Emotionally Compromised (#1) (Available On Amazon) [Preview]

Chapter 11 - Walls & Vulnerability

ALEX TURNER

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Being in public with Jeremy is too much for me right now. I want to go back to the privacy of his apartment, where we can be infatuated with one another without the world’s judgment. No one cares but you Agent Turner.

I begin to tap my foot nervously as I stand in front of Jeremy’s building waiting for a cab. I have so much I need to do but I want so badly to waste more time with him. As if he could sense I was thinking about him, he suddenly tugs at my arms folded close to my chest, grasping me at my elbow, and pulls me towards him. Thinking it is just a gesture to get my attention I look up at him, but then realize he is pulling me so our bodies are now molded against one another. Even this slight contact makes my face heat. What are you 12 years old now with a school girl crush? You’re embarrassing yourself. Ugh, I sigh.

                He wraps his arms around my waist, and comfortably places his intertwined fingers at the small of my back. He is so comfortable with me.  It’s pleasing, yet –baffling. Can we be this close so quick?

                I look up into those iceberg eyes of his and am greeted with the most heartwarming grin. The sight of it feels like a precious gift, and I decide to shake my head dumbfounded with this beautiful man. Why me? Why now? Why…everything?

                I still keep my arms against my chest as he pulls me even closer to him and chuckles, “What’s going on in that brilliant mind of yours Alex?”

                I roll my eyes at his kindness and pout as we make eye contact. I would give anything to tell him the truth:  that I want to stay here with him, and lounge in his bed wearing his clothes, letting his eyes and hands rake over my body appreciatively all day…but I can’t. I have to make this right if I want us to be normal. Do you really think you have a chance at normal Agent Turner?

                My subconscious is being such a bitch today. I scoff at her in hopes she will just go back under her logical rock and only reappear when summoned, the batty old thing! Always ruining my fun!

                “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Jeremy asks again.

                Oh right, he asked me a question, “Um, nothing is wrong. I just…I just…have a lot on my plate right now that I have to take care of as soon as possible.”

                His smile disappears at my words and my throat goes dry.

                “Is this because of me?” and his eyes droop into what I could only assume people describe as ‘puppy dog eyes’ and it makes me melt but his fear is evidently real behind those steely depths .

                I suddenly realize I am exhausted with lying to him, and evading the truth. So I try to be as honest as possible, and for some reason decide to release the tension from my shoulders. The tension lingers in my muscles fighting its cautious release and I realize I would normally never do this for anyone. I have to admit I am naturally a selfish person, and that is why I am who I am today, but I just can’t be like that with him. What are you afraid of Agent Turner? The truth to that is daunting, and I swallow not ready to face it yet. I feel my face heat again.

                I reach up and cup Jeremy’s chiseled jaw and manage a weak smile for him, “It is not just you. My test is on Tuesday, and I am going to have to have a big meeting tomorrow with my bosses and I am worried about it. I am worried about all of it actually…a lot,” I huff.