By your window

5.

The sixth evening in a row of stalking from the fire escape, Five decided that watching Marben from afar was proving to be an enervating experience: until then, he hadn't managed to find the courage to approach her again, yet he still felt powerfully drawn to the girl, and the whole situation really was becoming a dreadful mess (an unnecessary one, if he had any say in it). So, he kept perching on a safely far turn of the fire escape, like a vulture, soaking wet with rain and hiding in the dark while he watched Marben perfect some arpeggios on a muted violin, oblivious of his gloomy presence; sometimes she would glance at the window, and Five wouldn't stop deluding himself she was looking for him.

"This is pointless" the boy growled to himself, shuffling closer to the brick wall and sniffing loudly. He wasn't allowed to befriend someone outside the Academy, he knew, and yet...Marben had a way to make him feel alive. And he craved the company of someone other than his siblings, someone whose intellect was as vivid as his own, someone who could challenge him. How strange, considering that until then Five had never been one for socialization. Or for crushes.
"Completely pointless. All this".

From the other side of the window, Marben put the violin down and looked somberly at the night sky. Five longed to be there, to sit on her bed and listen to what she was playing, maybe engage in a small clash of witty retorts. Talking to her made him feel free, truly understood. No need to prove himself when Marben smiled, to be ambitious or appropriate when she told him something funny, just the relief of being simply himself. It was something so highly unusual for him, that he was almost scared of even experiencing it.
Suddenly Marben picked up the violin again, turned to the music stand and vigorously resumed playing. She looked tense, like she was putting too much effort into holding her focus, and Five hated it. It seemed like the girl was forcing herself not to think of him...

In a blue flash Five let himself land in the dry safety of his room, kicking the shoes off his feet, uncaring of the noise he was making or his wet clothes dampening the bedsheets. The resentment raging in his chest burned like fire, giving him the exact measure of how deep his tormented feelings were: just thinking of Marben avoiding their shared memories made him furious, and sorrowful too, for he recognized that through detachment he could regain control of himself, get rid of those troublesome emotions. Maybe that was the trick, Marben had found the right way to deal with the situation and unconsciously hinted it to him; perhaps she wanted to forget him and live her life as if they'd never met, and Five could use it all as the pretext he needed to suffocate his emotions and resume his training and projects without being distracted anymore. Anger and sadness be damned!

With a sigh, Five loosened his tie and closed his eyes. He now felt exhausted; his head was stuffed with so much questions and no answers in sight, and the worst of it all was that he couldn't just waltz in the dining room, one morning, asking for love advice from his family over breakfast, because sure as hell they wouldn't be pleased at all to hear him babble of such a triviality! And even if that wasn't the case, was Five really sure he was in love? Was that how it felt to be in love?

Not knowing how else to try and solve the biggest problem he had ever had, the boy impulsively snatched a chunk of chalk from his desk and started furiously scribbling numbers on the green walls of his bedroom. Calculations of probability and statistic had always been a safety net for him, and since he had just realized he was completely alone in this matter, Five had to resort to the only way of dealing with the unknown he had: rationalizing.

A/N: Good afternoon everybody! Slightly anticipated update, this week, I won't be able to post tomorrow. It's my boss' fault.

To all of you my most sincere wishes for peaceful holidays: I hope you'll spend them with the people you love most, that you may eat a lot of delicious food and that it'll be a time of refreshment, laughter and happiness for you.

Lots of love.