The Thousand Words We Spoke (A Novella)

Chapter Seventeen

After an hour or more of driving and allowing her time to break and regroup, Mia pulled into the driveway of her parent's house and killed the engine before sneaking back in, only to find everyone was already awake, including Holden.

"Why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" Holden shouted at her, clearly from worry rather than anger.

Mia went through her purse and fished out her phone. "Crap, it's still on airplane mode. I'm sorry, Holden. I didn't mean to worry you. Any of you."

Her father crossed his arms and stood as tall as he could make himself, which wasn't particularly tall. "You mind telling us where you disappeared to?"

When her eyes travelled to her mother, it was obviously one of them had known where she was and kept it to herself. "I went to go see Adam. To check up on him. I thought it would be easier on him if it was just me."

Her father's body eased. "You should have left a note, kiddo, instead of making us worry like that. How is he? Any better?"

"I don't think he wants me here," Mia admitted with a forced shrug. "I know you guys were hoping I could get him to open up like I used to do, but I can't."

Holden went over to her and tilted up her head, looking at her; studying her. "You've been crying. What the hell did he say to you?"

"Nothing," Mia whispered before correcting herself. "Everything. I don't know. It wasn't what he said, but how he said it." It wasn't the first time she spoke those words about Adam and knew many men thought that comment was bullshit.

Adam had said nothing damning or cruel that night. But he went from angry to desperate to sad to indifferent. Not an ounce of love could be found within in and Mia only hoped he got blue balls from her departure. She was done. So fucking done.

"I'm going to head upstairs and take a shower."

Holden's hands dropped from her arms. "You took one three hours ago."

"Yeah, well the way he treated me, I feel like I need another." That and she actually needed a shower yet again. Mia needed to wash away any trace of him from her skin. She was done and ready to stop taking things so damn slowly with Holden.

"Come on, Holden," her mother said, trying to tame the fire. "Why don't you tell me about yourself while I make some breakfast."

Mia rushed upstairs and scrubbed her body in the shower until it felt raw. She hadn't cheated on Holden since they hadn't yet defined their relationship and weren't officially exclusive. Even so, she felt like she was cheating on herself at the very least for falling into that trap once again.

Mia was like a mouse following the scent of cheese to a live trap time and time again, tossed away, and still she came back for more. It was only a matter of time before she found her way in again, only to find out too late that the trap was replaced with something far more final.

Though she still didn't feel clean enough, Mia turned off the water and hoped time would take care of the rest. After trying her hair and slipping on her robe, Mia left the room and saw Holden standing there, staring at her pictures once again.

"It was him, wasn't it? The guy who broke your heart?" He asked, his focus moving to a new photograph of her and Adam every few seconds.

On their earlier dates, Mia had gone into a little detail about her heartbreak, but far less than he had with his ex-wife. She'd told him she'd been in love with the guy for forever, but when push came to shove, he just didn't want her enough to try, and she had to walk away. Her hesitation to love came from not trusting the person to love her back and from experience giving her entire heart to someone meant getting it back in a box filled with pieces. Only some were missing so you could never fully put it back together.

That was all she told him. Not his name or just how long 'forever' was.

Mia tightened the robe around her body, though it was her mind that felt exposed. "Is it that obvious?"

"After my divorce was finalized, my parents invited her to a family thing because she'd been a part of the family for so long. All I told them about the divorce was that we both felt it was time to go our separate ways because I don't believe in hating someone for the wrong they do to someone else. They didn't know about the late nights she'd spent out with her friends with her phone off, sometimes never coming back at all. Or those couple of times she came back smelling like cologne and sex.

"I went upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. The look I saw in the mirror was the same look you came back with. Add that to the fact that he was in the town you were living in, but avoided seeing you even with all this history... It's not obvious unless you know what you're looking for."

Holden turned around, his lips pressed into a fine line as he swallowed hard. He lowered his head to rub the back of his neck and when his head lifted, a shaky smile appeared on his face. "I won't ask about what happened between the two of you when you went over there because I don't want to know. But I am going to ask you to spend the next few days thinking about what you want. If what you want is to keep torturing yourself over a guy who only causes you pain, I'll bow out gracefully and with no hard feelings. But if what you want is me, then I will ask for you in return.

"I can't ask you to never see each other again because that isn't realistic or fair. Your families are connected by business and a history and that means he'll always have a small part of your life. But I'll want that part to remain small and I'll want a genuine commitment from you."

Holden could have any single woman he wanted, but he was choosing her and it was far more than she deserved, considering this was probably all deja vu for him. Mia hadn't answered her phone and had smelled like the bourbon on his breath. Plump lips and shame.

Every bone in her body felt weak as she sat on the corner of her bed, looking down at the expensive salmon colored Egyptian cotton bedding. "Tonight.... this morning," she corrected, "I told him it was time for me to let go and stop loving someone who didn't exist. And it's true, he doesn't exist anymore. At eighteen, I watched the love of my life drive away and go out into the world and he never came back. I've been wasting these years loving this shell and I promise you I'm done because you're right. He causes me nothing but pain."

He came up to her, knelt in front of the bed, and tucked her damp hair behind her ear. "You'll see him a few more times in the next few days, Mia, so I don't want your answer until we get to the airport. When that time comes, I want to see how much you mean it, whatever answer you give. Until then and hopefully after, I'm here for you as your boyfriend and as a friend. Okay?"

Mia looked him in the eyes and nodded slowly. She understood what he was saying. Right now, the answer she was giving him was made of fresh pain. He wanted more confidence in her decision and Mia was determined to build that confidence, so when the time came, he could trust her answer.