Blue Side (Jung Hoseok x Readers)

Chapter 16

On that walk back, you stumbled on your feet. Your eyes were set on the road ahead, but your mind was somewhere else completely. It all went back to one person, Hoseok. When you heard the story, both from Areum and Seokjin, pieces of your memories came back, but not the whole thing. You remember Hoseok's smile when he was younger, his warm hugs, his cheery laughter that always brightened up your day. You can see clearly the first day you met him.

It was fifth grade. You dreaded going to school out of fear that the kids would pick on you like they normally do. But when you stepped into the classroom, their grenades and bullets were aimed at someone else, a newcomer. You should have been happy that you weren't their target, but at the same time, you felt awful that someone as innocent as the young boy would get picked on. And for reasons as dumb as the other kids not liking his outgoing attitude. They wanted the boy to break down, to conform to their dull lives. Your stomach churned as the boy started crying. The other boys started laughing, then their arms went up. They never got the chance to hurt Hoseok because you grabbed him and ran away to hide in a nearby closet.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Because I know you wouldn't do anything."

"How do you know?"

You shrugged, "Because you're a coward like me."

"I'm...Hoseok."

"Y/N," you answered.

"Y/N," he repeated. "Thank you. You're my first friend."

Friend, you thought, how bitter the word sounds now. You felt the emotions you felt towards him at some point swelling up. He was a good person, the best even. He was kind to you and everyone he met. It doesn't justify the things he's doing now, the crimes he had committed but you were starting to understand his reasonings. The world is twisted, people survive by playing the game.

More memories flooded of your time together, of the citrus smell, of your hand in his. All the playful 'I love you' he would profess at random times. You never thought much of it when you were younger, but now the words meant immense and held so much weight. He had meant it back then, and even now. It was confusing, you still hated him for taking you against your will, for threatening to hurt your family, and not to mention his career. Your mind was a tornado, a seesaw of contradictions in your perceptions of him. You just needed to hear it from him.

There was no point in hiding yourself as you walked back. He must have found that you were gone by now. You were prepared for the scolding. In fact, you found him leaning against one of the pillars outside the front door. His arms were crossed and it was evident he was waiting for you to return. He was prepared to tease you for running off to mask how scared he was that you wouldn't come back. When he saw that you texted Seokjin, he really thought it would be the last time he would see you.

But his thoughts ran blank when he saw that you were crying. It was the last thing he wanted you to do. He wanted you to ask him countless questions, he wanted you to yell at him more for being selfish, for being a cold monster. The sight of tears in your eyes broke his heart. You brushed past his shoulder and walked straight into your room. Hoseok quickly followed behind, only to come face to face with your shut room. Locked.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" he asked, knocking on the door lightly. It was the most civil Hoseok had been in awhile. The knocking was muffled by your quiet sniffles. He continued to knock. "If something is wrong, please talk to me." he continued. "Or Areum. Just talk to someone, I don't want you to bottle everything up." Hoseok was genuinely concerned and afraid. He had seen you cried because of him before, but this time was different. You looked at him with regret and recognitions he hadn't seen before and that was terrifying. It was a sadness in which he had no control over, an ocean of remorse that flooded the house. His hand lingered on the door. "I'll leave you alone now, but at least let Areum feed you something. You were out all day, you must be starving."

He was right, you were starving, but still too numbed to move. His shadow moved away from the door as promised. Something tells you it wasn't the first time he had to leave you involuntarily like this, which disheartened you beyond anything. Underneath the layers of secrets and the hurt, Hoseok was still the young boy looking for someone to love and to call his own.

You unlocked the door for Areum, who looked as frailed as when Hoseok took off. "I brought you some soup," she said with her usual soothing voice, trying to maintain her image and hide how worried she had been. When she put the put down on the table, you immediately hugged her. She let out a small gasp, but hugged you back instantly.

"Thank you for taking care of me," you whispered. "I'm sorry I forgot about you. Please know I am grateful for all the meals you've cooked for me, and for tucking me in bed some nights. And thank you for looking after him all these years." She didn't ask much after you said those things, she continued to pat your back and hummed softly like she used to.