The Thousand Words We Spoke (A Novella)

Chapter Twelve

New Year came and still there was no message from Adam wishing her a happy holiday. It felt like the end to an era, the final chapter written on this stage of her story, and Mia had to learn to accept that and start a new stage that Adam wouldn't be a part of.

There was nothing callous about his actions. Mia knew him well enough to know he was giving her the distance she asked for. Yet she never expected him to give it. Whether fighting for her or fighting for their friendship, she expected something, anything, to prove that he wasn't truly letting her go. But there was no fight and for the first time, Mia questioned what the hell she'd bothered holding onto for all these years.

Someday she hoped to give her heart to someone who would cherish it, not just hand it back to her with a 'no thanks'. Maybe the thousand miles between them would give her some chance of finding that person she wouldn't hate herself for loving.

With her moving van all packed up, she looked around at the city she'd called home for the last five years and gave it a silent 'goodbye'. While she never loved living there, it'd been a big part of her life and like everything big in life, it was hard to let go of, even if it wasn't right for her.

"You sure you want to do this, kiddo," her father quadruple checked. "Say the word and I'll unpack this whole damn truck."

Because her mom knew her decision more than her father, she'd accepted the fate of the situation. But her father would never know why she'd chosen a job so far away and had been fighting her tooth and nail these last two weeks.

"I'm sure I want to do this, dad," she reassured him. "I have to."

Though her dad knew squat about vehicles, he went around the vehicle and inside of it so he could pretend to confirm it was safe enough for the trip.

"Still haven't heard from him?" Her mother guessed.

Mia shook her head. "Not a word," Mia spoke as she turned to look at her mom. "I miss him. I miss him more now than I did when he was on the other side of the world. At this point, I don't even know if I regret kissing him or not. I mean, would it have been better to just keep going the way we were forever, or was this something I needed to know so I could force myself to stop waiting for him?"

Her mother shrugged a single shoulder. "Only time can answer that one, kiddo. But I am proud of you for putting yourself out there, even if it was to the wrong guy."

That was what Mia would have to remind herself of repeatedly until she believed it. Adam was the wrong guy. He felt so right for years, even if she knew her feelings were wrong, but the situation proved he wasn't the man for her.

Mia wanted a man who would fight for her, who would look at her only with love and would stand by her side with pride. She wasn't stupid or blind and was well aware that love wasn't a fairytale. There would be difficulties no matter who she chose to spend her life with. Love shouldn't be at the cost of family, however, and that was what Adam stood to lose by being with her. As much as her heart called out to him, he wasn't the right man for her.

"All right, van looks good!" Her father proclaimed as he smacked his hands together, then wiped the dust off on his slacks with immediate regret.

Her mom gave her a tight squeeze. "Drive safe and live strong, honey."

A smile crossed her lips for the first time in forever as she repeated the last part in her mind.

Live strong.

She hugged her father, gave them both one last look as if she were committing them to memory, then got behind the wheel and started the van.

Strength was something she didn't feel when she finally pulled away from the curb and drove away with her parents in the rear-view mirror. Mia only hoped she'd find it in Mesa, Arizona. After all, her strength couldn't hide from her forever.

It was only a block when Mia hit her first stop light and jumped when she heard the passenger door open. She swore her heart stopped and fell out of her body when Adam jumped into the seat beside hers.

"What the actual hell, Adam!" Mia yelled at him. When the driver honked their horn behind her, she had no choice but to proceed with her unintended passenger.

Mia kept driving until she found the nearest parking lot and pulled into it, throwing the van into park.

"Ask me why I took that job offer," Adam demanded.

She already knew why he took the offer. It was a once in a lifetime experience for him and his big break into making a name for himself in the photography world. The look on his face, however, told Mia there was more to the story. "Why did you take it?"

Adam pressed his pointer finger to his right temple and rubbed small circles around it. The man looked like hell, something she'd never seen before. His clothes were wrinkled, and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"I was thirty-six years old and had feelings for a woman half my age."

Immediately, she knew he was talking about her. Why else would he say it? Still, that couldn't be right. It made little sense. While Adam had a sublime poker face that only told you what he wanted you to know, it couldn't have been that good, could it?

"What the hell are you talking about, Adam?"

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "The night of your prom you came down that big staircase, and it was like time got turned to slow motion. That night you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and every day after that, that was all I could see.

"When I got offered that job, I wasn't going to go. I couldn't leave you like that. Then I realized that leaving was the only way to avoid fucking everything up, so that's what I did. I thought maybe if I spent some time away from you I could get my head on straight, but then I got back and nothing had changed. You were still the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."

"You're serious?" Though it was Mia who asked, it was clear what the answer was, and Adam seemed to see no reason to answer it, which was only further proof. "Why are you telling me this?"

It made nothing easier. It cleared nothing up. All his words added to the sorrow she felt deep within her. All they did was give her a hint into why he left her apartment after the kiss. He was running away from how he felt. Again, it would seem.

"Because I don't want you to leave without understanding that I do love you. My time away didn't change that. You and I could spend the next decade apart and it wouldn't erase one fucking thing."

She'd suspected that was true long before he spoke the words, but again, they changed nothing. He could feel this way for her for the rest of his days, but Adam loved his family too much to give into it. Being apart might very well change nothing, but it was easier than watching love being dangled in front of her, just out of reach and taunting her every time she looked at him.

Mia shook her head and closed her eyes, feeling tears fall down to her pale cheeks. "It probably won't," she agreed quietly. "No matter where I go and no matter how long I'm gone, I will always love you. Even if I find someone else to love, you'll always have more of my heart than anyone else. But that love is weighing me down and keeping me in place and if I have to leave my heart behind with you in order for the rest of me to move forward, so be it.

"How does that quote go? 'Loving someone and choosing someone are two different things.'. You can say you love me a thousand times and it might even be true, but you aren't choosing me."

It was difficult to believe in Adam's love when he seemed willing to walk away from it twice, but then again, she was walking away, too.

Mia felt a kiss against her temple and her eyelids squeezed tighter as she heard the car door open. When it closed, she let out the cry that had been building within her.