As I Watch Him Die

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Aiden's POV

I refuse to pass out. 

I lean against the wall, sweat dripping down my forehead, which I keep wiping away but it always reappears. I feel my legs begging me to sit down but I can't, and so I depend on the wall to keep me standing.

The party is loud, so loud it makes me head hurt. Every beat of the song playing vibrates through me and every time it makes me more and more out of it, and weak.

It was a mistake coming here. It was a mistake not eating. It was a mistake thinking I could be normal and have a night of fun.

I knew I would have to drink alcohol tonight, there was no getting out of it. For two weeks I prepared for that moment. But the moment I drank the liquid, it was as though a panic button had been pressed, I couldn't take it. I had to get the burning liquid out of me. It didn't help that I had drank such an acidic drink on an empty stomach, regardless on whether I force myself or not, I would not have been able to keep it down for long.

I had attempted to go to the bathroom and rid myself of the drink, but the bathrooms were full, and I couldn't wait even a few more minutes with it sitting in my system, so I did the next worst thing.

I threw up outside in the bushes.

It made sense at the time, but now as I lean against the wall, I realize how reckless it was. Had anyone seen me? I don't think so, but I couldn't shake my mind of the thought.

Juniper is leaning against the wall beside me, and I notice she looks pale. She was fine only moments ago, and I wonder if it's because the alcohol she downed is making her feel sick. I'm about to tell her we can leave together -it'd give me an excuse to go- but Roxanne grips tight to my arm, shaking me from my daze.

"Come on!" She shouts in my ear, "Let's dance!" She's drunk and I don't know how to push her away without her getting mad.

I catch Juniper staring at me, and suddenly, before I could denounce Roxanne's invitation, she says, "Rox, I don't think he wants to dance with you."

Roxanne pouts, "Don't be such a bore." She tugs me closer to her, and wraps her long arms around me, and I want to throw up again.

"Enough." Juniper demands, and I've never seen her speak like that before. Almost immediately Roxanne is off me, and she's staring at her friend like she doesn't recognize her.

I'm unsure how to handle the situation, and I'm about to defuse the tension by giving in and telling Roxanne I'd dance with her, even though I don't think I'd make it without passing out, when Axel returns, and he's so drunk he's barely able to stand up.

He leans on me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, his head rests on my arm, "I'm fucking wasted, man."

This is a beautiful ticket out of here. For once, I'm grateful for Axel's alcoholism. "I should take you home." I say to him, and he protests, but he doesn't really. He's already half-passed whilst leaning on me.

I say goodnight to Juniper and to Roxanne, and Lucas offers to take Axel home instead, but I all-too-eagerly decline, and tell him I want to go home anyway.

He nods, and Axel and I leave.

I have my own arm wrapped around Axel's waist, hoping he doesn't pass out right here, because if he tumbles down, I'm going down with him. The world is spinning, and I'm grateful for the fresh air outside the party, because were it not for that, I don't think I'd make it to my own dorm.

"Fuck it's cold out here." Axel complains, and I realize he doesn't have is racecar helmet on, even though I saw him enter the party with it. I don't doubt he took it off and forgot about it, and I'm glad that he doesn't have a giant helmet he could potentially throw up in while wearing it.

"You're so slow." He says and tighten my grip around him.

"Says the one who can barely walk." I feel cold even though I'm sweating. I can physically feel each beat of my heart, begging for something to help me keep going, but I don't have anything. I can't bring myself to eat anything more tonight. The alcohol was enough.

The alcohol isn't in me anymore. But it was enough. It was more than enough. I'm fine, if I can just make it to my bed.

"You're feel small." He is clinging to my body, his breath smells repugnant like alcohol and some food that I can't decipher, "You should eat more, man."

I want to throw him off of me, but I don't, "Shut up." I say to him, and he does.

I make it to his dorm and he immediately passes out on his bed. I shut the door on my way out, and press myself against it, praying that I can muster enough energy to make it up the flight of stairs to my own dorm room.

One step at a time, I trudge up, thinking of only my bed, and getting this ridiculous costume off that Lucas gave me. His mother is a well-known fashion designer so it's not surprising that our costumes look authentic. It still doesn't shake the fact that I look ridiculous.

My dorm is in sight, and I'm too tired to be thankful. I unlock it, and almost fall in. My heart is now racing like I ran a marathon, and I slowly move through the room, shrugging off a layer of clothing until I make it to the bathroom, where, I somehow manage to throw up again, and this time, it wasn't even on purpose. I only throw up acid due to my lack of food, and my stomach clenches, and I wince at the pain. It feels as though I'm being stabbed, and I press a fist against my abdomen, pleading to the silence of my dorm for some relief.

I should eat something. Tomorrow, I tell myself. Tomorrow I will eat something.

I don't make it to my bed. The bathroom floor suddenly looks as inviting as ever, as I lay on the cold tile beside my sink, and fall into a sleep where I dream nothing at all.