Seeking Solace

Chapter 1

The most cursed and hated man known to other cultivators as the Yiling Patriarch, was currently sitting in the Demon Slaughtering cave hunched over as if the weight of the world was bearing down upon his shoulders.

Wei Wuxian exhaled a shaky breath sitting upon his stone bed covered with thin blankets. His face was buried in his hands as he cursed at himself not to cry. He did not have the right to feel sorry for himself, to feel such grief. He did not have the right to mourn someone who had never been his to mourn anyway. He could not undo the things that have already been done.

Shijie.

Fuck.

Fuck.

FUCK.

My fault...my fault.

My fault...

This is all my fault.

How did it turn out like this?

Why?

Why?!

Soon, Jiang Cheng and and the others would come, leading a siege upon his doorstep.

Ah...haha..

What a joke he had become he wasn't even sure who he was anymore he felt so lost and didn't know what to do..

Self-hatred, blame, and disgust churned in his gut. He loathed and found himself utterly despicable. So what if back then, because of giving his core away - that he turned to demonic cultivation? Sure, if he hadn't, he would not be here now.

He would be a dead rotting corpse left in Burial Mounds. Without his demonic cultivation, he would not have had the power to help Jiang Cheng or to help with the Sunshot Campaign. He would have been useless.

And yet... and yet.

This is what it has come to.

Everything was his fault in the end

Wei Wuxian, trapped in his inner musings and self blame, held himself together, nails digging bloody crescents into his own flesh as he sobbed on the floor of the cave, tears falling from his eyes as he rocked himself back and forth.

If not for him, Shijie would still be alive. Jin ZiXuan would still be alive and Jin Ling would not have been orphaned. Wen Ning and Wen Qing why was it that whenever he sought to help and protect others - it turned out like this?

Maybe, he should have never existed at all

Maybe the world would have been better off

Maybe. Maybe...he could end it all right now

Yes that would be best I'll just-

"Xian-gege?"

Wei Wuxian flinched back with a gasp and hurriedly wiped away his tears and clears his throat before placing a big smile upon his face.

"~Ahh, It's my little radish!~ Come, come~" Wei Wuxian calls the the small boy standing at the open mouth of the cave.

"Xian-gege was crying?" A-Yuan whispered coming up to grasp Wei Wuxian's black robe.

Wei Wuxian froze before laughing it off and tapping a finger on A-Yuan's nose. "No, A-Yuan's Xian-gege just had something in his eyes, that's all." He reassured gently once he had picked the boy up and cradled him in his arms.

Wei Wuxian nuzzled into A-Yuans neck, tickling the child. A-Yuan squealed and giggled but hugged his little arms around Wei Wuxian's neck. " My A-Yuan's such a good child." He kissed the boy on the forehead.