Whatever Happens |Kyman • Stenny • Creek|

Chapter 43: Suicide Duo

"My head is haunting me and my heart feels like a ghost; I need to feel something, 'cause I'm still so far from home; Cross your heart and hope to die; Promise me you'll never leave my side."

~Kyle's POV~

Before the bus left South Park yesterday, it stopped at another station. I was surprised to see that Butters also got on the bus. He looked like he had been crying as he made his way to the back of the bus to claim a seat. When he noticed me on the bus too, he was shocked. It turned into a whole conversation afterward. He ran away from home too because his parents grounded him once again for coming home with food stains on his clothes. I guess some of the food Sam dumped on me found its way to Butters' clothes.

It's now the next day. Butters and I were hanging out in the room I had reserved in case I had to work late nights at the community center during the summer. Sometimes I'd have to help them clean and get everything ready for the following day. My parents were fine with it since the place is heavily supervised. They all know that I was staying here for a bit and agreed to not tell my parents. I had to lie and tell them my parents already know.

"So what do you want to do today Kyle?" Butters wondered, looking pretty sad still. I shrugged while sitting in my desk chair. Butters was sitting on the bed. "I don't know. Just feel like today's the day I should just...end it all."

Butters looked up at me and gave me an even sadder look. "End it all? What do you mean?" He wondered. He was sitting at the edge of the bed now looking at me. I could see him through the reflection of my mirror I had on my desk.

I sighed and turned around to face him. "I think you know what I mean, dude." I said quietly.

"But Kyle...you have so much to live for."

I couldn't help but laugh at that statement. "No I don't Butters."

Butters stood up in front of me and started scratching his left wrist. The cuts were probably getting itchy again. "Look Kyle. I'm in almost the same boat as you. I lost all my friends and turned...emo I guess you can call it, but I'm still here. I'm still trying to fight."

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "Then why are you here with me?" I questioned. Butters looked dumbfounded by the question. He probably doesn't even know why he's here either.

"Well...I heard Stan, Cartman, and Kenny talk about you dumping your school stuff into your garbage outside. I figured you were using your backpack to pack your clothes and stuff. And I knew you had a summer job here in Denver so...I figured I'd pack some stuff and run to a bus stop and take a bus to Denver to see if you were here. At least so you wouldn't be here alone." He explained. I looked up at him and smiled. It still never crossed my mind why we always treated him like shit. He really turned out to be a good friend.

"Well, thank you Butters. You're a real friend." I said softly. Butters giggled and looked down at the floor. "Well, you're welcome Kyle." He said back.

"But, if you're really sure you want to end everything, I want to do it too. I don't want to be in a world where no one else understands me." He finished. I looked up at him with my sad eyes again. "Butters, no..." I started.

"Kyle, there's nothing for me here. If I go back home, my parents are going to fuck me up and get even more strict with my grounding. It'll get to the point where I can't even leave the house. Not even to go to school."

I couldn't even believe that Butters was talking about this. I don't want him to kill himself just because I wanted to. People in our hometown actually need him and want him around. Everyone hates me, including my friends. My boyfriend fucking hates me, the school hates me, I even hate me. What good is living when everyone treats you like you're dead?

"Butters, please don't do this with me. I don't want to be the reason you're dead." I pleaded.

"You're not the reason. Chances are I'm going to end up doing it one day anyway. Why not now?"

"But why would you-"

"We've been over this already. I've been planning my suicide for after high school graduation. My parents had told me once that they're not going to be able to afford to send me off to college. I would just be some freeloader living at home for the rest of my life."

"They have financial programs, though. Pell grants, student loans."

"I don't qualify for enough money to even take one class at a community college. I checked a few weeks ago because I wanted to plan ahead and apply to colleges and major in Performing Arts, but based on my information, the household income is "too much" for me to qualify for anything over a thousand dollars for each semester. That's not even enough for tuition and, well, everything else I'd need."

"Then why not find a job? You can work here with me as a student assistant or something." I offered. "This place pays pretty good. Around fifteen dollars an hour since we'd have to travel."

"I'm not sure if it'd even be enough Kyle. All together, I'd need to have an out-of-pocket amount of fifteen-hundred just for one semester, and as I've heard, this would only be a summer job."

"Well after high school we'd be able to work here full time. Assuming you even get the job here, you'd be able to move in here with me rent-free and attend a community college here in Denver. This place offers programs that help college students go to school. Maybe you can look into it. Shit, I'll even pick up some fliers or something and give them to you. I'd rather go through that kind of trouble than go to your funeral and wonder what went wrong."

Butters was quiet after I finished. It seems that I have covered up all of the loopholes of his plan. He gave me a slow nod and smiled. "Well, that sounds good. I do have one question though." He finally said.

"What is it?"

"I don't have to be Jewish to work here, right?"

I shook my head. "Not unless you want a higher position. Like if you want to be an instructor or something. I don't think you even have to be Jewish then. You just have to know everything about the Jewish faith. That would be enough for them as long as you keep your oppositions and opinions to yourself, if any." I explained.

We were both quiet for a little bit. Butters seemed to have developed second thoughts about even planning a suicide. I guess for a bit there, we just lost hope. I know things will get better though. If I can't have all of my friends back all because some piece of shit lied to everyone about abusing me, at least I have Butters and Clyde. They're the only ones besides my family that know the truth. If everyone else, especially fucking Cartman, is that gullible, so be it. I don't think I'll even need them.

"So you can drag me through hell; If it meant I could hold your hand; I will follow you 'cause I'm under your spell; And you can throw me to the flames; I will follow you, I will follow you."

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