when the day met the night || ryden

not to break my little heart

☼

My leg bounced as I stared at the paper on my desk. I couldn't focus for the life of me.

     The whole time I was worried about what people thought of me. When people whispered, I thought they were whispering about the party. When people looked at me for not even a second, I thought they were judging me.

     "Urie, what's up?" Gerard crouched down next to my seat. I looked over to him and let out a sigh. "I'm scared, Gee." I admitted. He looked in my eyes. "About what?" He asked.

     I cleared my throat and prepared myself for any tears that could potentially try to form. "Your party. People know I like guys. Even if I told everyone I didn't, they'd still believe Dallon over me." I told him. Gerard gave me a sad smile and put his hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to tell them anything. If you want to tell them it's not true, go for it. If they don't believe you, tell them to go fuck themselves. You come out on your own time, not Dallons'." He told me.

     I nodded. "Yeah, that's what I've been planning. At this point, I just.. I don't want to be alone." I sighed. "You're not alone, Bren. You have Ryan, Spencer, me, you probably even have Tyler and Josh." He listed. "Yeah, I know. That's not what I meant." I mumbled. "What did you mean?" Gerard asked.

     "I don't want to be the only one who, uh, you know, is into the same gender." I explained. He nodded in understanding. "Ryan's into you, I'm into dudes." He said.

     "What?" I whispered, taken aback by what he just said. Gerard bit his lip. "Yeah, I, uh, I'm into guys. I'm only really out to Ryan and, well, you now." He explained. "Holy shit, not even Mikey?" I asked. "Not even Mikey." He chucked.

     "Gerard, go back to your seat."

     "Yes ma'am." Gerard stood up and looked at me before heading back.

     I felt like I would be more comfortable with people knowing if there where others who were out, but at the moment, there was none. Maybe it was just me being paranoid or maybe I just wanted to fit in. Either way, it left me feeling nervous.

     Pete groaned. "Dude, Dallon and Ryan got into it again." He whispered to me. "What happened this time?" I asked. "Something about him getting pissed  because Dallon kept making fun of you. Then he called Ryan 'George'. I don't know, ask Mikey." He explained.

     "Fuck, I should've just listened to Ry." I sighed. "Don't be too hard on yourself, you just wanted to make friends. It's fine, really." Pete smiled. "It was a stupid idea, though." I told him. "It was just you trying to be positive, you're gonna be okay." He told me.

"No, it's all my fault. If I didn't trust Dallon, none of this shit would be happening." I mumbled as i rested my head on the desk. Pete stared at me. "So, is what Dallon said, y'know?" He trailed off, avoiding eye contact. I sighed. "Yeah." I whispered.

The bell rang, signaling us to leave class.

"Oh, so, was he the only one you told?" Pete asked. "Yeah, dumb decision on my part." I nodded. "Brendon, listen-"

I didn't get the chance to listen to Pete. Before I knew it, I was being dragged through the hallways by someone who was running faster than I could ever manage.

We turned into the bathrooms and stopped in the corner.

"Ry? What's going on?" I panted. "Dallon's on my ass again because I punched him." Ryan explained to me. "Are you serious?" I groaned. "Yeah, other than that, how are you feeling?" Ryan asked me.

I sighed. "Terrified." I half-smiled. Ryan frowned. "It'll be alright, Bren. People probably don't care about what happened, they were all probably too focused on something else anyways." He tried to comfort me. "Well what if they did focus on me? What if they do care?" I asked.

Ryan wrapped his arms around me. "I promise you, if anyone bothers you they won't be doing it for long. I'm here for you, same with Ty and Josh and Gerard." He whispered.

His arms made me feel safe and secure, so I wrapped mine around him and pulled him even closer.

     I wanted it to last forever, but the bell for our next class rang. Ryan pressed his lips on my cheek before letting go.

     "We can just stay in here for class, can't we?" I asked. Ryan shook his head. "You know the teachers are already on us for ditching so much, it's better to be late than not show up at all." He told me. I sighed. Ryan gave me a sad smile. "Hey, it's okay. Right after this class we have lunch, then there's just two classes left. You got this." He told me.

     I immediately felt a little bit calm when he spoke. I hugged Ryan once again. "Thank you, Ry." I whispered. "Of course, do you want me to walk to class with you?" He offered. I let go of Ryan. "You don't have to, but if you really want to then go ahead." I grinned. Ryan immediately smiled. "Well, let's go then." He said before walking out of the bathroom.

     I followed him and stayed silent. "Why did you follow me?" I asked Ryan. He looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "What?" He asked. "When I ran out of the party, I didn't think you'd follow me." I said. Ryan shook his head. "Why would you think that?" He chuckled. "I don't know, I was being a dick and I thought you hated me." I shrugged.

     "I never hated you, Bren. I was upset, yeah, but I still wanted to stay with you. I can't hate you, ever. Also, I can't just watch you run out crying. You're my best friend, I have to help somehow." He told me. I smiled.

     "Oh, this is my class." I frowned. I wanted to continue to talk to Ryan, but I couldn't. Ryan nodded. "Well, I'll see you later." He waved before walking away. "Yeah, bye!" I said. He turned to look at me, then gave me a smile.