Everything {Nate Jacobs)

Love

9. Nate Jacobs

Maybe it's the way she talked, the way she handled herself, or maybe it's just an obsession.

He didn't think it was an obsession though, he loved her too much for it to be just that.

So now sitting across from her at a diner, he felt more than content. She was shifting through the menu but he already knew what she was gonna order.

A milk shake and regular fries and that's exactly what she ordered.

Nowadays Nate was always in thought, he'd reminisced more than he admitted, thinking of how many ways he could have not fucked up.

Because for one he cheated, but he also knew he could have been more gentle, more patient, and more there.

Nate tended to be closed off, and she never really forced him to tell her anything, he kind of just talked his mind out- regardless of what it was and she just listened. No one ever listened. Except for her. So thinking back to the last time they were at the diner, he remembered being slightly boring- comfortable but he was being boring and he wouldn't let that happen anymore. He couldn't.

"I haven't been here in forever." She admitted. He looked up from his menu, focusing his attention on her. She was so pretty.

"Why?" His brows furrowed and he was leaned in as if everything she said was interesting- as if she was telling a very interesting story.

"Because I- I don't know. It was like a you and me thing, you know?" And the facade was over. He knew what she was thinking and the guilt hovered over him. A new feeling taking into place- one that he was so familiar with and it was his fault. He wasn't even mad at her for bringing it up, he wanted her to share everything about herself and her thoughts. Because truthfully Nate was guilty, so fucking guilty. He didn't deserve her and for some reason she was still there.

He had treated her like a rag but regardless she was still there for him.

"I'm sorry." His eyes watered, he wasn't sure why, but he had an idea.

"It's okay." She smiled, the food arriving quickly after she said that.

He remained frozen, the food in front of him untouched.

"Are you okay?" She looked up from her milk shake.

"No, not really." He confessed. His heart racing, and he his anxiety picked up.

She stood up abruptly, making his heart stop, he remained seated as he watched her walk to the register area, coming back with plastic take out plates and a cup.

"Stop, I don't want to leave yet, I still wanna hang out." Nate felt vulnerable and his anxiety wasn't helping, he reminded himself that it was just her and that it was okay to share his feelings.

"Come to mine?" She offered, he rapidly nodded and watched as she packed his and her food to go.

His anxiety fading just as quickly realizing she wasn't going anywhere.

*

"My dads out, I think he has a new girlfriend." She paused briefly before unlocking the house door.

One he was too familiar with, it was exactly the same as it was a couple months ago. There was even still a photo of them two when they went to homecoming together, he smiled at that.

"Do you wanna go to my room?" She dropped her jacket over the couch, he took notice of it, watching as her shoulders relaxed. He had a thing for her shoulders- and it wasn't sexual.

"Y-yeah." He cursed himself at his stutter. He was over 6 feet, stuttering at a girl who was possibly 12 inches shorter.

"You're tiny." He muttered, following her into the familiar room, he once spent most of his days in. The food in his hands seeming heavier.

"I'm not that short to be fair, I'm actually average." She narrowed her eyes at him, she sounded like she was accusing him of stealing.

I love you. He thought it over and over the words almost slipping out of his mouth.

He recalled being in his room and thinking of everything he would say to her and boy was it a long list, however, being face to face with her now, he couldn't think of anything.

"I noticed you were a little antsy before so I figured it would be best to come here, you know? It's like better? I'm not sure if I'm really making sense." I love you, he thought again.

"It- it makes sense, thank you."

"How have you been like overall? I haven't really talked to you in like months, and I hear a lot about you if I'm being honest but I try not to, it kinda feels weird because I feel like I don't really know you anymore. Like I used to but not anymore so like I try not to believe anything really." She was rambling and he missed that side of her.

"I'm okay, just trying to become better." For you. For us.

"How about you? I sit next to you like everyday but I don't know much about what's going on." He lied, he knew that all she did was color and paint, he knew a lot. He observed her a lot.

"I'm okay, just everything is the same old you know." She said tucking her hair behind her ear.

Nate hates himself with passion, he also hated the world, he was mad at it. How could he possibly be a good person, when everyone and everything around him told him to be a bad person. Everyone except her. He didn't deserve her at all, he constantly reminded himself. 

$$$$

So I was reading some interviews about Jacob on his role and Nate Jacobs the character is so complex, I was thinking about doing the mental break down scene next, I'm not sure, what do you guys think, please please leave side comments and insights on what you want to see next, I take all suggestions openly