Head Down

◤forty four◢

"Well."

Jaemin is anxious.

He bites his bottom lip, something he does when he's thinking about what to say.

He doesn't know why he put himself in this situation, all he knows is that since he's already in, he can't really get out.

His tongue feels heavy and dry in his mouth, and his fingers are drumming against his thigh as he attempts to formulate something so that he could cut through the stupidly awkward atmosphere.

"How are you?" He ends up asking, internally cringing at how unnecessarily formal he's being right now. He doesn't have to: it's not like he has anything to hide. Any front to put up.

It's not like he's talking to a stranger.

"I've been better. How are you?" Youngho asks back, seeming somewhat amused. He must've also recognized how unnecessary Jaemin's question was.

"G-Good," the younger answers, clearing his throat when his voice crack. God, he's being so embarrassing and for no reason.

Silence ensues once again, and Jaemin only feels his cheeks getting redder. He doesn't know why he's literally torturing himself with this, but it's just hard to get the words out with his head all jumbled and his heart all frazzled.

"Jaemin, is there something I can do for you? It's been ten minutes." Youngho asks.

Jaemin's palms are extremely sweaty.

"What does Jeno like?" He blurts out, biting his tongue at how he didn't word the question properly.

However, Youngho was answering before he could iterate it.

"You."

Jaemin's heart skips a beat at the word.

"N-No, I mean like—" He stutters, extremely flustered by Youngho's words. He takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself, and be less of a fool than necessary. "Date wise." He ends up whispering.

Youngho's eyebrows furrow in confusion

"Shouldn't you be asking Donghyuck such questions?" He asks. "He's the one who dated—" Youngho clears his throat. adjusting his tie. "Dated Jeno in the past." It seems like the prospect of his son and stepson having to have dated also makes him uncomfortable. As it should, Jaemin guesses.

"Yeah but he won't tell me anything valuable," Jaemin sighs, a bit more comfortable as the time passes. "He can't see Jeno in a romantic way after Mark. Even blocked out some memories from their time together. I guess it's for the better." Jaemin wonders if he's spilled too much, but by the way Youngho looks down as he's done talking, he knows it didn't matter. Youngho should feel bad about his previous decisions.

"Well in that case," he starts off quietly, lifting his head back up and squaring his shoulders. He clears his throat, steels his expression, and stares Jaemin dead in the eyes.

"Jeno likes quiet. He's always been soft spoken, something I've seen watching him grow up, and something my wife tells me. He likes nighttime more than daytime. He really like ramen, and he values the person he's with more than where they are. He's like Taeil in that way—"

Youngho catches himself, abruptly stopping his sentence and clearing his throat.

Jaemin smirks.

"How else is Jeno like Taeil?" He finds himself asking, suddenly ballsy out of nowhere. He guesses it's because Youngho showed a weakness; a weakness Jaemin happens to be heavily educated on.

Youngho remains silent to the question.

"Does Jeno like rocky road ice cream too?" He asks, smile to saccharine, it's scary. "Does Jeno like blackberries? Does he like maths? Does he like the colour green? House decor? Condrieu wine?

"Does Jeno like mandu?"

Youngho sucks in a sharp breath.

Taeil used to make mandu once a week when they were still married.

Stuffed Youngho's with pork and vegetables, always served with a homemade spicy soy sauce he didn't know how Taeil perfected each time. Would make sweeter brown sugar filled ones for Donghyuck. Back when Donghyuck was nine and still had a big sweet tooth.

Jaemin takes Youngho's silence as an invite to keep talking.

"You've had this conversation before," he starts, getting up from his seat and putting his backpack back on his shoulders. "Mark's been in my place, you already know Donghyuck's opinion on everything, and Jeno, well, I know his opinion on everything," he laughs, but it's void of any emotion, and it's just a bit too condescending for Youngho's liking. "But I don't think anyone has told you what I'm about to tell you,

"Yeah, you shouldn't have divorced Taeil. Shouldn't have taken Donghyuck's father away from him, especially because you gave them both no choice. You were selfish, Principal Seo. You shouldn't have married the mom of Donghyuck's ex-boyfriend, you were asking for trouble weren't you? You made a lot of mistakes.

"But Mr. Seo," Jaemin sighs, tone a little softer as he tries not to be too angry about what he's going to say next. "You shouldn't have lied to yourself. You shouldn't have compromised your happiness. You shouldn't have hidden yourself; who you really are, who you really love.

"It's okay, to be who you are. To love who you want. I'm not saying you don't love your wife, maybe you do. But was it worth it? Was closeting yourself worth it? Was losing your husband and your son worth it?

"Looking at all this; this family you feed, this school you've established, this office you're sitting in...

"Was it all worth it?"