Scared (L.S)

seventeen

"I think we should tell my mum," Harry said one day. Louis and Harry had driven out to the water for the day. It had been great. Although it was chilly, January had been kind to England and the two boys were able to mess around on the beach. Dressed in jeans and hoodies, the two built sandcastles and ate icecream and maybe even made out on the sand. And at the end of the day, they were lying on the hood of Louis' car, wrapped in a blanket as they lay with their sides pressed against each other, one of Louis' arms behind his own head and the other behind Harry's.

Days like this made Harry want to be out. Days where they drove two hours away from their little town so as to avoid everyone they know. Harry loved to be able to just grab Louis' hand and to have the other boy kiss his cheek and smile at him like he held the whole world in the palm of his hand.

Harry got that Louis was scared to come out, Harry was too, but at some point, Harry figured that he was going to have to do it, so why not then?

"Tell your mum what?" Louis asked, turning so he was facing Harry a bit more. Harry leaned up on his side as well, smiling as Louis brought his hand up to finger one of Harry's curls that were blowing in the wind coming off the water.

"Tell her about us," Harry said. He watched as an almost unreadable expression covered Louis' face, though, it was clearly one of discontent.

"I'm not ready to be out, H."

"It's just my mum, Lou, I'm pretty sure she already knows."

Louis fell back against the windshield of the car, a heavy sigh leaving his lips.

"What if she tells someone? I can't have everyone at school knowing. And-and my family doesn't even know I'm... whatever..." Harry could tell that Louis was stressing himself out. He seemed to do that anytime Harry brought up this topic.

"Louis," Harry said in an effort to calm his boyfriend down. Harry moved carefully so he was basically lying on top of Louis, their faces only centimetres apart. Harry reached his hands up to hold Louis' face in place before leaning down and pressing their lips together softly. "You're okay, Lou."

This seemed to calm Louis down as his face relaxed and his hands moved to the backs of Harry's upper thighs.

"Please, Louis," Harry whined, "It would mean so much to me. I don't want to be out to everyone, I just don't like lying to my mum and, come on boo, she probably already knows. She's almost caught us making out like 10 times. And I think she's seen both our boners at this point."

"This is what you really want, H?" Louis asked after a minute of silence. Harry only nodded his head. "I'm scared, H."

"I know. Me too."

"Okay baby, let's tell her." A smile instantly formed on Harry's face and he leaned down to kiss his boyfriend in gratitude.

-----

"Mum?" Harry called later that week when he heard the door open. It had been a few days and, although Louis may have freaked out about it a few more times, Harry had decided that he needed to tell his mum about their relationship. He really didn't like lying to her.

Louis hadn't wanted to be there when Harry told his mum and the younger boy agreed that that was probably for the best. Although it was their relationship that Harry wanted to tell her about, it was also his sexuality and he thought that that was something he should do on his own.

So although Louis had come over after school and cuddles his boyfriend for three hours as they watched TV and listened to music, he had left shortly before Anne came home.

Harry was sitting at the kitchen table when his mum came into the room. "Hi love, how was your day?"

"I need to tell you something." Harry got right to the point.

"Alright," His mother agreed, sitting down at the table in front of him, "Did something happen?"

Harry shook his head and took a deep breath. Harry opened his mouth to say the words...

And all that came out was a sob.

He couldn't do it.

"Harry, love, what's wrong?" Harry couldn't say anything. He just stood up, tears falling from his eyes as another sob built up in his chest. Harry ran out of the kitchen, and out of the house as sobs broke their way from his chest.

Harry ran down the sidewalk, socked feet slapping against the pavement until he couldn't breathe. He leaned down, resting his hands on his knees as he panted to catch his breath, before pulling his phone from his pocket and dialling the familiar number.

"Hi, baby," Harry immediately relaxed at the soothing tone of his boyfriend. However, that didn't stop the sob that escaped his throat as he spoke.

"Lou."

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"Can you come get me?"

"Course, love, you at home?"

"No, I'm at..." Harry paused as he looked around until he found a street sign and a house number, reading it off to his boyfriend.

"I'll be right there baby."

Harry was sitting on the curb, sweater-clad hands covering his face, when Louis pulled up in his car. Louis immediately got out and ran over to where Harry was just standing up, instantly pulling the smaller boy into his arms. Louis' comforting actions only caused Harry to cry harder. Louis picked Harry, one arm under his bum to hold him up, and carried him to the car, opening the passenger door with one hand and placing his boyfriend in.

Louis crouched down beside the car, rubbing one hand on his boy's thigh while the other stroked his cheek lightly. "Honey."

Harry looked at him with a look that breaks Louis' heart in a way he didn't think was possible. The boy that he was completely gone for looked like he was in so much pain that Louis wanted to hold him tightly in his arms and never let go, for fear of Harry ever experiencing pain like that again. Harry looked at him with a red blotchiness to his normally smooth, pale skin, red-rimmed eyes and lips in a heart-breaking pout that Louis just wants to kiss away.

At least he had stopped sobbing.

"Baby, honey, what happened?"

But Harry wouldn't tell him. He just shook his head and turned away so he was no longer facing Louis. Louis sighed and stood up, closing Harry's door gently and making his way over to the driver's side, taking a deep breath before opening the door and sitting in the seat next to Harry.

Louis started the engine, buckling in before turning to look at Harry for a moment, although the younger boy just remained facing forward, looking at the road. However, just as Louis put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb, he felt a hand grab his own and grasp it tightly, as if it were afraid either one of them might float away should it let go.

Louis smiled painfully and held Harry's hand just as tightly as he drove away.

---

this was supposed to be very different (I was gonna make it super easy for Harry to come out but I think I was sad when I wrote this)

love you all

thanks for reading

xx