Whatever Happens |Kyman • Stenny • Creek|

Chapter 44: Yes.

"When the dreamer dies; so dies the dream; turn me inside out; soak me in bleach."

~Kyle's POV~

School had to have been over by now in South Park. I watched as the minutes rolled by on the digital clock on my nightstand. I was here alone at the moment because Butters felt like going for a walk around town. He wanted to explore and see where the closest mall was. I guess he wants to buy more stuff at Spencer's.

Since I was cramped up in this room by myself, it gave me a lot of time to overthink everything. I felt so tempted to reach out to someone in South Park. And I mean anyone. I was even tempted to reach out to Sam.

Just for the hell of it, I grabbed my phone from my desk and dialed Sam's number. There's nothing more he can do to me now since I'm completely numb. Nothing can hurt me now.

"Hey, Kyle." Sam randomly said on the phone. He didn't say anything else, so I started talking.

"Hey, babe. How are you doing-?" I wondered, being interrupted by Sam's following statement.

"Your friends are worried about you."

I couldn't help but laugh at that ridiculous thing. My laugh sounded like it belonged to a crazy person because I've never heard it sound like that. I think I'm losing my mind.

"Don't you remember, Sam? I don't have any friends." I reminded him. He exhaled painfully, which kind of made me question it.

Sam and I were pretty quiet for a while. The phone was pressed fully against my ear in an attempt to hear his breathing. I've never had a moment's peace when communicating with Sam. He would always be screaming at me about something, and there was sure as hell a lot for him to yell at me about. But he's just quiet now.

"I don't think they would've beaten the shit out of me if they didn't care about you, Kyle." Sam suddenly said. I frowned when he said that. "...Who beat you up, babe?"

"Stop calling me babe, Kyle. We're not together anymore."

I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that. When the relationship first started, everything was great. He wasn't abusive toward me or anything. He was perfect. I don't know what happened, but we started fighting a lot to a point where he started making the fights physical and emotional. I should be happy that he's ending it because then I won't have to get hurt anymore, but now I have literally no one else. Well, I have Butters and Clyde I guess. But they're probably just with me out of pity.

"I have to go." I told Sam. Before he could answer, I hung up the phone and started feeling tense. I looked around the room for something sharp. In an attempt to rid our bad cutting habit, Butters threw away the razors. There were some sharp things here, but not enough to cut my arteries open.

I dug around in the drawers of my desk. I have to have something sharp here. Anything.

Once I came across a spare razor I'd use to shave my beard and mustache, I went to the bathroom and turned the faucet of the bathtub on. The drain was covered so the water wouldn't escape.

As the tub was filling up, I kept asking myself if this was even a good idea. I was always taught that suicide was a cowardly way to solve problems, but what else can I do about life right now? None of my friends believe me about Sam, I can't tell my family because they'll just flip out and react in a way that'll either not change anything or worsen the situation, and the entire town is convinced that I'm the bad guy. Getting a bus ticket to come here was hard enough with everyone giving me mean looks and calling me a liar and an abuser.

If I'm going to end everything, I want it to happen in a place where no one will find me. I doubt my ex-friends have any intention in finding me, so that part's out of the way.

I turned the faucet off and let the water drain in the bathtub. Killing myself in a bathtub was not my way of going out. I think the sight of too much blood would kill me before the cuts themselves do.

The razor I was going to use is now in my coat pocket. Since there's that chance I won't be back here, I left the key to the room under the mat outside for Butters along with a note.

Key's under the mat, Butters.

No one ever comes down this way to my room, so I wasn't worried about someone else breaking in here. Hell, what would I care anyway? I'll be dead.

Overland Park was about twenty minutes away from here. If I had walked like I intended to do, it would've taken closer to two hours to get here. I took a cab to the pond so I could make it here long before Butters even came back and saw the note.

It was hard to believe that my life led me up to this moment. Looking at my reflection in the calm pond made me question if this was even worth it. I could spend the remainder of high school as an emo outcast with only a few friends. I didn't need to be this person who needed an entire group to get by because once high school ends, so do most of your friendships. Just ask anyone in college. They'll tell you.

On the other hand, I don't think I can spend another two years dealing with bullies. I don't really remember ever being chronically bullied the way I am right now. Changing my wardrobe only drew more attention to me when my intention was to blend in with my shadow.

No one else was here at the pond with me. If I was going to do this, I had to do it now. I had to slit my wrists and let my body sink lower into the pond.

I sat on the rocks by the pond and rolled up my sleeves. The blistering cold started hitting my bare skin with no sign of mercy. I didn't care though. I used the freezing cold air as a numbing agent for the deep cuts I was about to make down my forearms. The bathtub would've been a little better since the water would've been hotter, but I didn't want to burden anyone with having to clean the mess up and dragging my dead corpse out for all of those little kids to see.

The first cut down my right forearm was spewing so much blood I thought I was going to faint. My head started becoming lighter. "Mmm...yes." I mumbled.

Before making the second cut, I decided to give my mom a call. Just so I could say goodbye.

I was barely able to dial her number, but I did it and waited for her to answer.

"Kyle bubby! Where are you!?" Mom screamed once she answered. I maintained my composure and said what I had to say.

"Mom, I love you." I started.

"I-I love you too. Where are you!? I'm coming to get you sweetheart!"

"I can't go back mom. No one wants me there."

"We want you here! Your father, Ike, me! Your friends!"

I chuckled. "I don't have any friends."

"Of course you do! Tell me where you are so we can get-"

"I can't mom. This is goodbye. I love you guys so much...and I'm sorry."

"W-W-What!?"

Before she could fight me on this, I ended the call and made the second cut.

Blood was escaping through both slits on my arms. I stood up from the rocks and slowly walked into the cold water. The temperature didn't bother me much since I couldn't feel anything right now. I let my body float around in the pond as my eyes met the sky. My arms and legs were evenly spread out as if I was an angel about to fly. This feeling was even better than being high.

Minutes later, my vision started blurring. My pupils dilated from the brightness of the sun directly over me. Everything started getting brighter like a light at the end of a cave.

Following the brightness, my vision darkened into the deepest shade of black.

"I'm buried alive; life buries me; cover my body; soak me in bleach; on and on and on...; soak me in bleach."

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Hey sorry guys for the small gap in between updates. Been feeling kind of sad about personal stuff but I'm all better now! Hope you enjoyed :)