Ariadne: Almost an Alpha | ✓

Chapter 63 - If You'll Still Have Me

Chapter 63 - If You'll Still Have Me 

Mateus is silent when I finish my story, so I continue talking. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, Mateus, I really am. And I'm sorry I didn't trust you with everything. Honestly, yeah, I did plan on taking my secrets to my grave if need be. I didn't want something to happen to you or something to happen to me— and something would have happened— and then have you end up hurt."

He responds now, but unlike our fight in the office, his tone isn't angry. Instead, hurt lingers behind his every word. "But doing that never let me make decisions regarding my own life, Ariadne. Mates are supposed to be partners, to work as a pair; one isn't supposed to dictate everything. You didn't have any faith in me. If you had told me everything, I would have known I needed to be on guard all the time— I can defend myself— and I could have helped you, could have gotten the council to see your side of the story. You didn't even give me the opportunity."

I lean forward in my seat, as if getting closer to him would make him understand more.

"I'm sorry. I can see that now. You're strong, dedicated, and loyal, and things would have gone a lot better if I had trusted you from the start. But even though on the outside I tried to be strong and fearless —and I had succeeded in turning myself into someone like that for the most part— anything related to my past or to Caine just made me feel like that scared little girl again, one that was too afraid to fight back. And I know that in every possible outcome for this whole debacle, that little girl would have lied her ass off to you every single time."

I can tell my words hurt him even more, but he needed to hear them. He's quiet now as he mulls over the information, and I let the stillness in the air sit for a bit before I speak again. If I don't say it now, I know I never will. I may have fucked up this whole mate situation beyond repair, but I can at least try to make things right, starting with the fact that I practically spit in Mateus's face when he told me he loved me.

"I promise I won't lie to you ever again, that I'll stand by you and support you and your choices like you've stood by me and supported me time and time again." I pause to take in a breath, trying to calm my nerves. "I'm being 100% honest when I say I trust you with my life, Mateus. I love you, and I want to be with you if you'll still have me."

His eyes widen, and for the first time in our history, Mateus Jackson doesn't know what to do.

Hoping that's a good sign, I get up and cross the distance between us.

He looks up at me as I lean down slowly, giving him time to pull away. His face is warm, and the new stubble on his jaw scrapes gently against my fingers where I reach out and touch him. Finally, I press my lips to his softly.

Now that I've admitted to myself what he means to me, the mate pull feels stronger, and sparks skyrocket through my body even with that small kiss.

When I pull away, he grabs my wrist lightly, bringing me back down. He kisses me tenderly, slowly, and my hands slide into his hair to hold his head with the tips of my fingers. Pleasant tingles travel all the way down my spine, and I can feel that, without him needing to say it, he still loves me.

I hurt him, lied to him, and denied him, and somehow, he still loves me.

Salty tears escape from my eyes and slowly descend my cheeks. He catches them, wiping them away gently with his fingers. "You just described your entire horrific history to me without a single tear, yet now?" He looks up at me confused.

"I'm sorry," I say, looking at the ceiling, willing the tears to stop. "I'm just... I'm so sorry... for hurting you, for everything."

He stands up to hug me, encompassing me in a warm bubble of him: his scent, his touch, his everything. "Stop apologizing. I understand now. It's okay."