𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐞𝐥; byler

𝐗𝐗𝐕𝐈

or "Confidence" 

-

-

7.53 am

And so the next day he decided to go to school. The whole entire day.

He put extra thought in his outfit that morning, finally settling on one of the more "outrageous" looks he had bought, a look he had wanted to wear for a while but never found the courage to.

It was a white shirt, with a soft pink tunic covering it since it was cold. He tucked the long shirt  halfway into a pair of black skinny jeans. On his neck, for the first time in his life, he wore a small gold chain. When he brushed his hair, his gaze inched to his desk. he felt a strange inkling to sit on the desk, the desk he had used for so makeup tries- and when he did, the weirdest sense of confidence surged through him.

He hadn't been planning to wear makeup today, nor had he worn it since that day with Mike, but he suddenly really wanted to. And when he smeared some pink eye shadow along with the lightest eyeliner,  he felt something click. He was being himself, his mom knew who he was, and he finally felt ready to embrace himself wholeheartedly. 

So he smiled at himself in the mirror, thinking once again about Mike. If it wasn't for Mike, if it wasn't for the months spent with the amazing boy and the months texting with him as Hazel, he didn't know if he could do such a thing.

He still missed Mike more than he had ever missed anyone in his life, more than he missed his brother who was away at college, but now he felt that even if he could never get Mike back, even if Mike did hate him forever (even though thinking that made his stomach hurt) At least through him he had found himself, cheesy as it sounds.

"Thank you, Mike." He said out loud, smiling again. He grabbed his backpack- and went out the door, hoping his newfound sense of comfort in his own body would last.

10.33 am

Okay. so truth be told, he didn't end up making it to advanced English.  He knew it was weak of him, but the thought of needing to sit by Mike for a whole lesson, sitting in an awful silence, was too great to bare.

Maybe tomorrow. Today, he just wanted to get through the rest of the day.

At math, he practically felt Jane and Max' eyes burning on his back the whole time. When the bell rang, indicating the class was over, he turned to them and waved to them with a smile.

They looked away quickly, blushing slightly- but Will swallowed his hurt. They'd be back to talking to him soon- and he had decided to stop trying so hard. He had apologized, and that's the best he could do. But without the hurt, a surge of anger ran over him. He was  done making excuses for them: They were being shitty friends.

He couldn't help cutting them off at the exit.

"You know, my one mistake doesn't define me. And just so you know, if one of you ever did something like this I'd be here for you." He gave them the worst stink eye he had ever given anyone, "And by the way Max- you're the one that started this all. You both did. "

He didn't even wait to see their shocked expressions, turning away and walking to his next class.

He was shocked from his audacity. He never would've imagined he had the guts to say something like this- but he was really happy he had.

12.45 pm

Lunch. The most dreaded hour of the day- and Will still hadn't decided what to do. Should he go to the lunchroom and try to sit with his friends? No. Too embarrassing, and he didn't know if he could take the rejection from so many people at once.

Should he sit alone? Still no. Sitting all alone in one of those huge tables would've been just as bad as trying to sit with his friends.

He decided to just take his lunch outside. He bought a tray of what he was pretty sure was meat, mashed potatoes and sweet peas, and a carton of chocolate milk. As he walked through the cafeteria he made sure not to look at the tables- at the off chance he's see Mike. He didn't want that.

So, he put his headphones on- not feeling as bad or lonely as he thought he would (Just a little)- and headed to the back exit, so he could sit on the bleachers by the football field.

All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands, I hate the beach but I stand in California with my toes in the sand...

He hummed. He couldn't help it- he loved the Neighbourhood. For the first time in that long, excruciating week, he felt like himself.

That is, until he felt a tug on his tunic- so strong he almost spilled the "meat" all over himself.

He turned around and sure enough- Troy and James. He almost rolled his eyes. He so didn't want to deal with them right now. 

"So, I guess the pretty princess is back to school. Where were you, in fairy land?" Troy laughed at his own idiotic comment, echoed by James. Will wasn't offended: He was done being offended by two high school narrow minded idiots. But he wasn't an idiot, and definitely didn't want another broken nose, so he just stayed silent.

"Yeah, with that shit on your eyes," James added. He spit on his fingers, and to Will's horror ran his finger over Will's eyes aggressively. When he could see again, James was looking at his now pink stained finger in disgust.

"You shouldn't wear that unless you're a fucking woman,"Troy muttered, wiping it on Will's jeans. 

"What do you want, Troy?" Will burst out. He didn't feel like doing this, it was too exhausting.

Troy ignored him, continuing with a wicked smile, "-are you a woman, with those fucking dresses and makeup? Or are you just a fag, or a transvestite, or what?" 

Again, Will almost rolled his eyes. Those slurs, like he was stuck in the fifties. He was so annoyed he wanted to scream. Maybe once upon a time he would of started crying, or be sad. But now, he was just annoyed. And honestly, he didn't think it was none of their business. He was tired of being labeled.

"I'm Will, nice to meet you," He said coldly, "Now- if you'll excuse me."
He turned back and continued walking towards the exit, feeling very badass.

And it's too cold, it's too cold- the holes of my sweater. 

The song finished quietly in his ears- the whole exchange had taken less than 5 minutes.

If only he'd known that another, dark haired boy had been watching quietly from inside a classroom.