As I Watch Him Die

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Aiden's POV 

I sit on the bathroom floor of Trinity University, and take a deep, steadying breath. My heartbeat is beating against my rib cage, but that's what happens every time I throw up anything, especially bread. I carefully wrap my right hand's knuckles back up as though I didn't just throw up a nine-hundred calorie sandwich in a fancy university bathroom.

I hate this fucking bathroom. I hate the shitty marble tile, and the black counter tops. I hate how overdone it is. The only reason I have any opinion on the appearance of a university bathroom, is because I spend a lot of time in here, sitting against a toilet, waiting for my eyes to stop watering, and my heart to stop racing. I've had more than enough time to study this room, and hate it because it's ugly, and because when I heave, it echoes, and I find myself cringing every time.

It's quite pathetic that this is where my thoughts resort to.

Finally, when my heart doesn't feel like it's going to give out, I stand up, exit the stall, and begin washing my face at the sink. My eyes are red, and it looks like I've been crying which is annoying because what I did was a lot more ridiculously unnecessary.

I glance at my watch and notice that I'm twelve minutes late for class. I ponder whether I should go or not, but my perfectionistic rule about breaking my attendance record that nobody gives a shit about but me slaps me in the face.

I should go.

Axel and I share the class together, and I begin thinking of a lie to tell him when he asks me where I went.

I quickly fix my hair, as a few strands fell out of place when I was leaning over a fucking toilet, and I make sure I have no evidence of regurgitated lunch on my jacket. I sigh, pop a sugar-free mint in my mouth, and head out to class.

When I reach the classroom, I walk in and somehow my eyes lock with Juniper's. She's staring at me strangely, and a panicked thought strikes me. Does she know what I've done? Why is she staring at me? Do I look strange? I glance down at my shirt, thinking maybe I do have something on it, but no, I don't see anything.

I decide to ignore her as I walked down to my seat that was beside Axel. The professor continued on with her lecture pretending that she never noticed I came in late.

"Where the fuck did you go?" Axel whispers to me, and I shrug, refusing to look at him just in case my eyes were still red. "Felt sick." I lied but maybe it wasn't really a total lie, "I feel better now."

"Huh." He was silent for a moment before saying, "Maybe that Roxanne chick really did poison your food."

I say nothing and remain unfocused for the rest of the period. When class was over, I didn't bother to say anything to Axel, and immediately, returned to my dorm.

I decide that I don't want to see anyone for the rest of the day, I weigh myself immediately, my mind telling me I have to make sure the number is still as reasonable as it was this morning.

Two pounds. I purged everything I ate, and yet I still somehow gained two pounds. I take several deep breaths trying to comfort myself by coming up with rational reasons as to why my body is now two pounds heavier. I barely sleep and end up sporadically weighing myself all through the night, watching my weight slowly tick down ounce by ounce until the two pounds are nearly gone.

By the next morning, I'm running harder than I have in weeks due to my thoughts constantly reminding me of the useless nine-hundred calories in that fucking sandwich. I can't even remember the last time I ate a single meal with that many calories all at once.