❝Maybe you're not healing because you're trying to be who you were before the trauma; that person doesn't exist anymore. There is a new person trying to be born. Breathe life into that person.❞
━━ tvd seasons 1-2
━━ l. morgan standalone
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three human again
✧
MYSTIC FALLS NEVER CHANGED, BUT SOMEHOW IT FELT DIFFERENT NOW TO HER. All her life, Mystic Falls was always the same town going through the same cycle. Nothing new, nothing changed, everything staying the exact same no matter how the tides changed. And in some ways, it still was. The houses were still the same suburban build with front porches and columns, the same people still walked the streets, and the Mystic Grill was still where people gathered.
But it also felt completely different. The Mystic Grill, which used to be where she felt most comfortable, with the loud atmosphere and bustling behavior made her feel alive. Now, though, it was almost too loud for her sensitive ears. The boisterous mood wasn't inviting anymore, but it felt like a reminder that she – Lux Morgan – was never longer alive.
Lux was dead, she wasn't alive and thriving, fun and fresh dancing queen, because she was dead and this was who she would be forever. She looked at her friends, who looked the same as her, but knew how different they would be in ten years' time. They were going to grow up, they were going to move forward with their human lives, and Lux wasn't going to be around because she couldn't.
They were going to change and grow, and one day hopefully they would sit on their front porches and watch the sunset when their hair was grey and face covered in wrinkles, but that wasn't Lux. Lux was a dancing queen forever and ever, doomed to watch them all grow up and envy her friends because they were human – so beautifully human – and she was young forever.
Until now, she hadn't even realized how much she adored the simple human life. She always wanted something bigger. She wanted a city instead of small Mystic Falls, she wanted a challenging career instead of a low position here helping the town, and she wanted something larger than life. But now, now that the simplicity of a human life was stolen from her, she wanted that.
She wanted to grow old, she wanted to fall in love and hold their hand forever even when they were old and grey, she wanted to grow up. Lux the human wanted to stay young forever, but Lux the vampire just wanted to grow up. She wanted to age, wanted to get wrinkles, wanted her blonde hair to turn grey. She dreamed of that now, but her dreams were unfulfilled fantasies which could never turn true.
God, being a vampire sucked. But at least she wasn't alone now with Damon. It just sucked that he had this feud going on with his brother, because Stefan was hot but he was also a dick, which was a huge bummer.
But whatever, she could live without him. She had Damon, and Damon was being a great and generous guide for her.
Still, there was only so much that Damon could teach her. He could teach her how to hunt, how to not expose herself, but she was left to her own devices to just be a regular teenage girl again. She was a teenage girl, seventeen and thriving, but she wasn't.
