Notoriously Yours part two: Forgive And Forget

Chapter Nine - Trying

It has been 3 months of trying. I didn't realize how hard it was to get pregnant until now. It makes sense why Bryce felt that all of these conceiving things would help. He wanted all the help we could get while we have our journey to getting pregnant.
I have a strong feeling that our month is coming up. I feel like there will be a baby planted in my body sooner than we expect. I'm praying this is true. I've read so many stories about other women's trying to conceive journey and it's upsetting. I wish they all could get pregnant. I can't imagine the pain one feels when she's been trying for over a decade and it be nothing but miscarriages and false alarms. Over a decade of negative pregnancy tests would be enough to send anyone into a depressive state but these women are so strong for their never giving up attitudes. They will be blessed with a baby. I can relate to the ones that have had a miscarriage. I know the pain of losing a baby and the feeling of wanting to try again.

Bryce and I have been tracking my fertility. We have a whole drawer full of pregnancy tests and ovulation sticks. Today, I'm at my highest, that means it will be baby making time all night long. Here's to hoping that tonight is our night.
Bryce comes in from working out at the local gym. He's been doing that since he's gotten out because he didn't like the weight that he had gained. His body is so hot. How can a guy be this hot? The sweat drizzling down his body naturally tan body just makes him way hotter than he already is.
He undresses so that he can take a shower. From the moment he has walked in, my body has been craving his. The anticipation of waiting another 30 minutes is gonna kill me.

He doesn't wear a towel to cover himself since it's only him and I for now so when he comes out of the shower, all of his goods are on display and I am perfectly fine with it.
His eyes are undressing me, it's like they put me in a trance but really I am not doing anything but staring at him. Really, he is pulling my clothes off of me. His soft kisses touch every inch of my body.
He spreads my legs and kiss my inner thighs to send chills all through my body, to let my mind know that I'm about feel like I'm in heaven. He makes his way to the jackpot and does his thing. It's like pulling up to a red light and it not changing color but it's saying to continue to go.
After a while of warming ourselves up, he lays me down and pushed the pillow underneath me so my body is ready for when he's about to cum inside of me.
We go for hours and hours because we are slow, passionate, love makers. We don't rush ourselves.
He finally finished off inside me, now it's time for the 30 minute wait before I can move.
He lays beside me and we talk about baby names. That's all we seem to talk about during ovulation period because we are always praying that it's our turn to be parents.
After the 30 minutes are up, he finally pulls the pillow out from under me and kisses me on the forehead.
"You know, I'm beyond grateful that we can both be equally ready to start a family. We can  openly talk about these plans together" he says "sometimes I think that we are just trying to replace our unborn, but we aren't. Though our first baby never made it to see life, it's here, watching over us" he's reassuring me that our decision isn't bad. I say "our baby in heaven is probably watching as God puts every quality that our future baby will have".
It's actually quite amazing how things work out. Our angel baby could've been in school by now but God had other plans. We endure months of bottling up our feelings about His plans that came without reason, sometimes even questioning why God would take our baby away before we ever get to actually hold or see it. And here we are, years later, trying to get a second chance at becoming parents. I feel like God took our baby, to challenge us to see if we can actually last and we're still going strong. The only ultrasound I have of Baby 1 is at her confirmation and then again at her 8 week appointment. Just a tiny bean in both. I would have loved to see how our little bean would've looked or the personality. Would it have looked more like daddy or mommy? Would it be athletic like daddy or a book nerd like mommy? Would it take daddy's personality or mommy's? These are some of the things I wonder when I think of Baby 1.