post it (SEQUEL TO BITE)

eight

"the nurses said that you're refusing to eat again," dr baird - maggie - says softly as she holds my hand in hers. "is that true, rowan?" 

i nod slightly, looking into her crystal blue eyes that reminded me so much of billie's. "i haven't been hungry." 

she sighs softly and writes in her notepad before looking at me again. "what's going on in your head, sweetheart?"

i shrug and look down at my hands, fiddling with my fingers. "there's nothing, really. i feel like i'm not myself when i don't have her."

she jots down some messy writing, that resembles billie's almost exactly, and chews on her bottom lip. "i'm gonna tell you something, but you have to swear to me that you won't tell anyone, because i could get fired."

i nod slightly, my eyebrows furrowing in curiosity. "go ahead, doc."

"billie came to me in a dream last night," she starts, looking at me with her head tilted. she's gauging my reaction.

"she came and saw me, too." i tell her, mimicking her slight head tilt. 

"she told me that although you're new, and you never actually met her before," she starts again, clearing her throat and looking down at the notepad, fiddling with her expensive looking pen. "she loves you, and she wanted me to tell you that personally."

i nod slightly at her words, a soft smile gracing my lips. "i love her, more than anything in the world." 

"she knows," maggie whispers, a tear falling from her eyes. "trust me, she knows."

~~~~~~

i stare at the plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of me, my face contorting in disgust. "i can't eat this."

"i know," billie murmurs, taking the fork into her hand and poking at the under cooked bacon. "this looks disgusting." 

i push the plate away from me and sigh, leaning back on the sofa. "i wish i could have some sort of fun in here. they literally take everything away."

she nods and lets out a soft laugh, pressing her lips to my forehead. "i know it; i used to be in here too, you know."

"i know that," i scoff, shoving my shoulder into hers lightly. "your mom told me that you came to her in a dream last night."

"i literally live with her," billie says with another laugh, her arm slinging around my shoulder. she pulls my body closer to hers and buries her face in my chest. "i'm bound to pop into her dreams sooner or later."

"my thoughts exactly," i mumble, my eyes fluttering closed as i bite my lip. "she said that you told her you love me."

"i talk about you twenty-four hours and seven days a week," she replies with a roll of her eyes. "i don't know what she's on, but she literally sees me every day."

"really?" i ask softly, brushing her hair out of her face slowly. "she makes it seem like you actually are dead."

"she's the crazy one," billie muttered, running her fingers through my hair soothingly. "if anything, she needs to be the one taking those disgusting ass pills."

i nod slightly, a deep sigh leaving my plump lips as i look at her. "i wish you were here all of the time."

"so do i, baby girl," she says softly, "here's your daily post-it. i love you."

she kisses my forehead and i close my eyes momentarily, opening my eyes to find her gone once again. 

i unfold the small paper and smile to myself as i read the words. 

i'm as real as ever, baby, and i'm gonna prove it.