castle runaway. ˡᵉᵉ ᵈᵒⁿᵍʰʸᵘᶜᵏ

TWELVE

Monique's POV

After washing up, Rosella let me change into a simple aqua colored dress. She tied my hair into a wavy ponytail and powdered my face. "Y-You don't have any schedules today, princess." Rosella stumbled on her words.

"Glad to hear that," I mumbled and looked out of the balcony. "If I could only commit suicide." Rosella whimpered at my remark. "Princess.." I sighed. "I mean, my life doesn't mean to anyone anymore. I'm just here, existing."

I walked towards the balcony and sat on a chair. Staring at the view, I felt calm but I feel so dark and twisted inside of me. I expected Jisung or Mark to come up from the balcony but Jisung was under custody and also being punished, finding out he also helped me and Mark.

He didn't deserve it. Not at all.

My body moved against my will and I raised my leg over the railing. "Princess, no!" Rosella pulled me back to the chair and I snapped out of my suicidal trance. "You just said earlier that you don't want to die here!"

"Oh, uh, sorry." Rosella sat on the other chair and sighed. "Princess, I know it's very hard for you right now, but I've heard your endless dreams of being free, of being what you really want to be, of seeing the world out there, of travelling and exploring and of meeting someone that deserves you and your love."

I stared at the floor. "Those are dead dreams now, Rosella. By the time I really get out of here, I'm going to kill myself." I glanced at her and smiled sadly. Her question froze me to my place.

"Does Mark want that?" I raised a brow. "Does he want you to be free for like one minute and you kill yourself then he's wondering why you can see each other." She said and chuckled a bit. When she saw that I wasn't laughing along, she cleared her throat and stopped.

"But really, does he want you to kill yourself?" I looked back at my feet and slowly shook my head. "No.."

"He loved you, didn't he? He wanted you to be happy, and I'm sure he still does. I know deep inside the darkness of your depression and your suicidal thoughts, you still want to see how big the world is and see how you would come so far," She held my hand and caressed it.

"Do it not only for him but for the old you. The real you. The you who you wanted to be." She added and stood up to leave.

"Ro," I called out to her. I turned my head behind and she was waiting for me to say something, a brow raised. I let out a small smile. "Thank you." She smiled back and mouthed a 'you're welcome' before leaving my bed room.

It's on me now. I plan everything on my own.

I stood up and walked towards my book shelf. I studied every single one of them and took one book from the shelf. "You better help me with something." I mumbled and I opened almost all of the books in just today.

As I read and read escape plans from different heroes, princesses, princes and villains, a plan slowly formed inside my head and my hope was now of a small jar.

This time, I won't give up. This time, I would give my all.

•••

For days, I kept myself locked up in my room reading books. I was not supposed to go out of my room so I asked Rosella to let me borrow some books in the library (about escaping and whatsoever).

Though a part of me has hope, another part of me just wants to die right there or right after I'd escape, but flashes of the sword stabbing through Mark keeps on flashing in my mind when I try to think deadly.

My face was poker for the days that has passed and I didn't smile after the one I gave Rosella (she deserve my smile for giving me such motivation). I was always in the same routine everyday. Get up, shower, dress up, eat, read, eat again, read again, eat once again, read, shower, read and sleep.

On those nights, I've had nightmares after nightmares and it was haunting me. I can't sleep properly sometimes and I feel like my eye bags got even worse. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and if I can't sleep, I will light up a candle and read which will lead me back to sleep.

Oftentimes, my dreams are plans that were too good to be true. The plan would seem right at first but then there would be a part where it won't really possibly happen.

The King and Queen doesn't visit me and I was fine with that. I also noticed guards on opposite sides of my bed room door, guarding and keeping watch. I was also kind of thankful for this locking up in my room because I get to think, read and do things my way in my small world.

My breakfast, lunch and dinner are always delivered through Luciana or some other guard knights when she has other errands to do.

My mind was still hazy from the past events and from my worst experience in the dungeon. It's sometimes blank and when it is, I would have thoughts of many dumb ways to die.

The view in my balcony keeps me calm but yes, not for long. Reading escaping books wasn't still enough and I read even more and more. There was still no plan forming inside my head.. not even a possible Plan B so I can make a Plan A.

Nothing.

"Princess, aren't you tired of reading? You haven't came up with a plan yet." Rosella asked worriedly asked while combing my hair. "Maybe I am not in the mood of doing anything right now. Probably lack of sleep."

"Are you sure? I have a book entitled 'How To Sleep Well'. Maybe it can help you sleep comfortably and you can possibly dream your plan or your mind can work properly to think of a plan."

"Yes, can I borrow it? I am in the mood to sleep." I replied and I suddenly yawned. "Of course, princess. Let me just finish this," She tightened the braid on my hair.

"There. Princess, I know you can make up a plan. It wouldn't be today, but you will, sooner or later. Don't give up on your dreams even though it seems dead." I turned to her.

"You're wrong," I smirked. "Those dreams are not dead anymore."

•••