The Cliffs of Étretat

Chapter 9

Hot breath on my skin. I closed my eyes and leaned closer.

Bzzt bzzzt! Bzzt bzzzt!

I jumped at the sudden noice and knocked my whiskey glass over with my knee.

So much for spilling drinks on yourself.

Sarah didn't notice the glass at all, she stared wide-eyed at her phone screen. Even I remained frozen in my movement for a moment. The person smiling at her screen was none other than Holland Taylor.

As she stared out of her shocked state she accepted the call with a trembling finger.

"Holland?"

"I know It's late... but I have to talk to you. And you are not here, and I need-„

"Darling are you drunk?" Sarah's voice sounded sober and worried suddenly.

"Yes I might, might have overdone it a little today."

"Are you home? Are you alone?" Asked Sarah

I also no longer felt so foggy from the alcohol, it was as if a cloud had cleared. And the pleasant tingling in my chest had given way to a pain. Probably because I've never heard her so worried before and because of the affectionate „darling" coming out of her mouth.

I was still sitting so close to her. I finally  stood up abruptly to wipe up the mess I made with my overturned glass.

From the kitchen I heard Sarah telling her quietly to lie down, drink a glass of water and sleep. They would talk to each other when she'll be back in LA.

I leaned against the fridge, took a deep breath and entered the room. She had hung up and was now staring into her empty whiskey glass.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly and wanted to put my arms around her, but I didn't dare to touch her after our moment earlier. It was too much.

"Yes" she choked out, still looking into her glass her phone lying next to her.

A tear rolled town her cheek and into the empty glass, she did not look at me.

And I just stood there. Unable to do or to say the right thing.

Another tear fell into the glass and she covered her eyes with her hands

If I hadn't been so sure that my heart was in my chest I could have sworn someone would have ripped it out. I couldn't handle seeing her like that.

I knelt down next to her and decided to do what felt right, I took the glass from her shaky hands and put it aside.

Without thinking much, I took her in my arms. I wrapped my arm around her side and she started to tremble and I hugged her tightly. She freed her arms and wrapped them around me and I felt her hot tears on my shoulder.

I had tears in my eyes myself. So we sat there until her sobbing had subsided and she slowly separated from me. Her breath stuttered as she took a deep breath. She didn't look at me her focus was on her hands.

"I'm sorry" your voice brought off.

"Don't be."  I put my fingers to her cheek and stroke a tear away with my thumb. It was the same gesture as hers in the car but this time it was me doing it.

She looked me in the eyes again. They were red and swollen and I wish I would never have to see them like this again. The glow had vanished  and the sadness that emanated from them was almost tangible.

"Its okay" I whispered.

"I-" she started but couldn't get the sentence out.

"You don't have to explain anything to me." I said, even though I wanted to ask her thousands of questions in that moment but all I wanted was for her to not be sad anymore.

She cleared her throat. "But I'd like to."

I nodded and took my hand off her heated cheek. She fidgeted.

„Um things haven't been easy between me and Holland lately.

So the reporter was right, no wonder it had hit her so hard.

It must be terrible when you try to distract yourself and then a complete stranger rubs salt into the wound.

Distraction... a distraction- I tried not to get stuck on that word in my head.

"It's okay," I whispered.

"I-" she started but couldn't get the sentence out.

She went on "Not for the reason you might think, it's not the age difference."

I shook my head "I wouldn't have thought that"

Sarah looked at me gratefully. "We had a few of disagreements.. many"

"And I know that's part of being in a healthy relationship but-" She took a deep breath "often we argue about little things, I don't know when it started but it used to be different. And we fight and sometimes I don't even know what we're fighting about...

Recently she said "She doesn't recognize me anymore, I changed" and in week it was the first time it felt like she meant it.

"It hit me hard, you know ... I often blame myself, even for things that weren't my fault. And she knows that, I had to distance myself for a while.

That explained why she has been here in New York so often lately.

"What if she's right, Emilia?" She looked into my eyes and I could see fear.

To be continued ...