You're So Perfect (MARKSON)

10

Mark

I really was just ready to go home, take a shower and go to bed. I didn't care for anything else. WE finally get home and my mom helps me out of the car with small comments like "that's it Marky" "It's fine I got you" all of it made me feel helpless. After convincing my mom I could take a shower on my own and tht I was old enough to do so, she finally left me alone. "If you need anything i'll be downstairs." She said and hurried out of my room. I sat down and let my eyes slowly drift away and I fell asleep.

The next day

I wake up and its about 8:30ish and I don't really want to be awake. I hear a bunch of noise downstairs and I go and see my mom hurriedly packing things.

"Oh you're awake. Good morning sweetie, how are you feeling?" She says while making her way over to me and wrapping her arms around me.

"Good morning. I'm okay. What's going on?" I asked while slightly releasing myself.

"Ah that's good and uh sorry sweetie, I got a call in from work and I have a 2 day buisness trip in the city about 5 hours away. Will you be okay staying here alone? Do you need me to stay? I'll stay if you need me to." She says while rambling on and on.

"No, it's fine. Go on. Your job is more important than me right now." I say while forcing a small smile.

"Great. Thanks sweetie. Don't destroy the house while i'm gone. Feel free to have some friends over. Bye love you hun." She says while grabbing some bags and quickly running out to her car.

"I love you too." I say while closing the door behind me.

I go back upstairs to my room to grab something to change in when I got out of the shower. I started searching my dressers for a pair of sweats or basketball shorts but I couldn't find any. I'll just get them later. Something on my dresser caught my eye. On the far left side was a picture of Charisma and I at the beach. She looked beautiful. One of the last times I actually smiled. Before I knew it I was crying again. This is all my fault. I could have her here with me and Jinyoung would be wrong, there would be someone who loved me more than he did. Well there isn't. I ran into the bathroom and turned the shower on and got out of my clothes quickly and jumped in. I let the water drench my face as I cried. I leaned against the wall and sat down on the bare tub floor. I look near the sink and see the blades I "hid" and grabbed the least dull one. I studied it for a moment then took it across my wrist. It hurt. I loved the pain. It's the only thing that could replace the sadness I felt deep inside. The water rinsed the cuts. It started off as a dark red being just pure blood then clearing to match the water. I heard a knock from downstairs. I guess she forgot she left the door unlocked so I screamed "unlocked". The woman was always forgetful. I heard the door close again so I step out of the shower and throw on my boxers. I never liked walking the house nude so yeah. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist anyway just because and grabbed a second towel and wrapped it around my arm. It wasn't bleeding anymore but it was still wet. My other arm consisted of faded scars from the last time I cut, which was months ago. I thought I could stay clean for longer but my mind thought otherwise. I walk back into my room to see Jackson looking at the picture of Charisma and I.

"What are you doing here?" I ask and he turns around and studies me.

"Mark...why did you...?" He asks and I realized he was talking about my cuts and I tired to cover them.

"It's none of your buisness okay!" I say and drop to the floor crying. My towels fell off but I didn't care anymore. I honestly didn't care about anything. All I wanted to do was die right here.

"Shh..It's okay. Just cry. It's okay to cry." Jackson says while coming over and wrapping his arms around me.

I put my face on his shirt and started crying. Despite the mucus stuffing my nose, I could smell him easily. His scent was intoxicating.