𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐞𝐥; byler

𝐗𝐗𝐈𝐈𝐈

or "summertime sadness"

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*Will*

"Mike... let me explain..." Will said slowly, moving closer to the bed. Slow, careful, like Mike was a fragile bird he was terrified to scare away. He didn't even need Mike to tell him what was on the phone. He knew. 

He didn't have how to explain. He had no way to justify this atrocious act of his... But he had to try. Because he couldn't loose Mike, not over this.

"I didn't mean to snoop, but it popped up on the lock-screen.I shouldn't have opened it, I'm sorry... But I just had to know." Mike's voice was perfectly calm. Like everything was normal.  But that just freaked Will out even more.

He wanted him to yell, to shout, hit him... He knew how to deal with that, at least. But not with this quiet hurt.

"No, Mike, listen-" Will tried, pausing almost at the foot of the door. Before he could finish, Mike continued talking in that same zombie-like, quiet tone: his eyes still focused on the phone.

"How do you know Hazel? How do you have her Instagram?" Will felt tears starting to burn in his eyes. He knew Mike already knew the answer, but was too afraid to admit it. He hated that he had to tell him.

"I'm so sorry," He said, sliding onto the bed,"I swear I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry."

"Why do you have her Instagram?" Mike asked again, his voice finally louder. He turned his gaze to Will, his dark eyes full of desperation. Will shook his head, stifling his sobs. He hated that he had hurt Mike.

"Please tell me I'm wrong. Please tell me you didn't.... you didn't catfish me," Mike said, his voice breaking slightly in the end.

Will grabbed Mike's hands, but the raven-haired boy slid them away. His expression was twisted with sadness and just... pain. A single tear rolled down his cheek- Will had never seen Mike cry before.

"Don't cry, please! Just let me explain... " Will tried once more, wiping the tear off Mike's face in a frenzy. He didn't think Mike would be sad- he thought he'd be mad, and mad he could handle, but not this. Not this expression of heartbreak.

"What? Explain what, Will? That you pretended to be a girl and let me tell you all my secrets? That you let me fall for you, and then ignored me? that all those months talking to her, talking to you, everything was fake?" 

"No! Maybe she isn't real, Mike, but everything else is! I meant everything I ever wrote to you, I swear!" Will talked fast, trying to control his tears, "I swear, Mikey... "

Mike's tears started flowing faster down his cheeks as he shook his head no. 
"How could you do this?" He asked.

"I didn't mean to! It wasn't supposed to-" 

"Then what the fuck was it supposed to do? What did you think would happen? Huh?" Mike suddenly sprang to his feet, and he was yelling so loud Will wanted to cover his ears with his hands. And even though he thought the yelling would be easier to endure, it wasn't, because it wasn't an angry yell. It was a yell of anguish.

"I didn't think, I just wanted to talk to you because even at that party I knew you were exactly for me-" Will started, but Mike cut him off once again.

"Don't bullshit me! You knew exactly what you were doing! Now just tell me why you'd want to do this to me?" and this time Will's tears burst out like a waterfall. He couldn't stand Mike thinking he'd hurt him on porpoise.

"I didn't want to hurt you, you have to believe me," He said through the veil of tears blocking his eyes and his throat.

"How could I ever believe you ever again? Do you think I can ever trust you after this, Will?" His voice was back to that awful quiet.

"I don't know what else to do Mike, except tell you again how sorry I am."

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I thought I actually found a good person to love."

 He may as well have ripped Will's heart out with his bare hands. Because this was the first time he had ever told him that he loved him.

"I love you too, Mike,"

He just looked at Mike, his eyes begging him for forgiveness, wanting him to say it back and kiss him again and tell him that they were okay...

But Mike shook his head again, and turned to the door. 

No. 

Will couldn't let him go. This wasn't how he thought Mike's anger would go- this couldn't be it. 

He jumped up, blocking Mike's way. He put his arms on Mike's chest, inclining him to stay.
"Don't leave, Mike. Don't let us end. please! Yell at me, yell at me for as long as you want, fucking hit me as hard as you can-"

"What? Will, I'm not gonna hit you!" Mike looked shocked, but Will continued.
"Just do it, just hit me and then you'll stop being mad at me." Will took one of Mike's hands and started hitting himself on the chest with it. 

"The fuck is wrong with you? Stop! I'm not gonna hit you!" Mike exclaimed, pushing Will back gently and freeing his hands.

"I'm so sorry, Mike," Will tried one last time, "Can you please forgive me?" He leaned forwards, on the tips of his toes, and kissed Mike on his lips.... And Mike kissed him back, but not like he wanted him too... Like he just didn't want to hurt Will's feelings.

He slowly pushed himself away from Will's kiss, and stood there, thinking.

"No. Not right now. I really want to, but I just can't."

Will felt like he was punched in the gut. He had done everything he could've done, and still couldn't get Mike's forgiveness. He realized no matter what he did, he wouldn't be able to get Mike to stay.

Mike looked at him again, his freckled face wet with tears.

"Bye, Will." And he went to the door, and he went out.

But it wasn't until hours later, lying wide awake in his bed, that Will truly realized what had happened: That his relationship was really over. For some strange reason, the only thing on his mind was the chorus of a song, one line over and over again...

Kiss me hard before you go, summertime sadness...