CLANDESTINE

22 - Starburst

Is it that hard to tell me what's going on?

I've been opening up with him; telling him all my worries may it be petty or shallow and even regarding at work which is mostly I'm more vocal about recently. He knew what's been bothering me and even if there is a time he can't comfort me physically, Chanyeol never failed to make me hope for the best. He could always make me look on the brighter side of things. 

But he's this selfish when it comes to issues that he thinks will make me worry. I just want to be someone who can lighten his burden as he does to me.

Would that be too much to ask?

I pushed myself gently off him, removing his arms around me before wiping my own tears, "You're not going to tell me?" I muttered softly. Despite after I wiping these tears, they kept rolling down out of control. I just don't understand why he keeps his mouth shut when it comes to things that are bothering him. 

Why does he like keeping problems to himself?

"You forgot, didn't you?" I asked, looking sideways towards a window where the light from the afternoon sun seeps in the linen drapes. I didn't think I would be acting like this and I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't look at his eyes anymore. The more I look, the more I realize that hidden behind his beautiful smile, his eyes reflect another expression that I didn't notice.

"I just didn't want this to make you worry." He muttered.

"So you just keep it to yourself?... Will it become worse if you tell me?" 

I saw his hand move, reaching for me but I gently pushed his hand away. However, the lump inside my throat grew and my control over my emotions got the better of me. My soft cries turn into sobs. Even if I had pushed his hand away, I no longer have the strength to push his embrace from me when he leaned closer.

Immediately, I melted within his warmth; face buried on the crook of his neck while my hands clutch the side of his shirt tightly.

I thought we're getting comfortable with each other. I thought we're open to each other's feelings as I had been telling everything and he never failed to comfort me. However, that was just me.

I felt like was in a bubble.

And I was alone in it. Be burst it out after he made me realize where he had put me. He left me alone in that bubble where both of us should be in the first place.

I'm very grateful that he listens and helps me in any way he can, but I want to be of help to him too. I want him to tell me his worries too, I want to listen too. 

"You said... You said that we'll talk it out... before we decide anything..." I cried, breath hitching in between words. "Why are you leaving me out?" 

His embrace tightened and a hand then strokes the back of my head gently. I felt him breathing deeply on the side of my head before muttering, "I'm sorry."

I never knew I could cry like this. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. My throat hurts and my chest feels tight. I don't want to cry this long.

"I for forgetting our promise... I'm really sorry, Chaeyoung." 

He kept on rubbing my back gently while I continued to cry but tried so hard to calm down. He kept whispering his apologies and after a few minutes of collecting myself together, Chanyeol left me in the living room to get me some water. I can see how the change in his expression as soon as I was able to look him in the eyes even if he couldn't look back at me.

When he came back, he sat beside me but faced me, pulling his leg up in the couch then took his phone out from his back pocket, "I didn't erase the number just in case. I've received so many of these and I've already lost count on how many times I changed my number." He mutters as he opened his message inbox before handing over his phone to me.