𝘿𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 | 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙗𝙮 𝘽𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙠

eight

WARNING: TALK OF RAPE AND DRUGS

It's been a week since Colby cheated on me. It's been 3 days since I have seen or talked to him. After that night at his apartment I realized I seriously need my distance from him. I hate myself for letting myself let that happen. After I left Colby's that afternoon I went back to my apartment and thought a lot about this situation. Of course I love Colby but its so hard to imagine yourself with someone who betrayed you and your trust. I think for now I should just spend a lot of time with the girls and try to distract myself from him.

I guess something I've never explained before is why i'm so hurt by this. Obviously anyone would be sad about their boyfriend or girlfriend cheating but for me it's been such a repeating thing in my life that I am so over it. In high school I dated this boy Alex for 5 months, I was head over heels for him. I thought he felt the same until I found out that he had cheated on me our entire relationship and he was only with me for the sex. After him I was scared to get into another relationship but I still went on to date a boy named Andrew. We were together from the beginning of 11th grade to the summer after graduation. He was going off to college and I was moving to LA. Towards the end of our relationship he started to be emotionally and physically abusive. I didn't know how to end it though. I was scared it would get worse. For 3 months I put up with him hurting me mentally and physically, until I finally left for LA. He wanted to stay together but I told him I couldn't do long distance. Which was not the case at all but I'd rather have him believe that. After I moved to LA I became friends with some people who i'm not proud of. I started to lose myself as a person for a very long time until I got myself together and realized I was better than them and what I was doing. My friend group consisted of 3 boys and 3 other girls. Tony, Jack, Blake, Jessica, Jordyn, and Lillie. I didn't realize at first what their plan was. A couple months into us hanging out everyday they started to pressure me into drugs and going out every night to get fucked up. I eventually was extremely addicted to cocaine and started to drink every night. 

One night we were all doing lines in Jordyn's apartment and everyone but Blake and I went to go get alcohol. At first everything was fine and we were just hanging out talking. Until he started to get really touchy and began to take my clothes off. Blake raped me that night. Ever since that night I haven't seen any of them. The idea of them makes me sick. I got out of drugs and drinking a lot of alcohol and became sober for a long time. After a year of not going out much and not having many friends, I met Colby. He felt different than any other boy I had ever met. I was scared and was gentle with getting involved with him. I tried not to let my walls down easy and to keep my guard up. I eventually opened up to him because I completely trusted him. Like I said, he felt different from the rest. I felt like I could trust him and be with him for a very long time. 

Colby made me happy. He was the sweetest person in my life. He always knew how to make me smile and laugh. He was there for me even when I was still hurt and broken. He helped me put myself back together and I couldn't have done it without him at all. So when the person who help put you back together and knows about your fucked up past does something you have delt with before and is scared of, it's hard to process and go back to them. It just scares me that if I forgive him and get back together with him then he'll think it was okay and that he can do it again. I don't want to lose him or any of my friends from this but it's hard.

I hope u enjoyed this chapter, I know I've been slacking a little and these haven't been that good but I hope this gives you a little more background about Maddi. Anywayss, don't forget to vote and if you have any suggestions please comment.