Their Days of Nights

38 : Bench

Benjamin

I close the laptop and place it in my bag. I zip it close and swing to my back. I grab my iPod from the desk, step away from the chair, and check the time on my watch. It's six-thirty a.m. I leave the room and punch my way out of the office.

The elevator doors open, and I notice Nick walking in this direction as well. I go in and press the hold button.

He nods at me as he steps inside. "You finally found a use for those fists?"

I intentionally don't answer him as I continue untangling my earphones.

My teammates heard me once, and they never bothered to ask again. I said I wasn't in a fight, and it's just a clumsy thing I did.

"Sorry, I was just trying to..." Nick says. "Anyway, why'd you turn down the spot in the team?"

"It's not my thing," I reply.

"Why not? You're good. We'll have better chances with you on the court."

I don't respond.

"Well, if you change your mi—"

"I'm not going to change my mind."

"Okay, then."

I plug the earphones in, put them in my ears, and turn on the music.

We reach the ground floor lobby, and Nick goes away to wherever he goes after work.

I step outside, turn left, and start my walk.

The sidewalks are starting to look busy with people making their way to and from the buildings around here. The eastern sky is lit up to the brightest. Overhead, it's cloudless and blue.

The stock exchange is three blocks away from Tower One. It's next to a park area, where Kim and I agreed to meet at seven this Friday morning.

I didn't plan last Saturday. I didn't even know we're going to the same wedding. It's one of those things that happen when you let it happen. I had many chances before, so I told myself, I'm not letting this one go. Not anymore.

It didn't surprise me when she returned the favor, but I was still caught off guard. Our kisses got deeper one after the other. It felt better than I imagined, even with the pain in my jaw courtesy of her brother.

I've never felt as awake and alive as I was at that time. I've never wanted anything as much as I wanted her that evening. Half the time, I was wishing I could get used to it, but also that I won't...because I like that feeling...of longing for something more; of wanting something more; of looking forward to something more.

I let go and left her room, though a part of me wished that I stayed, at least for a little longer. But there's also this fear that if I start, I won't be able to stop. Of course, there's the very fact that she can't, so I couldn't go that far.

It wasn't the right time for that yet, either way.

My dad woke me up Sunday morning at around six-fifteen. He just got off the phone with my mom. He told me about my younger sister. So, we left Lake City.

He went straight to the hospital, and I drove the car back home. Then I helped with whatever errands they needed. I went back and forth to the hospital, the house, and everywhere else.

But my first thought of every minute was always Kim; how it felt to be that close to her and wanting to see her again.

I finally caught up with sleep in the last two days, so I texted her last night before I went to work. And now I know exactly what to say. The very thing I regretted not doing so years ago.