vexatious (infuriating sequel)

chapter ninety

i made the decision to go upstairs spontaneously. i just have to get this over with, i have to get through the conversation i know is coming soon. i can't draw this out and keep putting myself through this uncertain pain.

when i knocked on his door, i could practically hear him pacing in there. i almost turned away, thinking he wouldn't answer, until the door slowly creaked open and i saw his saddened face. his eyes are bloodshot, probably from the tears. he has no visible injuries, and i am thankful for that. even though i don't like how he attacked jake, i wouldn't want any more than the redness of his face.

"did you come to destroy my hope in life?" why is he like this?

"no, i just came to talk..." my voice is much more calm and collected than i expected it to be, and i watch as he opens his door further for me to come inside. i sit on his bed and i find myself taking up as little space as i possibly can. "what do you wanna talk about?" he asks, his voice sarcastic and full of spite. i want to slap him right now, but i just need to let this happen.

"you, what the hell did you just do?" i ask, and i watch as his face morphs into an emotion that i can't quite read. it's rare that he makes an expression i don't understand, but right now i can't tell if he is angry or remorseful. i can't tell if he's about to yell at me, or fall apart and cry.

"i gave jake what he deserved." his answer is way too simple, and i find the anger from before returning into my system. he has no right to hurt anyone, let alone jake—who was just trying to help me.

"you can't just do that!" i exclaim and a twisted smile covers his face. "oh, so you're telling me what to do now?" he mocks me and i want to spit in his face. he is being so cruel.

"why are you doing this?" i ask him, my voice steady and still calm. i don't know how i'm keeping my composure right now, but it goes to show that i am my own person. i refuse to be colbys bitch. i will not let him ruin me.

"because we don't work, andromeda. we try so hard but let's just face the facts. we don't work. we will never work, and that fucks me up," he explains, and his honesty catches me off guard. i take a deep breath before finding his eyes with my own. for once, i am not focused on how beautifully blue they are. instead, i can only notice the hatred that lies beneath his deceiving orbs of light. my heart shatters in this moment, but i won't let myself fall apart in front of him. he doesn't deserve to see me cry anymore, he has done plenty of that in our relationship. i won't let him know how vulnerable and broken i feel right now.

he's right, we don't work. we will never work, and i must be a fool for thinking we could after all this time. he is a child, someone who doesn't know how to handle having a woman in his life and i won't stand around and let him treat me like i am disposable.

"then why keep trying?" i ask, and i hate the words as they come out of my mouth. i hate the fact that i'm the one suggesting we just end this awful cycle. i hate that it's me saying we should leave each other, but he's so right. if he still won't swallow his pride right now, we won't ever work.

"that's what i'm saying! i don't know why i keep trying to be good for you. nothing is good enough for you," he shrugs nonchalantly and my heart trembles in my chest. if i didn't know any better, i'd think i was dying right now.

this isn't about him anymore, this is about me. if i want to grow in the ways i swore i would, i can't be with him anymore. i hate that it's true, but i just can't keep breathing in hellfire to be his girlfriend. i can't hold on to his promises, because he has shown me in too many ways that he can't be trusted. he looks and sounds way too cold right now. he almost seems like he doesn't give a shit about me or this breakup at all.