Will to Live

Black Mulberry

Adelaide gripped the edge of the bench she was sitting on, praying hard that he wouldn't choose her. Matilda sat forward, clearly ready for him to call her name. Katharin sat straight and tall, rigid in her nervousness. Everard locked eyes with Adelaide. In his eyes, she read all the longing in the world. He opened his mouth, not taking his eyes away from hers. With a sense of dread, Adelaide realized that it was her name that he was about to say. Her breath hitched and she cringed in anticipation.

"Katharin."

A thick stillness settled for a minute, then applause and cheers burst into the air. Katharin was pushed forward, her face stunned. Her face was white and her lips pinched together. She slowly mounted the stairs and reluctantly allowed Everard to take her hand and raised it, but her eyes were fastened to the floor. He bowed. She gave a small curtsy, still not looking up. A loud bang from the other side of the room made Adelaide jump. She looked over to see Matilda storming out of the room. The table she'd been sitting at was now upside down with men busy helping women up and clearing up the food. Ava stood and rushed after her and Herzog Brunheim busied himself apologizing for his daughter's actions.

A mixed sense of disappointment and relief flooded Adelaide. She rose and quickly stepped forward to congratulate Katharin. Katharin met her eyes with wide, water eyes.

"I didn't want it. I didn't want it!" she repeated. Her eyes began to roll back and she nearly fell. Adelaide stepped forward and caught her, fanning her with a handkerchief. Katharin struggled to stay upright. Everard looked worried.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of her. You stay here, alright?" Adelaide gently hooked her arm around Katharin's waist and draped Katharin's arm around her shoulders. She began to help Katharin out of the room and into the garden beyond.

"Let me help, Pfalzgrafin! Let me help!" the servants clamored with worried faces. Adelaide waved them aside and Katharin gave them a vague smile.

"I'm all right."

"She just needs some fresh air," Adelaide told the servants. They followed at a distance, still worried despite Katharin and Adelaide's assurances.

Adelaide helped Katharin to a bench and sat beside her. Katharin began to cry and buried her face in Adelaide's shoulder.

"I didn't want him to pick me. He wasn't supposed to pick me. It was supposed to be Matilda. He was supposed to choose Matilda!" she sobbed.

"Sh, sh, sh." Adelaide pushed damp hair back from Katharin's forehead and wrapped her arms around the girl. Katharin continued to cry. How long they sat there, Adelaide didn't know. Katharin had fallen asleep and Adelaide was nearly asleep herself. The music went on and on, but the sound of voices grew quieter and quieter as people began to go to bed. After a long while, Everard appeared at the edge of the bench. Adelaide jumped, but Katharain did not wake up.

"Is she alright?" Everard asked, worried lines creasing his forehead.

Adelaide nodded. "She was just shocked."

"She doesn't want me."

"Of course she does."

"No. She doesn't. Don't try to tell me otherwise. I could tell."

"Everard..."

"No." he sat down and buried his face in his hands. "What have I done? Have I ruined both our lives?"

"Everard, she does want you. She just doesn't know it yet. You have to show her."

"How? How do I show her? I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't want me."