Of Literature & Kisses (Forbidden Romance)

Chapter 27 - For Me

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No amount of chamomile teas was enough to calm me down that night. I sat on the small chair in my bedroom, the bedside lamp turned on, and tried my hardest to pick up an urge to do something. To read, to write, to go through my laptop, to walk to my bed and sleep. I wanted to do absolutely nothing but sit still and keep drinking, the warmth of the mug a comfort in my palms.

I sat there for an hour, my mind running in circles before I could try to redirect the different currents and form conclusions.

The winter break, which had started with Dean's incessant phone calls, and continued with his random appearances at my house with my brother, pointedly watching me and using whatever moment he could to harass me, had slowly torn me apart for the entirety of the small vacation. I knew something was wrong with him, but I had chalked it up to a pervasive need to satisfy a bruised ego by bothering me with his attempts. Never had I felt the actual fear I experienced earlier today when I looked into the desperate fury in his eyes, followed by that dangerous frustration when he had stormed away from the school grounds.

Those eyes had been elsewhere. It hadn't been Dean. His character as a person had always been questionable. Always he had been the jock, the popular and handsome athlete with a spoiled ego that could fill the state of Massachussets and brim over to the rest of New England territory. Yet he had never been dangerous, just an unpleasant force to be around. Something had gone awry in him, something was most definitely different...

I didn't want to report him to the administration in the school's main office for one too many reasons that kept bouncing in my skull. One, I didn't want to have to deal with him anymore than I had to and incite any further wrath. Two, I didn't believe our principal or assistant principal would lift a finger against the school's star athlete, whose prominent father practically funded the athletic program, which was one of the only outstanding qualities of the school. Three, I didn't have the slightest desire to draw attention to myself from school staff or the student body. And most importantly, I didn't want to cause my brother any more stress. He already had enough to handle with at work and the extra hours he was taking on, maintaining us and this house for years, on his own. He had been robbed of so much because of what had happened to our parents, leaving him to care for two teens before he was barely an adult. I didn't want to stir the waters for something that I had barely any proof on.

I stood up from the chair, undecided, and turned off the lamp as I slid underneath the covers. If I fell asleep right now, I'd have four hours tonight. I stayed there in the dark until my eyes could hold up no longer, holding my knees to my chest as I thought of blue eyes and autumn foliage, willing them into my dreams.

•••

"You look like you're about to pass out, Cece. And I'm saying that with love," Phoenix said blatantly.

"Is this why you called me out of class? I'm going to miss the lecture."

"You're hardly awake! I've been watching you through the window!"

"Okay, and what do you want me to do?" I crossed my arms and looked at her expectantly.

"Nothing. Go back to class. I'll figure something out."

I went back inside and willed myself to pay attention, but the exhaustion was truly there, taking my mind away from the lecture so that I could hardly capture it in snippets.

The classroom door opened once more. "Sorry to interrupt. I have a pass for Celia Cedric. She's needed for about five minutes."

My teacher just waved it off and let me slip outside again, knowing I would make up whatever I missed. "What now? I'm sleepy, and honestly not in the greatest of moods."