Feelings

Chapter 14

The night went pretty smoothly for Melendez and Lim. Sure, it wasn't as passionately wonderful as Lim had hyperbolized when she had asked Melendez to go steady with her, but it had still been pretty great. They both figured it would take practice like anything else. It had been five minutes already, so Melendez finally broke the silence, "Hey, Audrey?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Is everything alright?" he questioned hesitantly.

"Yeah, it's fine," she responded, "Just thinking about what you said earlier."

Melendez scowled at the ceiling, "About what?"

Lim sighed and moved closer to him. He wrapped his arm around her and she said, "About the after effects. I don't know what happened to me. I used to thrive on being in the emergency room. I felt safe there. It was my comfort zone. But ever since that day..." she trailed off, "I don't know. I feel so vulnerable. I just can't help but see those two passengers and Tyler all lying there in body bags, the look on Morgan's face when she realized Tyler was gone, the look on your face when you saw me lying there, worrying if the next time you saw me, it would be my dead body, wondering if there is life after death and what it would feel like if I did die," she rambled, "I feel the need to scrub every surface for germs, I'm afraid that every time someone coughs, they have that virus even though my rational side knows it's most likely something else and worst of all, I don't know I feel this way because I'm...well, me."

"Audrey," Melendez kissed her forehead, "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

Lim sighed, "I mean, we just started seeing each other a few weeks ago, and quite frankly I'm embarrassed to admit it. I mean, I see suffering all the time as a trauma surgeon and I've lost patients before. You can't do the kind of work we do and expect a positive outcome for every case," Melendez nodded his understanding, "But seriously Neil, what will the rest of the hospital think if a surgeon who was a serious contender for Chief of Surgery is suddenly seeing a shrink? I mean I was 3-2 according to Vegas if Andrews hadn't kept it for himself," she said with contempt and Melendez chuckled, knowing all too well how she felt. Another thought hit her, "What will Andrews think?"

Melendez took a deep breath and stroked her cheek, "This is my professional opinion, but I think that just like you need rehab to help you heal your lungs, maybe you need someone to help you heal your thoughts. I promise you, Audrey, it doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger because you're facing your fears."

Audrey sighed, still not entirely on board with the idea, "Well, as long you're by my side, I can do anything. I feel a lot safer when you're around," she said. They both finally fell asleep, but when they woke up the next morning, Lim asked "So, do you have to work today?" she sat up in bed.

"It's Saturday, Lim," said Melendez.

"I know, but still," she mocked.

"No, I'm actually going to visit Gabi today," he responded.

"Oh, well that sounds fun," answered Lim.

"Hey Audrey, do you have any plans for today?" asked Melendez.

"Just laundry and you know how much I love doing that," she said sarcastically.

"Did you want to come with me today? I think Gabi would love to see you," said Melendez.

"I'd like that," she got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom before she stopped herself, "Are we going to tell her that you and I are, you know, seeing each other?"