Black & Blue |C. Cullen|

TWENTY-ONE

I walked into the house behind Alice who carried my dress.

"Ooh, you got another tattoo, let me see!" Bella shot up from the couch and rushed over, taking my arm carefully in her hands to inspect the picture that the lines created. "What does it mean?" She asked.

"Well, it's everyone's birth month flower. A carnation for Derek, a daisy for Rosalie, lilies for Esme, a rose for Edward, delphiniums for Carlisle, gladiolus' for Alice, an aster for you, marigolds for Emmett and I, and then a chrysanthemum for Jasper," I pointed to each flower that was placed intricately on my left arm.

"It's so elegant," Bella marvelled at it.

"Thank you," I smiled, by the time I was finished explaining, everyone had come down into the living room.

Carlisle walked closer to me and wrapped me in a hug, minding my arm, "I love it," he whispered to me and kissed my forehead.

"I love you," I smiled and kissed him back. "I'm sorry about my impulsivity," I frowned.

"Don't worry about it, love. Life is too short to not have impromptu adventures," he smiled.

I kissed his cheek and turned around to the rest of the family to observe what they were up to. Jasper and Emmett sat on the floor in front of the television as they played a game on Emmett's Xbox and Bella and Edward were sitting together on the couch observing them.

Rosalie and Christian were out on a vacation together somewhere in the Middle East, which was comical to me considering the sun seemed to shine the most there. And then Esme and Derek were off somewhere else in the house engaging in other types of activities.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Carlisle whispered against my ear, the intimacy sent shivers down my spine.

"Yeah, definitely," I answered and allowed him to take my hands and lightly pull me with him.

Once we entered his bedroom, he shut the door behind us and let go of my hands. I crawled up on to his bed and curled up on my side as I was extremely tired.

"Carlisle?" I called.

"Yes?" He was by my side in a fraction of a second.

"I know I come across as not such a physically intimate person, and I'm sorry for that. I've really been trying to work on it, I just get scared when people get close and I know it's in my head but I really can't make it stop," I explained and sat up.

"Jessamine, you don't have to apologise for something like that. It takes a lot of time for abuse victims to reach a certain level of comfort," he explained.

"That's just it. I don't want to be the victim anymore. I don't want people to look at me and just see the bruised, beat up girl I was a year ago," I sighed. "I want people to look at me and see someone healthy and in full control," I explained and looked up at him. "I want you to be able to touch me and me not flinch away. I want you to be able to kiss me without me cowering in fear. I want to be able to be physically intimate without having to be the one to always initiate it because I'm so fearful."

"How about we take baby steps, then?" He proposed.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He gently reached out and placed his hand on my face, I didn't flinch or back away. He kissed me slowly and gently, just once at first.

"Are you all right?" He asked.

I nodded, he kissed me again, this time slowly pulling the both of us down so that he was lying down on his back. I lifted my left leg up and over him so that I was straddling his waist. He took his hand away from my face and slowly moved his grip on me down to the backs of my thighs.

I was more impressed with him than I'm sure he was with me. While he was measuring my ability to stay calm and enjoy what we were doing, I was attentive to his control. He kissed down my jawline and then moved to my neck. I tilted my head at an angle and his lips moved across my neck with such grace and caution.

He pulled back gently and smiled, "Baby steps."

I nodded and smiled, "Baby steps."