Abused!Depressed!Kyle x Cartman • Kenny x Stan • Craig x Tweek
**TRIGGER WARNING: CURSING AND EXPLICIT CONTENT**
Kyle came out as gay during the eighth grade. Since his coming out, he has fallen in love and entered a serious relationship with Samuel...
"There are parts of me; that have been lost at sea; I feel like I'm sinking; into eternity."
~Kyle's POV~
Wednesday (Week 5)
Clyde went home a little while after we had sex yesterday. He noticed the cuts on my arms and tried talking to me about it, but I didn't really say much about it. What can I really say about them anyway? I did it purely out of sadness. Now I know how Butters feels.
I decided to take the bus today. I know everyone's going to be there, but I'm just going to ignore them and wear my earbuds.
With a long sigh, I made my way to the bus stop. My clothing of choice for today was a pair of black skinny jeans, the Marilyn Manson t-shirt, my black jacket, black beanie, and black shoes. I looked more like a goth kid than anything.
As expected, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman were standing by the bus stop. They were talking to each other and laughing, and I was just here with an expressionless look on my face. When I came closer, they all stopped talking and looked at me. They didn't say hi or anything. They just stood there and looked at me with blank faces.
I stood around five feet away from them so they wouldn't try to talk to me. Their eyes seemed to be burned onto the sight of me because I felt restless just standing here. Beyond my headphones, I could hear them talking. They're probably talking shit about me. Saying how fucked up it was of me to "lie" about Sam. I'm just glad that there are a few people out there who believe me.
When the bus came, I was the last one to get on. I let everyone else get on first so I can figure out my new seating arrangement. The three of them sat near each other in the front of the bus. When I saw Butters and Clyde toward the back, I went back there to sit with them. Butters had his earbuds on too, probably listening to the same music genre as me. Clyde, on the other hand, didn't have earbuds on. He just sat in his seat alone with his football wrapped in his arms. I took a seat next to Butters.
"Hey, Kyle." Butters said when he noticed me sit next to him. Everyone, including the bus driver, turned around to look at me. Butters and I noticed this and just shrugged them off. "How are you doing?"
"Meh, how about you?" I said back.
"Meh." He answered.
For the whole bus ride, Stan and Cartman would occasionally look back at me and exchange words to each other. Cartman even chuckled a few times while looking at me, making me put my hood up over my head.
I kept my hood on for the entire ride. I even kept it on when I walked into the school. People were looking at me again, which made me feel even more alone. I don't think dressing like this should have to separate me from everyone else, but as it turns out, it does.
"You seriously lied about Sam?" A girl shouted at me, making everyone stop what they were doing and stare me down. I looked at her as her face grew angrier. The urge to cry started coming around again. My eyes welled up with thick tears as I looked around the hallway. "You ruined the reputation of the football captain!" A guy yelled.
Out of nowhere, everyone started ripping pages from their notebook, crumpling them up into balls, and throwing them at me. Instead of overreacting and running away like a pussy, I just sighed and continued walking away.
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"Yeah, go away and cut yourself, emo fag!" The same guy yelled as I walked further down the hallway. The other kids then laughed at me as I separated myself from them. I smiled a little bit. Good idea, dude.
Instead of going to class, I went into the bathroom and hid away in a stall. No one else was in here. In my front pocket was one of those razors I cut myself with in the bathroom at home. Despite how thin it was, it did some pretty sick damage.
My right arm wasn't as cut up as the left arm was, so I decided to let my right arm fall victim to my destructive habit.
*Cut*
The first cut I made wrapped around my forearm like an armband tattoo. I felt the dopamine rush through my body (you know, the happy hormone) as I looked at it bleed out. "Fuck yeah." I mumbled.
*Cut*
The second cut was even deeper, making more blood spew out. It started dripping down my arm. At this rate, the whole stall will look like a crime scene.
*Cut*
I made the third cut wrap around my right wrist. I didn't cut into the vein or anything, but a lot of blood was still seeping through.
Once I decided three cuts was enough, I exited the stall and walked over to the sink to wash my arm. I took a handful of soap and mixed it in with the still-bleeding cuts I had. The blood started foaming up as I vigorously scrubbed the cuts with soap and water.
While I was still cleaning off the cuts, someone came into the bathroom. I flinched at the sudden entry of whoever came in. Instead of figuring out who came in, I continued washing my arm as fast as I could so I could leave. The person who came in stopped dead in his tracks and stared me down.
I yelped as the water started irritating the deep cut I made. The person walked closer to me and looked over my shoulder into the sink, watching as the bloody water and soap mix went down the drain. "What. The. Fuck!?" He yelled in my ear. I jumped and landed a few inches away from him. Before I had the chance to see who it was, I pulled my sleeve down and left the bathroom without even drying my arm.
After picking up my backpack, I ran straight to the door. "Wait! Don't leave, Jew!" He yelled. I didn't listen to him. Instead, I opened the door and ran straight to trigonometry.
"Cause I've got to find my light again; my heart is beating fast; when will this ever end?; can I find my way back home again?; this road I travel on; it never seems to end."
