This was awful.
The most regrettable decision he had ever taken.
The blond thought back to what he had done and that fucked his mind up. He regretted ever doing what he did as he screwed the girl below him, who wasn't familiar or used to him like the other auburn.
She was nothing like the shorter male who he loved dearly. The blond was but a complete shitty obnoxiously anxious mess. He shouldn't have done what he did and most importantly, he shouldn't be doing what he was doing at that moment.
The girl under him was a no one for him, just a blank face that he would forget in a few days maybe but the brunet male was someone for him and he fucked that up.
He pulled out of her, completely turned off by his thoughts and pulled on his clothes as fast as possible, hurrying out of her little stuffy studio apartment that they were fucking in, mere seconds ago. He could hear his name being called out from inside but he didn't give a shit to begin with.
She was not the shorter male who he cared about so he left, his feet guiding him to where he was supposed be at that moment. As he walked back to the brunet's apartment, he thought back to all the events that had happened that led him to being such a douch.
He shouldn't have gotten jealous to begin with. They weren't together anyways so being jealous was a bad choice and plus, he should've figured out his feelings when he realized he was jealous of the taller male that hung out with his Joe.
The worst choice was when he laughed at the auburn's face when the shorter man confessed his feelings for the blond. The taller thought that confessions and relations were all the same, bullshit. He shouldn't have left the shorter, devastated that he was rejected and got laughed in his face after the rejection.
Joe at least had the balls to accept his feelings and confess them, Ben was even frightened of accepting these feelings so confessing was a far off topic but he had to get out of this fear and tell the shorter about his true feelings.
He walked the silent roads with his head held low, thinking and regretting his foolish actions. When he finally reached the familiar gray door, he raised his eyes to it and contemplated his actions. With a hesitancy in his actions, he knocked on the door thrice and waited for another few seconds before the door opened and the laughter of two men were heard.
The blond was expecting to be greeted with a head of auburn hair and shining smile with slight wrinkles around the set of the beautiful hazel green eyes and a stubble spread across the expanse of the males chin and some part of his cheeks, a male shorter than him but was instead greeted with a tall lanky male with a set of blue eyes instead of the hazel green he was expecting.
"What are you doing here?" Bena growled at the male in front of him, jealousy clear in his tone, making the taller man frown at the voice.
"Hello to you too, Ben." The gentle giant replied in a calm tone, not wanting to fight with the blond who had treated his best bud badly. Joe had told Gwil all about what happened and he sat there while the shorter of the two cried his heart out, not wanting to speak, just wanting to cry.
"What are you doing here?" Ben asked again, growling and stressing every word he said, trying to highlight his point as his teeth clenched and unclenched because of the irritation the sound of the taller's calm voice caused him.
"No Ben, what are you doing here?" Joe said as he came into the view, an aura of confidence emitting from him, his lips a small frown at the sight of the blond. Ben's eyes lit up as he stared into those pools of chocolate, losing himself in them. He flashed a genuine smile to the brunet, who ignored the thumping in his heart at the sight of the white smile and instead kept a poker face, trying really hard not to give in to the blond this time.
"Joe, I need to talk-" Ben stopped and glared at the taller man standing between the auburn and himself, "privately." He completed his sentence, still glaring at Gwil.
"Go on."
"Joe, please." The blond said, pleading to the brunet with his eyes but Joe stood his grounds, it was either, talk in front of Gwil or don't talk and leave. Ben sighed in defeat as he gather up courage and the remaining pride left in him, as he took a deep breath.
"I-" he exhaled and continued, "look, I'm really sorry. What I did was stupid and foolish and I really hate myself for doing that and I-I really don't know how to get your forgiveness but I really am sorry." He stopped, feeling his heart clench in his chest as he apologized. He couldn't look Joe in the eyes, he couldn't bring himself to even look at Gwil, he was ashamed.
"Why did you do that?" He heard a small voice say with hurt and sincerity, making him feel even more worse about the situation, if it was possible. His first clenched, wanting to turn back time and smack his own head for being such a coward.
"I was scared." Ben said, still looking down at the floor as he contemplated the words he wanted to say.
"I-I. . . When I saw you with Gwilym I couldn't help but feel so jealous and protective that I just. . . I don't know but I. . . I" Ben stopped himself from rambling, trying to find words to express his feeling but he couldn't. He finally looked up and saw the brunet looking at him, the taller male nowhere in sight. Ben sighed as he could now pour his heart out to Joe.
Ben stepped forward and hugged Joe, closing his eyes as he hid his face in the crook of his neck and his hands tightening around the shorter's waist. He then felt hesitant hands place themselves on his back which relaxed him.
"I was so jealous that I couldn't think properly. I should've know then that I had feelings for you but I was too reluctant to accept them. I shouldn't have laughed at you like I did. At least you had the courage to tell me. I couldn't even accept these feelings. I was scared, I still am. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said with a small sad smile, not knowing what Joe's reaction would be.
This grip around the shorted male tightened and he was scared to let go, afraid the Joe would make fun of his cowardness but he knew Joe wasn't like that, so he let go, not wanting to invade Joe's personal space.
He took one last look at the man in front of him, admiring his sharp nose and delicate eyes, before turning on his heel and brisk walking all the way to his own home. He couldn't force Joe to like him after what he did and he wanted the auburn to take his time so he left, not wanting to be a burden.
He slept after he was back home, wanting to slip into a peaceful bliss, wanting to ignore the ache in his heart and wanting to be at peace for at least a few hours.
Once he woke up and checked his messages, he was a ball of nervousness, happiness and anxiety reading those few words gave him hope that he needed the most. Those simple words made him feel whole lot better.
"I miss you, please meet me."
