Never Let You Go

Tsunami of Feelings

Blissful and amazing. Plan felt like he's been walking through clouds all this time. How can he not? He can hold hands with the person he love, kiss the person he love, go on a date with the person he love or just simply spending time with the person he love without worrying of getting caught. They've been spending everyday joined by the hips and obviously happy.

"You're very happy, Plan." Plan was startled out of his thoughts when he heard his friend Earth speak. He turned to him and noticed the teasing smile on his friend's face.

The two of them decided to hang out and is just waiting for Gun to arrive. Their respective partners also decided to get together since it’s been a while since they did so due to heavy load of work and on Plan's case, being busy with spending time with Mean.

"Can't contain it?"

Plan's smile widen upon hearing that. "I can't help it. I just can't believe that I am finally able to show everyone that Mean's mine." He said.

"Look at that. Little Plan is finally taking the initiative." Earth said with a chuckle as he took a sip on his coffee. "It's nice isn't it?" Plan tilts his head. "It’s nice not to hold yourself back and just indulge on the love that you have in your heart."

Plan nodded his head. "Yeah." He said taking a sip of his coffee and glanced to his left where he could see a couple giggling and sharing personal space. "It feels nice to be able to act on what your heart desires." He said. "I was contented, you know. I am contented on thinking that we will be hiding our relationship even if it takes forever. I just don't want Mean to get judged by other people. I don't want to burden him also. I always throw the thoughts of going on dates with him in public or holding his hands in public because I'm afraid it might accidentally reveal our relationship. But for a long time, I really want to tell everyone my feelings. How much I love Mean and how much I would do to make him happy." He said with a soft smile as he looks on his reflection on his coffee.

Earth looked at Plan and smiled. "Love is such a complex feeling isn't it?"

Plan nodded. "Yeah." He said. "Who would've thought that a simple guy like me will-" Plan suddenly stopped talking when he felt bile coming up his throat.

Earth frowned worriedly at Plan. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Plan drank some water. "I don't know. I felt like throwing up." He said.

Earth caressed Plan's back soothingly. "How long have you been feeling like this? Have you gone to the doctors yet?"

Plan shook his head. "I've been feeling funny these past few days. Lately, can't eat properly without feeling like throwing up." He said, and then frowned to Earth. "Do you think, something is wrong with my stomach?" He ask

"I can' tell you anything. I'm not an expert. But it would be best to consult a doctor to make sure." Earth said.

Plan nodded. "I guess so. I try to clear my schedule up this week."

After a while, Gun arrived, a little dishevelled and he received a lot of teasing about not being able to control his boyfriend hormone level. They momentarily forgot what happened earlier.

The day was spent with all of them having fun, sharing gossip and rants about their work. When they went home, Plan was startled to see Mean's mom waiting right outside their house.

Plan frowned. Out of the people he will expect to visit him he least expect Mean's parents to be the one to visit. Gathering his guts, Plan called out to Mean's mom.

"Auntie?" Mean's mom turned to him and smiled weakly. Plan returned the smile. "What are you doing here so late and outside too?"

"I want to visit you and... talk if it's alright." Mean's mom said.

Plan blinked and nodded awkwardly. "How about we talk inside the house? We can talk with some tea." He said gesturing for Mean's mom to come inside the house.

Mean's mom shook his head. "Actually, is it okay if we talk somewhere else?" She said.

Plan blinked before he nodded.

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They found themselves inside a quaint coffee shop. There were only few people inside but the cafe is open 24/7. Plan swallowed nervously as he waits for Mean's mom to speak up.

He fidgeted while drinking his coffee. He was on his third sip when Mean's mom finally spoke,

"I know this is quite a sudden invitation and I know you didn't expect this but I really want to talk to you Plan." Mean's mom said. "I really want to talk to you but I don't know how to start."

Plan smiled kindly to her. "You can tell me anything Auntie. I won't mind. I will listen." He said.

Mean's mom looked down to her well-manicured hands. "What I'm about to tell you are something that's been bugging me and I know I will be selfish by doing this but Plan..." He stared at Plan. "Will you break up with Mean?"

Plan's eyes widen and frozen in shock. "W-what?" He asked after snapping back to reality.

"I know, this is wrong of me but, Plan, I am Mean's mother. I love my son and I will always support him in everything he wants to do but I don't think this is something good for him." She said. "The relationship you have is something taboo to other people. If I will be honest, it’s not something acceptable. It’s even disgusting in front of other people."

Plan could feel pain in his chest as he listens to her words. Disgusting. This is the first time someone told him being gay is disgusting. His parents have been supportive of his preference and his friends were the same as him. Other people call him different and even look him badly but never call him disgusting. To hear that from Mean's mother no less made his heart ache.

Not noticing the dullness in Plan's eyes, Mean's mother continue. "I don't have anything against you Plan, I even think you're a wonderful boy. You're good at your work but I hope you understand that as Mean's mother, I want my son to have a normal life. To love like normal people, and what you have right now, the love you're telling me is not normal." She said. "I don't want people to talk about my son behind his back. I don't want them to level him as an alien." He took Plan's hands and made him look at her. "I hope you understand Plan. If you really love my son, you will let him go. You will do what will make him happy. Your relationship with him, it’s not what's going to make him happy. A family will make him happy. A woman, who can give him a child. Who can give him a complete family. And as a man that you are, you won't be able to give that to him." She added. "Don't you want Mean to be happy Plan?"

Plan stared at Mean's mother but not actually seeing her. He didn't even feel when he nodded his head. Agreeing to her words.

Mean's mom smiled. "Don't worry. I will compensate you. I can give money. Name you price. In exchange for you leaving my son I can give it to you." She said.

Plan frowned at her and shook his head. "No. I don't need your money Auntie. I will... I will leave mean for his happiness. I don't need your money. But... you can tell Mean that you gave me money. Make him believe that I left because I need the money. Tell him, I just stayed with him because of his money." He said.

Mean's mother was startled when she heard that but nodded. They talked for a while with Plan blocking out her words to the point he didn't even notice when she left the cafe and left him alone and cold inside the warm cafe.

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Plan left the cafe when it started raining. He let himself bask in the cold weather and let the cold droplets sip inside his clothes. The water in his face mixing with the tears he is shedding.

When he get home that night, his parents were shocked to see him all wet and his eyes puffy.

"Plan? What is wrong?" His mom asked. "Why are you all wet?"

Plan did not react to them. His father turned to Ley. "Ley, go get your brother a towel and a blanket. Prim, can you prepare the warm bath and a change of clothes for your brother?"

His sisters left the living room as they did what their father said. While on the living room, Plan' mother kept on asking him but he remained silent. He can't even hear them. His mind kept on coming back to the conversation he had with Mean's mom.

He looked up though when he heard his mom ask him to go take a bath so he won't catch a cold.

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Inside the bathroom, Plan let his head cool off. Replaying the words that came out of the conversation he had earlier with Mean's mom.

Disgusting. Is our love really disgusting? Am I disgusting? Am I being a bother to Mean? Am I really depriving Mean of his happiness? Should I leave?

With those thoughts, Plan felt like his gut tightening and suddenly he felt like throwing up. He stood up from the tub and threw up on the sink. He stared at his reflection. "I should probably do."

After his bath, he came out of the bathroom and went to talk to his parents.

"What is it Plan? Do you have anything you want to tell us?"

Plan fidgeted. "Mom, I want to move out." He said.

Prim frowned. "Move out? Why? Are you moving in with Mean?" She asked

Plan flinched, hearing Mean's name. "No. I'm moving out alone. I want to be alone."

His mom held his hand. "Why? Did you and Mean have a misunderstanding?"

Plan shook his head. "No mom. I... I just want to learn to be independent. And I need to be able to stand up on my own, right?"

Plan turned to his dad and he could see how his dad is not buying his explanation. Sighing though, his dad held his mother's shoulder halting her words.

"Let him be." He said. "Where are you going to live?"

Plan smiled. "Don't worry I will be the one to be responsible on that."

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Later that night, Plan made the necessary preparations and started packing his things. He also submitted his resignation letter through email and did not wait for the approval as he left.

He did not tell his parents where he will go but he told them that he will contact them once he have a new place to stay.

That night, Plan Rathavit left and vanished in Mean Phiravich's life without a trace.