Feelings

Chapter 21

Lim woke up the next morning and she could hear Melendez still snoring next to her. She had another counseling session that day and she really didn't want him accompanying her to this one, so she did her best to try to shower and dress quietly. Unluckily for her, Melendez was a light sleeper, so he stirred when he heard her opening and closing drawers, "Good morning," she smiled softly.

"Morning," he smiled, "Going somewhere?"

"My appointment with Dr. Jacobson, remember?" she reminded him.

"Oh yeah," he recalled, "Did you want me to go with you?"

Lim shook her head quickly, "No, I'll be okay by myself today. Maybe we can do something when I get back."

"Alright maybe we can catch," he thought hard for a moment, "Whatever superhero movie is playing like we used to when we were residents."

"Captain Marvel?" Lim supplied helpfully.

"Yeah that," said Melendez.

"Alright, I'll see you soon," she kissed him.

"Have a good session. I love you," he said. It seemed to come so naturally to him.

Lim briefly hesitated before she said, "I love you too," Lim decided to treat herself to a Starbucks Iced Cinnamon Dolce Latte as a reward for having to put up with dressing fancily and mingling with donors the night beforehand. She arrived at the counseling center and Dr. Jacobson called her back almost immediately, "Nice to see you again," Lim greeted politely.

"You too, Audrey," said Dr. Jacobson, "Is Neil not joining us today?"

Lim shook her head, "No, not today. I actually wanted to discuss a few things without him."

"Of course," said Dr. Jacobson, "Well, first of all, how have things been going for you at work?"

"It's been going well," answered Lim happily, "No panic attacks, no major issues, the relaxation techniques you taught me work for things even outside of the triggers, so far, no real stress other than the pressure that naturally comes with the job of being a trauma surgeon."

"Well, that's wonderful to hear," said Dr. Jacobson, "And everything outside of work is going well too?"

Lim sighed, knowing whom Dr. Jacobson was partly bringing up into the discussion, "Yes," she said hesitantly, "Our hospital's annual charity gala was last night and we went together, so that was the first time our co-workers and superiors found out about us."

"And no negative reactions?" ventured Dr. Jacobson.

"No," Lim shook her head, "At least not yet. Our boss was too busy making small talk with important donors to say much."

"Is something bothering you, Audrey?" asked Dr. Jacobson.

"I don't know if bothering me is the right word, it's just...." Lim took the time to compose her thoughts, "He told me he loved me last night."

"I see," said Dr. Jacobson.

"And I said it back," added Lim.

"Well, are you having second thoughts about what you said?"

Lim quickly shook her head in interruption, "No, not at all. I really do love him with all of my heart, I'm just..." Lim trailed off again, "I'm just scared to let my guard down. With my last marriage, I, of course, worked the same long hours I do now. My ex-husband really didn't like it. He wanted me to work less. As time went on, we did nothing but fight before we finally divorced. And once Kashal and I divorced," Lim forced herself not to cry, "To deal with the hurt and the anger, I threw myself into my work. I basically married my job, because it would never let me down. And I guess that's why I've stuck to an attitude of not being committed to relationships. I promised myself I would never get hurt like that again. But now, surviving that respiratory virus, getting together with Neil, I haven't been this happy in a really long time. I'm scared I'm going to get hurt again if I let my guard down and completely fall for him, because ever since my divorce, I'm afraid it's not going to be real even when it feels real," she ranted, though in the back of her mind, she knew she already had fallen head over heels for Melendez, "That's the most I've told someone about my romantic life, well, ever."

"Well, Audrey, the key to any good relationship is open and honest communication, so I think you know what I'm going to suggest you do," smiled Dr. Jacobson.

Lim nodded, "Yeah," she confirmed.

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Lim arrived home and quickly grabbed a few things she needed before she drove over to Melendez's house. He answered the door after she knocked and he grabbed his car keys, "Ready to go?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about last night," admitted Lim.

Melendez's heart sank. Did she regret making their relationship public? Was she having second thoughts about being with him at all? He stepped aside and she entered the living room, "What's going on, Aud?"

"Listen, last night, I don't know if I came off as brash or rude, but when you said...you know to me, it was really unexpected for me," she rambled.

"I know and I didn't mean to tell you that in the manner that I did," said Melendez, "I was going to wait for a more intimate setting."

"I was shocked, to say the least," she chuckled, "But I guess, the reason I've been so hesitant to open up to you or let my guard down when it comes to this...us...loving you," she stopped but Melendez stayed silent, so she continued her confession, "Is because ever since my divorce, I can't help but think no matter how real this feels, it's not," Melendez nodded understandingly, "I married my job and kept things casual with every man that came into my life so I wouldn't get hurt again like I did back then. But then you came along and SARS came along and I was done with being cautious because it all almost ended that day. But the idea of fully opening myself up to you and to make a full commitment to you scares me."

"I know," Melendez whispered to her.

Lim smiled softly, "But these past few months you've seen me at my worst, both physically and emotionally, which is something that usually takes years for most couples, and you never once thought about leaving me. You know we both work the same ridiculous hours, but with some effort on both of our parts, you showed me we can balance our professional lives with our personal lives. Who knows where life will lead us, but I can't wait to make that journey with you," she kissed him, "I love you, Neil, with all my heart."

"I love you too," he smiled, "Now enough with the sap and let's go see Wonder Woman."

"Captain Marvel," Lim corrected.

"Whatever," smirked Melendez as they went to his car. They spent the rest of the day watching the movie, Lim hogging the popcorn to the point where Melendez got about five pieces, just like old times, and when they got back to Melendez's house, they spent the evening eating, talking, watching TV, and acting like they had been together for years. And right now, they both wouldn't have it any other way.