had he heard these old messages. It wasn't long before his brothers stopped trying to reach him. Every time his phone lit showing the caller ID a knot would make its way to his throat, triggering all sorts of anxiety as he let the call go to voicemail.

He was doing this to protect them. The further apart he was the better, right?

Jackie stood at the tallest building in the city. He closed his eyes as he felt the evening breeze hit his face. It was almost time for Henrik to get home. Chase should be at home with Jameson and Marvin...

His stomach twisted, Marvin had taken Jackie's place in all aspects. He became the new vigilante, the leader, the big brother that the rest needed. Guilt ate Jackie away for leaving such a big responsibility for him without a choice.

What kind of hero would do that?

"You are no hero... you are a coward" he mumbled to himself, his breath hitched as he thought about how numb he had been feeling for the past few months. Jacky fell on his knees as the sky turned black and finally let the heavy rain pour down on him.

"You've failed them." A very familiar voice growled at him, "No wonder they gave up on you."

"I try so hard..."

"And yet you still fail, it's never enough and you know it." The voice grew louder "A hero wouldn't leave his loved ones unprotected. A hero wouldn't run away like a child."

A sob broke out his chest, he wrapped his arms around himself, a vain attempt to comfort himself. He was so sick and tired of this, tired of running, tired of hiding. Tired of being useless.

"Give up."

"W-What?" He said out loud.

"Give up!" It said once more "You are no use to anyone. Pathetic. Weak."

Jackie shivered, it was already dark, no one would notice what he was about to do. He raised his now puffy eyes towards the ledge, the very same one he stood on his patrols. He could hear his heart racing on his ears.

Adrenaline, fear, confusion, all the emotions clashing together in his chest making it difficult to breathe. He took a step, and then another, both his feet positioned at the edge. He was weak. How could he expect to protect anyone if he can't even protect himself?

He shut his eyes, his brothers would be so disappointed if they saw him right now. A hypocrite on their eyes, when he was the one who pushed them to be open about their emotions and feelings, and yet he couldn't do the same.

"J-Jackieboy? Is that—" he froze at the sound of the German accent behind him. He then heard Henrik's hurried steps to him, only making Jackie tense up even more. He was supposed to be at home, warming up and relaxing after a long day at work, not drenched and cold on the top of a building.

"P-please..." the doctor sobbed brokenly, "Mein Bruder." The hero's breath hitched once again as he felt the doctor's hand grip his black hoodie, "Look at me."

Jackie started shaking. He slowly turned around and stepped off the ledge, his eyes glued to the ground, not being able to build the courage and face his brother. He then saw his brother's scared hands make their way to his face. He whined and leaned to the touch, God they were so warm, which only made him break down.

"H-Henrik—I'm so sorry." He cried, "I'm sorry, I'm so selfish. M'sorry..." Henrik wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tight, even in the rain he was so warm. "I'm sorry I left, I shouldn't have! I just wanted to— I wanted to protect you! But I— I'm no hero, not like this."

"Jackie, we couldn't have asked for a better brother. You are not selfish, you are far more than what you give credit for. It's okay to run sometimes, it's okay to be alone."

"But I—"

"You are still human, Jackie. You work so hard. You always put everyone else in front, you carry too much."

"Henrik..."

"Please, don't ever think you have to carry these burdens alone. I came here every day, in hopes to find you, morning and night"

"Y-you're not disappointed?" Jackie whispered, his eyes finally rising to see Henrik. His stomach twisted, he looked so exhausted, the dark bags under his eyes more noticeable than he remembered. But in the end, his light blue eyes were filled with kindness, relief, and joy.

"Never. Now, please, come home with me. It's time."