A Couple's Daily Life

Then (angst and drama?)

Lazari continued to type away at her phone, looking at the name the person was using. Looking back at their past conversations, she had assumed that the person has a really interesting attitude. She gazed up the clock. It was almost time for her class to start.

She looked back at her phone and unconsciously smiled. She had fun talking with her but time will be quite cruel.

She found out that the person was female much later. And her name was Ria. Whenever Ria posted a message, she'll reply on everything except for times when she really cannot reply for things she needs to do.

They started going out after a few months.

Lazari felt quite giddy but still, sometimes, when she tells Ria 'I love you' and with her now girlfriend telling the same, she feels guilty.

She looked at the picture frame on her table bed. The picture was of a female. It was not Ria, that was certain. She haven't even memorised her features yet, and again, that guilty feeling came back.

That picture of someone, she still keeps. And the love she was taking from Ria for granted was...

She reached out her hand to touch the picture frame like she was stroking the face of the girl in the portrait.

She didn't have her and still longed for her. She have Ria who was giving her all her love (-she was unworthy of it, she knows-) but she... She sees her only as a substitute of something she cannot have. She basks in her warmth, thinking that maybe, maybe the warmth came from someone she longs for- but as soon as she snaps back out of her thoughts and back to reality, she remembers. She remembers how much of a worse demon she is than those that haunts children's dreams.

Her guilt deepens, it was more prominent than before, making her feel an obligation. She wants to stop using Ria. Stop it, so she'll feel less hurt than she'll be when she ends their relationship. But a part of her says, 'no'. She does not know why.

Again, looking at the texts Ria had given her, she can feel the happiness oozing off from her phone just by some simple text. Maybe Ria was too excited, there are a lot of exclamation points and emojis there...

She chuckles, alright. She wants to be selfish, she wants to have peace even for a moment, even if she knew it will end sooner or later- (-it won't, the future says-) she wants this. She wants to be loved. Only her. She wants Ria's attention, even if she was only someone she's living off by taking. Like a parasite.

Well, what worse can it get? At most, she'll let Ria slap her if she ends it, let her abuse her. No matter how unwilling she is now, she'll be tired of this...fake love that they share sooner or later.

Letting those thoughts hide on the back of her head, she replies to one of Ria's message, 'How do you do, babe? I missed you!'

__________

Ria swept her gaze on her phone that had buzzed, signifying that there was a new message. She picked up her phone and smiled. Her smile may seem like she was appreciatimg something, but the way her eyes droop a little was unoticeable unless you look closely. Yes, it was a reply from Lazari, but it had already been some time after her message. She loves her, she do. But she knew, -woman's instincts, she tells herself- that Lazari does not feel the same as she does.