In the Absence of a Good Life

(25) Turning Leaves

The Screw Up (A.K.A - The Boy - Jimmy)

TWO DAYS TO GO

My phone rang, waking me up from the first peaceful slumber I'd had since before this whole shitty business started. I felt refreshed and happy for the first time in a long time. I could no longer see death's jaws opened in front of me, ready to swallow me whole.

I picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID. It was Gus. No one else tried to call me or text me anymore. No body loved me enough. I was beginning to become insane enough to consider downloading the ring tone that told me how popular I was if or when someone tried to get a hold of me. I guess I really was messed up.

I pressed the green button to receive the call. 'Hello Gus.' I said cheerfully.

'Ah, Jimmy, just the man I wanted to talk to!' He greeted me. I resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment about it being obvious who he wanted to talk to since he'd called MY mobile.

'Yeah, hi.' I said again.

'Yeah, about the matter of paying up, I'm assuming ya have the money?'

'Yeppers!' I exclaimed.

'Good lad. Now, back to the matter at hand, ya know where the 'Ryke's Square' is, in town?'

'Yeah, I know that place, with the chippy in the corner?'

'That's the one lad, that's the one. There's a little side street that comes off of it, by the chippy in fact. I want ya to meet me there at 11.00pm. Have the money ready.'

'Will do Gus. I'll see you there!' I then hung up the phone. I knew he didn't believe me at all when I said I had the money. He'd probably heard about the recent state I'd been in from The Phantom. Word spread quickly round these parts. All I could think was, 'well, he's in for a big surprise.'

I laughed to myself as I realised that Gus hadn't cottoned on that I would be paying him back with his own money. It was perfect! He'd never find out, and if he did, we'd already talked it over with Shelly. She'd claim that she'd found the money and assumed it was hers. She'd say that she'd gone out on a massive spending spree (which was so unlike her, but Gus hadn't been in her life very often, so how was he supposed to know this?) to a very expensive area of town.

Sure, it was unbelievable, but what other explanation would he come up with?

'Who was that?' Terrance asked as he woke up from his place on the floor. I had to admit, it was much more comfortable than sleeping on the sofa. We'd been too tired to sleep in our own beds as we'd been up all night, celebrating. Shelly had slept on the settee, while Terrance and I had slept with our duvets and pillows, on the floor.

'Gus.' I answered.

'What did he want?' It was Shelly's turn to wake up.

'Oh, he was just wondering where his missing £10,000 was.' I tried to say it seriously, but I couldn't stop a smile from spreading onto my face.

'You...!' Shelly pointed at me and started to laugh.

'What did he really want?' Terrance asked me seriously.

'He was organizing a place and time for us to meet. Hey!' I yelled at the end, I wanted to have their full attention. 'I've been thinking, and I've decided that I want to go alone to meet Gus. I won't go into a casino and blow the money all on double zero, Terrance, just before you butt in. You can trust me, I want to live as much as the next man. I just wanted to go alone. You're involved enough as it is, and I thank you for all of your help, but I have to do this alone. It's my problem. My ultimatum. I have to...'

'...do it alone. I know,' Terrance cut me off, 'I figured you'd want as much.'

'We'll be waiting here for you, when the time comes.' Shelly finished.

We shared a smile and a look of unspoken feelings. We embraced each other and began again to joke and laugh.

All through this, I couldn't help but think how luck I was. Sure, I had been about to die, I'd gone through hell and I'd dragged them with me. I wasn't lucky because I'd survive this. I was lucky because I had two great friends who'd stuck by my side. I'd nearly ruined Terrance's hopes and dreams, but he was still here, laughing and joking like nothing had happened. I'd insulted Shelly in the most harsh way possible, yet here she was, helping me out.

So, no, I wasn't lucky because I had a long life stretching out before me to enjoy. I was lucky because I had the two greatest friends I could ever have asked for.

Now that I had them, I didn't need anything else. I could live with being the scum of the underworld, something that life would wipe off of the bottom of its shoe. I could live with being a poor failure with no real mother or father to look up to. I could live with being pitied. I couldn't live without them.

I thought to myself as we joked and an epiphany struck me like lightening; I would've died happily knowing that they were by my side.

ONE DAY TO GO

I skipped school, my nerves were shot to pieces and I was getting restless. Terrance and Shelly stayed with me. I didn't know if it was out of kindness, or if they wanted to watch over me to make sure I didn't do anything 'stupid'.

Terrance guarded the biscuit tin at all times, so if I had wanted to take it, which I didn't, it would have been nigh impossible. He took it everywhere with him, even when he had to go to the 'little boy's room'. I thought that maybe he was taking his guarding role a bit too far.

The day passed uneventfully. We all sat round the sofa, occasionally playing video games or card games. They even helped me along with my gambling addiction by letting me play poker (of course, Terrance and Shelly only let us  bet match sticks, which took half of the fun out of it). It didn't quite come close to the real thing, though the gesture was appreciated.

15 HOURS TO GO

This was it. The day had finally arrived. All I had to do was wait until the clock showed 10:30pm. Half an hour would surely be enough to make my way to Ryke's Square and meet Gus. If everything went to plan, I'd arrive on time to hand Gus his own money, with him being none the wiser. It was brilliant! I could almost die of happiness. Now wouldn't that be ironic?

HALF AN HOUR TO GO

The moment was upon us. I stood by the front door saying my goodbyes to Terrance and Shelly. I held a brown paper bag with the money in it that I'd emptied out of the biscuit tin. I tucked it safely into my inside jacket pocket. I was determined to avoid it being stolen or wasted in a rash decision to gamble. I promised myself that I would never look at a casino again. Instead, I'd actually try to find help for my problem (I admit how problematic my habits were now), which was more than I'd ever done or tried to do before.

I would leave this flat as the old Jimmy, the one who'd made so many mistakes in his life. The one who'd nearly driven all of his friends away in self-denial and self-destruction.

I would return as a new Jimmy, the one who'd refuse to even think about gambling. The frugal one with no regrets or problems in his life.

I felt a sense of anticipation and nervousness overcome me. I couldn't believe that it was finally happening. I was finally going to get out of this mess and sort my life out. I would go back onto the straight and narrow, a road that I don't think I'd been on since I was an infant. So young that the concepts of right and wrong meant nothing to me. So infantile that I had had no cares in the world. I was finally going to experience a world without worries of death threats or cut-throat thugs that'd kill you as soon as they'd look at you.

I stepped out into the street and closed the door behind me. I took a deep breath of the nighttime air and began the journey, on foot, to Ryke's Square.