Chapter Twelve

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Content warning: This chapter tackles Nathan struggles with mental illness. I haven't gone into detail as I suffer with mental illness myself and don't feel qualified/ comfortable talking about it much. I've done my best to accurately represent what Nathan has in the Life is Strange games and have primarily used information from this link:
http://www.google.com/amp/s/aminoapps.com/c/life-is-strange/amp/blog/nathans-mental-illness/X0Wm_1P2HguY7kNg4qe1Rvgb8roob6eb2W
(You will have to copy and paste it into the search bar)

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"How much further now?" I complained as we walked up the hill to the light house.
"We've been walking for like five minutes," Nathan sniggered, a few steps ahead of me. Not my fault I had the physical fitness of a slug.
I continued to grumble as we continued our trek. Nathan grabbed my hand. "Come on, fat ass!" he said, dragging me up with him. His hand was cold and soft. I knew it wasn't a romantic gesture, he was just impatient with how slow I was, but my heart skipped a beat nonetheless. Finally we reached the lighthouse, a white beacon peacefully looming over Arcadia Bay.
Nathan released my hand and sat on the lone bench near the lighthouse, putting the bag containing our paupers picnic beside him on the ground. I joined him, sipping my slushie and taking in the view. Arcadia Bay twinkled below us, it's tiny lights illuminating the coastline. It was beautiful.

I took a moment just to take it in, then looked to Nathan.
"It's pretty here. I can see why you wanted to come."
"I used to come here with my dad. Before. When I was little."
I'd never heard Nathan bring his father up like this before. All I knew was that he practically owned Arcadia Bay; they might even rename it after him eventually.
"Do you miss it?" I asked.
"Do I miss him? Fuck no. Do I miss when I was younger...? Things sure were easier then. Simpler. I wasn't as fucked up as I am now. Didn't have to waste my time paying bank to therapists who don't give a shit about me."
"There's no shame in speaking to therapists. You're lucky you can afford them, in a way. You should take pride in the fact that you're taking steps to get better." I replied earnestly.
"Lucky? I'm anything but fucking lucky. Yeah I've got cash, but I've got a broken fucking mind because of it. My dads an asshole and no one in this shit pot town treats me like a human being." He looked up at the sky, taking a deep breath. "It feels like..." his voice cracked a little, it sounded as if he might start crying. "It feels like I'm just drifting away from everything, you know? I can't tell what's real and what's not anymore. I know I'm a asshole too. But I don't want to be like my dad. I don't...."
My heart genuinely ached for Nathan. I guess it was easy for most people to miss all the shit he had to deal with. I remembered our first encounter, when he shoved past me in the corridor. If I had never spoken to him again, I would have assumed he was a rich, Vortex Club dickhead. There was so much more to him though, and I was glad I had stayed around to see it. It was hard to hear, but I was glad Nathan was opening up to me; I wanted to be there for him, to be able to support him. I shuffled up closer to him and hugged him.
"I'm not going to act like I completely understand because I don't," I said. Nathan clung onto me tight and buried his head into my shoulder as he wept, shaking like crazy. He must have been bottling all this up for God knows how long. "But I'll do my best to be there for you and support you. I'll do everything I can to understand what you're going through, and we'll get through it together okay? I'll help you. You're not your dad Nathan, you're better than him. You can do so much good."
We sat there together, Nathan holding onto me tight as I did my best to comfort him. The stars shined above us, glimmers of hope in a dark abyss. After a few minutes I felt Nathan begin to calm down, his breathing becoming slower and more consistent and his shakiness beginning to lessen. Finally, he sat up and held his face in his hands, elbows propped up on his knees. I kept my arm around him as he continued not to look at me.
"Please don't tell anybody about this," he whispered, ashamed.
"Of course not. I'd never." My heart broke for him and a few seconds of silence passed, before I spotted something. "Look!" I said abruptly pointing to the sky. "A shooting star!" I yelped excitedly.
"Make a wish," Nathan said as he finally looked up at me with a morose, but genuine smile.
"I think you deserve this one," I said. "Go one, this wish is reserved for you."
It seems like something Nathan would have called me childish or poked fun at me for believing in on any other occasion, but on this night he closed his eyes and made a wish. I didn't know what it was, but I hoped on his behalf that it would come true.
I took my arm from around Nathan and hauled the grocery bag up between us.
"You should eat something now, it's self care." I said riffling through our haul and successfully retrieving a bag of candy. We shared them between us as we watched Arcadia Bay sleeping below.

"I know I can't tell you my wish," said Nathan, and I nodded knowingly as we both continued munching. "But if there was another star, what would you have wished for y/n?"
"A hamster." I replied without thinking.
"What?" Nathan sniggered, incredulously.
"A little hamster to have in my dorm room. A cute little friend, so I'd never be lonely."
"That is cute." said Nathan, grabbing more candy as he smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."
And so, once again, Nathan Prescott and I sat under the night sky talking and laughing for hours. We absolutely demolished the food, leaving nothing behind. I was having fun, but his breakdown did of course weigh on my mind. I hated that he had to feel this way, no one deserved that.

After about an hour and a half, almost all of Acadia Bay's lights had gone out, it's residents gone to sleep.
"It's cold." I said, absentmindedly. Nathan shuffled up close and put his arm around me, pulling me towards him for warmth. I smiled to myself.
"You coming to the next party then?" he asked as we huddled together.
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea after last time..." I murmured, still embarrassed.
"Come on, I'll keep an eye on you, I promise. And your friend Dana will be there." he insisted.
"I have nothing to wear anyway." I grumbled, looking for a reason not to go. Nathan reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of cash.
"Nathan, no, we've talked about this, I'm not accepting money off you."
He gave me a pleading look. "I want you to have it. Buy yourself an outfit for the party."
"No."
"Then let me take you out." I looked up at him in shock. "Just for an hour or something... I'll drive us to Portland, we can go to the mall. If I come with you to pick something, will you let me buy it for you?"
"Oh right," I said, contemplating his offer. "I'm not sure, Portland's pretty far away.... you really don't have to do that-"
"No, fuck it, I insist. I'm taking you next Saturday."
I looked up at him with a warm smile, blushing a little. "Okay, it's a date. Well, not like a DATE, date." I said suddenly frenzied. "You know what I mean."
"Relax y/l/n." he said chuckling at my awkwardness. "You know you're the only person at Blackwell who doesn't accept any cash off me. It's not like I'm not going to miss it you know."
"It just doesn't feel right. I don't hang out with you for your money."
Nathan held me a little tighter and I put my head on his shoulder. After a moment he spoke again.
"Come on, y/n. Let's drive back to Blackwell."

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