The Cliffs of Étretat

Chapter 10

..."What if she's right, Emilia?" She looked into my eyes and I could see the fear.

"I think she might be right, my breakthrough with "The People vs. OJ" has opened many doors for me but I don't feel like I'm out of touch. Maybe a little more stressed and busier but I'm still myself." She paused for a moment.

"I appreciate all this, and I never thought I'd be so successful.. never. Its what I had dreamed of but nothing more"

I wanted to tell her how much she deserved it, how talented she is, but I didn't want to interrupt her flow of speech.

"Since our argument I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I wish I could still be the person she fell in love with. I don't know..."

She laughed bitterly "Wow I am 45 and I have the worst existential crisis of my life.

I said "First of all, you deserve all of this, secondly don't tell yourself that. You're the same wonderful person you've always been." Oh god she probably wonders how I could judge that when we had only known each other for such a short time how but that was it.

"Did she say that? Holland? That succes has turned your head?"

She hesitated „No Um she didn't, but Jil did."

I looked at her questioningly.

"Jil is a friend of hers." She sighed and stroked her hair behind her ear.

"She's never liked me, you know how nerve-rackingit is when someone hates you for no reason?"

I nodded "Yes, I wish I had found a way to deal with it by now. I once had a girl in my class, she bullied me for years, embarrassed me in front of the whole class and she called me names."

„I've never understood how some kids can be so cruel. I used to get bullied for my lisp. In fact I still sometimes get silly comments about it every now and then."

I thought about how adorable her lisp is but kept me from actually saying it.

„Anyway ..did you figure out why she hated you so much?" Asked Sarah

"Oh actually I did." I grinned "She was in love with me but was too scared to admit it. I had no idea."

Sarah smiled slightly. I couldn't read her expression but was happy to have cheered her up a little. Then she frowned „ I'm very sure Jil has no romantic interest in me. I hope not!"

She had to laugh at the thought of it as if it was the most absurd thing in the world.

"Who knows" she replied and winked, she groaned and I kept teasing her "You surely have many anonymous lovers all over the world" at this sentence I blushed and quickly changed the subject.

"Why do you think she hates you?"

"It's just the way she treats me, all fake and obvious fake kindness. God how much I hate it! I wish she would just tell me straight to my face what she thinks of me. „

„She's been telling Holland that I'm bad influence since we started seeing each other,"

I could hear the anger in her voice "She thinks that I behave inappropriately and embarrassingly on TV appearances, that I am waay too young, that the age difference is an issue, that she could be my mother and although I never wanted to, I alway take it to heart."

„I honestly don't understand why the two are still friends, its such a toxic relationship...Jil is not really the problem of all of this. Holland always told me not to listen to her but I feel and hear the influence more and more. It's like I'm speaking with Jil and not my girlfriend."

I couldn't resist commenting „I honestly think that Jil is the bad influence on her not you! Why can't people let other people be happy without their unwanted opinion?!"

Sarah smiled sadly as if she wanted to say but we aren't anymore.

As long as I could remember, I had shipped them. A small voice in my head reminded me that I had almost kissed Sarah and feelings of guilt arose and went deep into my consciousness.

"It's getting late, I'd better take you home." Said Sarah.

And even though I didn't want to say goodbye to her. I felt that enough had happened for one day. There was a lot that I had to process and I was sure Sarah wanted to spent some time alone.

Before I got off the car she took my hand and put a note in it.

She smiled and the previous breakdown was barely noticeable.

"Thanks for everything tonight."

I closed the door and she was gone, I opened my hand and unfolded the note.

On it was her cell phone number and underneath a very simple Sarah.

I finally had a way to reach her. I held the note like it was the most important thing I own.
When I got to my apartment, I dropped onto my bed, everything was spinning. I was far from being sober.

I could not sleep so I turned up the radio and it couldn't have been more ironic.
Chers song „I found someone" played. I lay down again and let the lyriks of the song pass over me.

"Don't you know, so many things they come and go
Like your words that once rang true
Just like the love I thought I found in you
And I remember the thunder, talkin' 'bout the fire in your eyes
But you walked away when I needed you most."

To be continued..
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Merry Christmas ❤️ I appreciate all of you so much and I really hope that you enjoy this story so far. I wish this chapter was more Christmassy ..
I hope that you have a wonderful day with your loved ones and you can spend the next days like me with your nose in a book.