Fix me up | 707 x Hacker!Reader

It has to stop

Hi guys. Honestly, I don't know how many of you will see this, but... I really need to vent out. Also, I will not be checking any grammar, because what I'm going to tell you is honestly a part of me, a part of what I am going through every day at the moment. Maybe it's childish, but I really had enough of everything. I'm writing this here because this is one of my most precious book I have ever done, especially because of all of your encouragement and support, and for that I will be forever grateful. I hope that I will receive some of that support now as well, but I will be just glad if someone listens to me. I hope that I am not selfish, because I am not the only one going through something right now, of this I am sure of, especially with everything that's going on in the world: the coronavirus and so on ( I hope everyone is healthy, happy and well, from the bottom of my heart).

The reason why I have stopped writing and continuing the second book of "Fix me up" and my Undertale fanfiction( if you can believe it, I even started working on a Harry Potter fanfiction last summer) is not because I am lazy. I love writing, it's the only thing that keeps me sane, besides music. The reason as to why I have stopped is because of high school.

I was really excited when I first started high school last year. I got into my dream high school and I was really excited for a new beginning. However, as time passed, I got more and more depressed: I was bullied, and I still am. I was betrayed ( today was the fourth time) by my new friends, whom I loved ( I still do) dearly, even though I have know them for only 7, nearly 8 months. However... as much I love them, they have betrayed, blamed, used and ridiculed me in so many ways... I have lost count as to how many times they have treated me like garbage. However, because I was so afraid to lose them, I kept silent and I didn't say anything. I pretended that I didn't see or hear anything, that they don't talk behind my back. I continued hanging out with them, creating fun and loving memories.

Why? Because I am so stupid and afraid and a coward. Honestly, I am so dependent of them. Do I even love them? Or am I just afraid of change, of loneliness? Afraid of what I will be without them? I don't know, I am so confused... but, one thing that I know for certain: the relationship I have with those friends is extremely toxic.

That's why it needs to stop. I can't keep on crying, every single damn day and I can't worry about everything I say or do so that they won't get mad or judge me for who I am. With the support of my family and friends, the REAL ones, I will let them go. It will hurt, and I am extremely scared for the future, but... I just can't keep doing this.

I am also planning on moving to a new school. There are high chances that I will go to a high school somewhere in Holland. So... yeah. Wish me luck guys, because I will need it.

Thank you so much for listening to me and... I hope that everyone is healthy and well. And, be strong, alright? All of this madness with coronavirus will pass... it will take some time, but everything will be alright.

Take care of yourselves and, once again, thank you for listening!

P.S. : I will try to update any of my books soon ( as soon as I rezolve everything messed up in my life right now). I promise.