Before You Start A War

Chapter Twenty-Seven

The four men travel in silence for nearly an hour. They initially started off by running, then jogging, then walking, then dragging their feet until finally, Louis speaks up. "I think we're far enough away."

Liam continues walking. Harry's boots are dragging tracks in the dirt, having to carry the extra weight of Niall who nodded off fairly early during their journey.

"We should rest." Louis tries again, walking a few paces behind Liam.

Again, Liam doesn't give any notion that he's heard anything. A few more moments pass until Louis stops in his tracks, putting his arm out to stop Harry who was trailing behind them.

"At least until sunrise, Liam. We have no idea where we are, but at least in the morning we'll be able to collect our bearings."

It's only after the sound of three footsteps becomes one that Liam finally turns around. "Fine. I'll take first watch."

Louis motions to a cluster of trees off to the side, and Harry is just barely able to pull himself over and situate Niall in a laying position before collapsing next to him. He presses close to Niall's body, trying to share as much body heat as possible. Niall sighs and subconsciously reaches out, grabbing Harry's arm and pulling it to press against his chest. Within minutes, they're both asleep.

Louis, having set up a small bed for himself made of quilts, turns around to find the two cuddled close with Liam off in the distance, a dim flicker from his lantern giving away his position. Louis smiles softly at the two sleeping men, taking one of his quilts and draping it over the two before joining Liam in the trees.

"I said I'd take first watch." Liam warns when he hears Louis approaching.

"It's not safe to be on lookout alone."

Liam scoffs, "Oh yeah? Where'd you learn that?"

Louis reels back slightly, his eyebrows furrowing. However, regardless of Liam's bitterness, Louis slides down and leans his back into Liam's tree.

"They always told us if we were caught alone we were dead no matter what, but if we were caught as a pair at least we'd perish together." Louis tells him.

"How heartwarming. What else did they teach you?"

Louis ignores his sarcastic tone, "They taught us how to fight, and kill, and survive. All necessary to know, depending on the situation."

"Did they ever teach you to take a fucking hint?"

"Guess I missed that lesson."

"I'll give you a crash course: when someone obviously wants to be left alone, do the good thing and leave them alone."

Louis bites his lip for a moment before responding, "I don't think I quite get it."

"Fuck off, for fucksake."

"Damn, that's a tongue twister."

Liam heaves a sigh of frustration, "Listen, you fucking--"

"You really do like that word."

"-- if you do not leave me alone right now I'll fucking chop you up and throw you in the river, so would you please--"

"Don't think you're capable, chief."

Liam pauses, "Capable of what?"

"Killing me. You're over here having a mental breakdown about the last person you killed."

They both go silent for a minute. Liam looks down at his pants. "I've never--"

"Of course you haven't. You're a stationary medic."

"-- but I've lost patients before--"

"Doesn't matter. None of them died because of your actions."

"-- I don't know why this is so hard--"

"You've never been the one to pull the trigger."

"-- Jesus fucking Christ can you stop interrupting me!"

Liam's voice resonates in the trees. A murder of crows screech and fly from the surrounding shrubbery. The silence afterwards is eerie as the two men look both ways, dimming the lantern light to make sure they didn't give their location away to a possible search party.

When Louis doesn't speak up for a few minutes, Liam finally sighs. "I don't know what we're even doing. There's no way they'll just let us back in."

Louis tilts his head to one side.

"I don't know where else to bring us, though. If we stay out here, we'll starve or be hunted by the company. Or maybe captured by more of you."

Louis scrunches his nose up at the insinuation, but let's Liam continue. "But we need to get Niall back to a doctor. I grabbed some supplies before we left, but not nearly enough and if his injuries get infected, or a fever sets in, he could be dead like that." He snaps in time with the last word.

When Liam doesn't say anything for a moment, Louis finally asks, "Where are you planning on taking us?"

"I was gonna take us to our nearest brigade, which is still 100 miles away. I didn't want to take us to a close company because we'd be too near our last one, and by the time we got to our regiment news might've traveled back already of two former Confederates and two Union traitors on the run. I was hoping the brigade would be safer, but Jesus, with Niall the way that he is... I just don't know."

Louis thinks about it, "If we just travel fast enough, we'd be able to get there in only a few days."

"Well that was my plan until you demanded we rested." Liam bites.

"I said travel fast, not walk right into our own graves." Louis bites back, his tone just as threatening. "We need to rest, especially after all that happened tonight. And every night after this, we'll need to rest. But if we can just travel enough in one day, we could be there in three or four days, no problem."

"Niall can't even walk."

"We'll take turns carrying him."

"Harry won't give him up."

"He will if he knew there was a plan in mind. You can't just lead people on a blind expedition and expect them to have great expectations of the outcome."

Liam nods in agreement. "I know. I shouldn't have gone silent like I did."

"I understand. You just killed someone for the first time."

Liam cringes, "Do you have to put it like that?"

"Sorry, but it's true, isn't it? After I landed my first shot, I couldn't sleep for a week. I felt awful. I thought I'd get my comeuppance immediately after, but it never came. Eventually, I realized it probably wouldn't, at least not now."

"Why'd you realize that?"

"Because..." Louis trails off, looking down at his lap. He drags his boot through the dirt, catching on the roots of the tree. "I guess I realized that it was me or them. If I didn't kill them, they'd kill me, and probably others that I care about. Like Niall. Like others in my company. Like my family. I couldn't bare the thought of losing people I love because I was too scared to pull the trigger."

He goes silent for a moment before shaking his head.

"It's not like I like killing or anything. I still see the faces of some of the people I've killed in my head when I'm trying to sleep, in my dreams... but I also know that this is a war. If I die, I'm just another casualty in the war. But that's not all I am to my family. I'm not just a name on a piece of paper, or a number in some history book written a hundred years from now. To them, I'm Louis Tomlinson. A son. A brother. A soldier. A fighter. If I make it out of this, I'll be able to add 'winner' to that list and damn, does that not have a ring to it?"

Louis lets his voice fade off, whispering to himself under his breath. Liam laughs silently, the first time a smile has cracked on his face in hours.