what a strange name

ch.25(tw) (like maybe skip this chapter)

Pov. mj
It's been a week since I found out aria was alive. I keep having dreams about losing her again. I've had the urge to cut every single night.

They're starting to get too overwhelming. I can't keep doing this, but I need to quit. Maybe just once won't hurt anyone. As long as no one knows, they can't be upset, right?

I throw in my hoodie and a pair of jeans. I grab my wallet and start to head out the door. "where are you off to this late?" Ned asks, in his pjs sitting on the couch.

"I'm going to the corner store to get a snack and maybe a soda." I say. "here, can you get me a soda too?" He asks, giving me a five dollar bill.

"sure thing" I say, walking out the door. I walk down to the corner store and thank fully its still open. I walk inside.

I pick up two sodas, a box of razor blades, a razor handle, and a first aid kit. I walk up to the counter to pay.

"What's up with the razors and bandages dude?" The cashier asks. "I'm teaching one of my friends to shave her legs and she's really clumbsy. Thus the first aid kit." I say.

Luckily he believes me. I grab my things and walk home. I open the door and give ned his soda. I go back to my room before he can ask what else I got.

I open the small drawer by my bed that's supposed to be for photos and personal items. I put the razor handle in there and close it.

I roll up my sleeves and look at the scars. Most of them don't have any more blood, but you can tell they are only a week old. I open the box or shaving blades.

I take out one and open the smaller box it was in. It's so much sharper than my other blades were. It should woork perfectly.

I place the blade to my arm and wait. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe for some one to send me something funny or cute.

Maybe I'm waiting for aria to call me and tell everything will be ok. Tell me that she'll never leave again. Maybe I'm waiting for a  reason to live.

After holding it there for 10 minutes, I push down slightly and slide it away from my arm. My body melts with the familiar feeling. But the urge only grows, wants more.

I do it again. And again, and again, and again, and again, I don't stop until my phone buzzes. I look down hoping to see a message, all I see it my reminder to go to bed. I ignore it and put the blade back in its little box.

I put the blades in the little drawer by my bed, but I put the used one under my pillow. I grab the first aid kit and go into my bathroom.

I put my arn in the sick and turn on the faucet. I have to grab my mouth to stop myself from gasping at the new kind of pain. I've never had to clean it before.

The water runs over my skin and turns red. I realize that its useless, and take out my towel from under the sink. I ignore the other blood stains and hold it to my arm. The pain starts to melt away.

I take off the towel and go back to my bed. I grab the used blade out of its box again. I put it to my other arm, not waiting even a single moment. I drag it across my arm, again and again, even more than before.

I sit there, wanting to cut more, but out of room on my arms. I change into shorts and look at my legs. Not a single scar. I put the blade on my leg, hesitant to scar the surface.

I drag it across and drop the blade. I have to cover my mouth to keep from screaming. Then the urge changes. The urge to keep cutting my legs, and only my legs. I give in.

I drag the blade, again and again over my skin. By the end of it all, by legs at covered in blood. I grab the towel with blood stains on it, using it to soak up most of it.

I make my way to the bathroom, holding the towel on my arms and legs so I don't get blood on the ground.

I turn on the bath so I can clen myself up. I brought the first aid kit with me this time. I climb in and I can feel every single wound.

I lower myself into the water and realize that the world is fading. Before long, I pass out.

Pov. Aria
I'm sitting on top of a roof, thinking about the end. How easy it would be to just fall. To let the ground hit me, break me into a million pieces.

Then I think about mj. The fact that Peter said she hadn't been to school since I 'died'. That she couldn't even get out of bed.

I let venom surround me. I can't let her down. I need to talk to her. I need to see her. I have to remind myself that she's still here.

I make my way to her house, going from roof to roof until I'm at her window. I look inside, but she isn't there. Maybe I'll wait for her.

I here the bath turn off and decide I show leave, until I see an open box of razor blades knocked over. There is a razor blade covered in blood. No.

Venom dissolves around me. I knock on the window as I hear her getting in. I can't lose her. I eventually get the window open. I climb in and close it behind me.

I rush to her bathroom and that's when I see her. She's in the bath, I can't sew anything but her head. The water looks like blood. I realize that if I don't do something that she could be gone. Forever.

I open the bedroom sort and run into the living room. Ned is sitting on the couch. "hey mj, what else did-" "you need to call an ambulance."  I say, cutting him off mid sentence.

"aria?" He turns around quickly. "what happened? Who needs an ambulance?" He asks. "just let me use your phone!" I say. He gives me his phone.

"911 what's you emergency?"

"we need an ambulance at 2563 11th Ave."

"is there a reason you need an ambulance?"

"I think my girlfriend tried to kill herself."

"the ambulance is on the way. Stay on the line. Why do you think that?"

"I found her in the bath, the water was so bloody I couldn't even see anything but her head."

"ok. They will be there in 4 minutes."

When the paramedics arive, they rush her out to the ambulance. That's when I see how bad it really was. Every part of her, arms, legs. Every part of her is covered in cuts and blood. They won't even let me go to the hospital.

I go back outside, in the alley, and let venom surround me. It feels safe. Every time venom emerges I can feel the control slipping away from me and into the parasite, but it has become forgiving.

I return to the roof top of tallest building I can find. It just so happens that it's the stark tower. Venom lets me go. I walk to the edge and climb over the railing surrounding the roof.

I stand there, letting the wind blow through my hair. The heartache of seeing mj like that, of losing her, mixes with the bliss of knowing it will all be over soon.

I close my eyes and let go of the railing. I start free falling with nothing to stop me but the concrete sidewalk. I feel like in flying. I can her the wind on the ground.

All I can think of is joining mj. There is no way she could have survived. She was proably unconscious for a long time before I git to her. If I had gotten to her sooner, right as she had gotten in, I could have saved her.

Now I'm going to be with her forever. No one has to worry about me. Not ms.romanoff, not Peter, not ned, not wade, no one. I get to see my family. Mom, dad, Jacob. And I'll get to see mj. We'll never have to worry about losing each other again.

I should have hit the ground by now, right?