chapter eighty

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"are you excited to see colby?" julia's voice is weak and i can tell she is only trying to start conversation. as she digs her face into her salad, i can't ignore the shy look she shoots me. i hate seeing her upset like this, and i hate that she probably thinks she has to hide it from me. she's listened to me overthink my love with colby a million times, and i would never be less than all here for her in return.

"i'm so happy he's coming home. it's hard with him gone," i admit with a shrug, biting into my own salad now. she smiles at me and it seems genuine enough, but i still feel bad for her. she seems so sad now that jake is ignoring her, and i'm sure she regrets not telling him her true feelings. after a good night with him, i can only imagine how it felt for her to wake up and have things change so quickly. i would like to think it is no longer a possibility for me anymore, but colby did that the night we kissed for the first time and it really upset me.

"i bet. have you talked to him today?" she asks and i shake my head. i haven't heard a single word from colby, and it's almost noon. he would've gotten on his flight hours ago, but he never texted back or called me this morning. i shake the bad feeling in my gut before responding to julia.

"i'm sure he just rolled out of bed this morning and hasn't checked his phone," i shrug, remembering my text to him this morning. i'm not sure if i'm trying to convince myself instead of julia. what if he decided not to come home? what if he overslept? i still don't know what gate to pick him up at, and i don't want to risk being late so i should leave soon. julia and i ordered our salads to the house, rather than going out. she said that putting real clothes on seemed like an awful right now, so she stayed in jakes shirt and a pair of leggings. it's funny to see myself friends with a girl like her. wearing her boyfriends clothes and refusing to go out, she's the opposite of tara. come to think of it, i am also lounging around in my own boyfriends clothes. maybe this is why i enjoy julia's company so much. she was right, we are very alike in small ways.

"do you want me to go with you to the airport?" she asks and i shake my head. "you've been enough help today," i say kindly. i don't want her to think i'm taking advantage of her generosity this morning.

"are you okay?" i speak again once she leans her head down in her hands. she is leaning her weight on the table, and she looks like she's about to cry again.

"no..." she sighs. "i think i'm gonna go home," she shrugs and i nod. i figured she would've left earlier, but i didn't want her to think i was pushing her out. i just didn't expect her to stick around after crying over jake. i thought she'd want to be far away from him, disregarding everyone else. that's what i do when colby hurts me in some way, i distance myself.

"okay," i say quietly and watch as she gathers the rest of her salad in the to-go box it arrived in.

the drive to the airport is slow, and it feels like time is dragging on with no contact from colby. i want to consider that he's standing me up somehow, but that wouldn't make sense. colby can't exactly run from me at this point, and i am sure i'm just overthinking this. maybe he's just on his flight, and forgot to text me beforehand.

i gather my straying emotions and bottle them up as i park my car and get out. the air is cold on my legs, but i can't be bothered to regret wearing shorts. i'm preoccupied worrying about my blue-eyed boyfriend who may or may not be landing any second now.

i find my way to the familiar glass doors, and through the crowded airport. i find a chair near the baggage claim and decide to distract myself with my phone for now. this way when he finally calls me, i will be ready to answer.

@andromeda: talk to me

i scroll through the replies, and i am shocked by the abundance of them. i guess i didn't realize the spike in my follower count before now, and i'm shocked to see that people are responding so quickly to my tweet.

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