Sink or Swim

May

Chapter Song: Superposition- Young the Giant

"Cal! Please just listen to me!" I cried. I sniffed wiping the snot from my nose as he brushed past me in the parking lot.

"So instead you told everyone around you except me? I mean I don't expect to be the first or even the second person you tell Ken but Jesus. When did you think the right time to tell me was? That the one person I care about, just hiding something that big," he choked on the last few words. "Why couldn't you have just told me from the start?" He looked at me patiently. "We all knew you were making a decision. I gave you so many chances to talk about it."

"I didn't know how you'd react," I squeaked. 

"And you think me finding out this way was better?" After a moment of silence, he added, "I've always been supportive of you. What happened to we'll be okay? We were always there for each other when it mattered. What made you think this would have been different?"

As much as I wanted to scream and shout the words I wanted to my mouth was forming them. It was like my brain wired my lips shut and powered my whole body down.

"Right," he chucked. "Because after everything I'm still the bad guy. I'm still the one that lost your trust and broke your heart. Little did you know that the game you played with me this year was ten times worse. You pushing me away and then wanting me, that's excruciatingly painful. I watched you do it, I fucking gave you my heart on a silver platter to have your way with it. But I don't have anything, left to give you."

"I don't need you to give me anything. I am sorry. I am sorry that I kept it from you, and I didn't know how to tell you. I am sorry that I'm leaving. But we're both going somewhere. We were never going to go to the same place anyway."

"C'mon, Kenny everyone is upstairs already. Let's go," Liam groaned knocking on the doorframe.

I tried to shake off the thoughts that I couldn't get out of my head since prom. NOt the moment Cal found out, not our dance, or our screaming match in the parking lot after.

You win.

He had to keep reminding me of a game we were playing. I didn't want to play games, but somehow still kept playing.

"After all, it's your party," he shrugged giving me a small smile.

"Stop." I rolled my eyes and swatted at him. "You know it's for both of us."

"Eh, I beg to differ. You're the one leaving tomorrow."

Tomorrow.

"Yeah but you are also leaving at the end of the summer." I scoffed as we headed up the stairs to greet everyone.

Some of our family were here. All of our friends and their families were here. It was kind of a celebratory party for all of us graduating, but also a going-away party for me. Single digits now. Time certainly ticked away.

I smiled at everyone and gave hugs when needed. I even spoke to Cal'smom for a while. I was sure she knew what had happened between us or at least what was going on with Cal. She didn't mention anything, but she did mention how excited she was with me and to send her lots of postcards. I promised her I will as I kept glancing at Cal.

He was sitting on the edge of the couch with a drink in his hands talking to Mason, Ty, and Liam. My dad was with them chatting away. Livi walked over to squeeze in between Liam and Cal. I saw her whispering into Cal's ear. Occasionally he would look our way and I tried not to pay attention.

"You want to eat something? All I've seen you do is talk to people." Riley walked up to me interlocking her fingers with mine. I let her drag me to the tables of food we had set up and stocked my plate with as much as I could.