Could I Be? (BxB)

Chapter 3

For the past few weeks, the thoughts of Zane haven't stopped. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to think of something else, Zane's always there. I've managed to act normally around him, keeping my demeanor the same and the way I talk to him consistent. But the thoughts are getting stronger.

I want to talk to someone so badly that it's killing me. But I don't have anyone to talk to. Oh wait...Josh! I can talk to him! Thankfully it's Saturday and Josh has the day off from practice (which has been kicking his ass even after three straight wins with the team). After getting some lunch, I rush back to the room and find the door open. I walk in and find Josh sitting on his bed, strumming his guitar (he got it back two weeks ago).

He hears me walk in and looks up. "Hey, Eric," he says.

"Hey, Josh. Listen, I need to talk to you about some stuff."

Josh sits up and puts his guitar back in its stand. "Is something wrong?"

I walk over to my bed and take a seat. "I...really don't know. All I do know is that I need some help."

"Well, I'm here to listen. What's up?"

I stare at the floor for a minute, trying to get my thoughts in order. "Since the start of September, I've been having these...weird feelings..."

"Weird feelings?"

"They're...about another guy. Like I want to be closer to him. I feel like I want to be as close to him as possible. I've been pulling my hair out for a few weeks now and I've been getting nowhere with this. Do you know what's going on?"

Josh thinks about it for a second before smiling. "I know exactly what you're going through, Eric."

I jerk my head up at him in surprise. "You do?"

"Yeah. You're feeling the exact same way I was feeling a year ago, before Leo and I got together, before I realized I was gay."

Fear races through me. "I-I'm not gay!" I yell.

"I never said you were," Josh calmly replies. "But you and I were in the same situation last September."

"How so?"

"A year ago, I thought I was completely straight. But then I had no interest in dating any girls. On the first day of my senior year, I met Leo, and he became the only thing that was on my mind. His hair, his smile, his body, everything about him I couldn't stop thinking about."

It's exactly like me with Zane...

"So I went to the library and did a little research," he continues. "I found that a lot of boys start thinking about the same sex during their teenage years. For me, the thoughts haven't disappeared and I realized I was gay about two months after I met Leo."

"S-So...I'm gay?" I shakily ask.

"Not necessarily. For a lot of boys, the thoughts eventually disappear without a trace. But Eric, you need to know that these thoughts are perfectly normal."

"They are?"

"Absolutely. So, you don't need to worry so much. The thoughts may go away for you, and they might not. But the only thing you need to know is that whether or not the thoughts disappear, it's okay."

I look back at the floor and feel my fists clench. "I'm just...really scared, Josh. Something like this has never happened to me before and I don't know what to do..."

Josh gets up from his bed, crosses the room, and takes a seat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as his sits. "I know it's really scary, Eric. It was for me too. But if I can tell you one thing, it's this: it will get better. I promise you that."