In love with the Enemy.

26

26:                                                                                          {}

Even in this utterly deathly pain, I still looked around to see if anyone was in the house before exploding my earlier contents into the kitchen sink, since that was the last place in the house I checked and the bathroom was a bit to far for my taste.

Once I was finished, I started panting and my vision was getting a little hazy. I quickly rushed to get some water and drinked it down. The dizziness getting a bit better.
I tapped the middle of my forehead before rubbing the sides on my temples for a quick 10 seconds before I took 3 deep breaths and sighed.

"This is gonna kill me one day.." I laughed. "Oh wait... Its already doing that."

I washed down the sink, spraying it with Clorox to kill the germs that can be contagious.

Once I was done, I scrubbed my arms with some dove soap and rinsed it off before leaning against the kitchen sink holding my stomach.

The amount of makeup on my face wasn't enough to hide the fact that I am slowly dying.

My hair.

My red hair.

Is disappearing.

And does anyone notice it?

Not that I know of....

Ace has been watching me longer than usual but I always smiled at him and joked about it.

"Am I that beautiful that you can't take your eyes off of me?" I used to say.

He would respond with that dark chuckle and blow a kiss towards me before looking else where or continuing his earlier business.

I don't want treatment. I don't want to go through process over process like Alva did.

Like my mother did.

I will take what that man above given me with open arms because deep down I know I deserve it.

I killed, lied, and much worse.

I put my family through hell and yet they still love me.

But I am saving them this way.

I am going to let this cancer eat the inside of me slowly as I wait patiently for my last breath.

One thing I just wish for is that I can spend enough with all of my family long enough and let them know I love them.

I slowly walked up stairs, my body aching and my head spinning. 

Once I found what I was looking for I swiped through my contacts and dialed every single important number on there.

"Hello?"

I cleared my throat, exhaustion running through my vein.

"H-hey Michael."

Silence. 

Then a huge squeal and a shush in the background. "Girly!" 

I laughed, but groaned.

"Are you ok?" His tone turned from excitement to worry in a blink of a eye. Typical Michael.

"N-no i'm alright." I smiled. "How are you? Shawn and the kids are ok right?"

"Well...."
"Michael?"

"Shawn is being tackled by the kids while im drinking coffee and I was gonna help but then you called me and I forgotten all about it."

I shook my head. "Michael..." I said in a warning tone.

I remember how excited Michael was when he and Shawn adopted there first baby girl.

So excited that it I heard the never ending of it.

I smiled at the sweet memory of the pictures we all took.

Then 2 years later the adopted a baby boy, then after a year had passed they gotten two more kids. Twins. Both boys.

a total of 4 kids.

Michael said he wants the same amount as I.

5 kids.

"I know, I know. I will help. But I missed you girl. Since you left this goddamn town I been alone... No bestie to talk to and do nails."
I laughed.

"You ain't that gay child, Calm down."

We laughed and I felt a aching in my heart.

And this time it wasn't because of this cancer.

I spent the rest of the day calling and talking to people I haven't talked to in a while.

All of nieces and nephews, all of my friends and the whole entire gang.

Once I reached back home I found the boys in there rooms and Ace still not home yet.

I decided I have enough strength to spend time with my husband for the night.

I took a good shower, rubbing my self into scented oils.

I brushed out my little bit of hair and tried to color in the parts that was thinning.

I slipped on some red lingerie and buckled my feet in black pumps.

I slipped on a silky red robe and sat on the edge of the bed, wiping the sides of my thighs.

I called Ace and he hasn't answered.

I glanced at the time on my phone and it was almost 1 in the morning.

I frowned, and tried to stay up more but nothing worked.

I decided to do the one thing I should do before I take my last breath.

I walked into the closet and glanced around before pressing my thumb against the pad lock and the door in the wall opened. I covered the pad lock with a picture frame and walked into the secret room. I closed the door and sat in my black leather chair. I grabbed my note pad and a pen, before crossing my legs and shaking out my hands.

And then I did the one thing that sealed my fate.

The one thing that made me know, this is really happening.

I'm leaving my family and there is nothing I can do about it.

Nothing. 

So I thought of the first person I wanted to write to and started.

Dear My Midnight beauty.... 

*-*It's hard to imagine the new things, the hello that comes after a goodbye. It's not easy, but it will definitely mean something good. It's so hard to say goodbye, but remember the magic in the new.*-*