Feelings

Chapter 16

It took another week or so for Lim to build up the courage to finally schedule an appointment with the counselor Dr. Bradley had recommended, mostly because she was still convinced she would get better on her own. But when the flashbacks and nightmares continued, she still startled easily, and she wasn't up for any sort of romantic endeavors, she knew her symptoms weren't going to disappear on their own. Melendez had wanted to go to her first appointment with her, but she had adamantly disagreed, "I need to go to this first one alone," she had told him.

The day of her first session finally arrived and she arrived to the center around mid-morning. It was warm and inviting, much different than what she was used to at St. Bonaventure. Lim patiently waited for her name to be called, and soon, a blonde woman who appeared to be in her early forties appeared, "Audrey Lim."

Lim swallowed thickly and waved her hand slightly, "That's me."

She followed the counselor back and found an office that looked pretty much like any office, only there were two chairs and a couch in there as well, "Have a seat, Dr. Lim," she said. They both sat down and she smiled, "Well, I'm Dr. Jacobson, it's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Lim," she acknowledged.

"Please, call me Audrey," said Lim.

"Alright then, Audrey," Dr. Jacobson smiled, "So, your primary care provider is Dr. Joanna Bradley, is that correct?"

"Yes, that is correct," Lim confirmed softly.

"And she believes you might be exhibiting symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder?" asked Dr. Jacobson.

Lim sighed but nodded, "Yes, I sort of find it hard to believe, but I've been having certain symptoms that won't go away."

Dr. Jacobson nodded, "Well, psychotherapy for PTSD typically has about 8-12 sessions depending on how you respond, and in a few sessions, you will be facing the traumatic event and your symptoms, but today, I'm just going to get a little bit of background information on you. Does that sound okay?"

"Of course," Lim agreed.

"Well, if you can tell me a little about yourself? Where you're from, your job, your hobbies, stuff like that," said Dr. Jacobson.

"Well, I was born in Taipei, Taiwan, my family came to the United States when I was eight, we settled in San Francisco," Lim began.

"Okay and what about your family?" asked Dr. Jacobson.

"My mother and father are both gone, my brother lives in Dallas," said Lim.

"Okay, so do you have any support in San Jose?" asked Dr. Jacobson gently.

Lim nodded, "Um. My co-workers, my colleagues, a few close friends, and my boyfriend."

"Well that's good," said Dr. Jacobson, "It's shown that individuals with a strong support system recover more quickly. So you mentioned co-workers. May I ask where you work and what you do for a living?"

"Well, I'm a trauma surgeon at San Jose St. Bonaventure Hospital, I've been there since my internship," said Lim.

"And I'm assuming you work a lot of hours?" ventured Dr. Jacobson.

"Yes, but it's my choice. I love what I do," said Lim.

"Well, that's good to know. But when you're not working, what do you do?" asked Dr. Jacobson.

"Well, when I'm not working or running errands, I like surfing, hiking, being outdoors, riding my motorcycle, those are the main things. I also enjoy reading mysteries and watching horror, action, or comedy movies," listed Lim.

"Alright, and you mentioned having a boyfriend?" said Dr. Jacobson.

"Yes, but we've only been together for about a month. We've been friends for years though. We spend some time together but he's also a surgeon at St. Bonaventure, so he works long hours as well," explained Lim.

"I see," said Dr. Jacobson, "As long as you both get to spend some time together outside of work."

"We do," confirmed Lim.

The two doctors talked a little bit longer, though Lim was silently wondering when they were going to get to the issue at hand. About an hour into the 90 minute session, Dr. Jacobson finally asked, "Okay, now to the tough part," said Dr. Jacobson, "Can you give me a little bit of background about what it is that you went through recently that the flashbacks and nightmares are about?"

Lim swallowed thickly, "It was a mutation of SARS that I contracted during a shift in the ER right before Christmas," her voice quivered, "It was spreading fast with a dismal outcome. Thankfully, one doctor who wasn't quarantined directed the two residents who were quarantined in the ER on how to keep me alive," Dr. Jacobson had the feeling she might know which doctor, but she wasn't going to bring it up unless Lim did, "It killed people within hours after infection, so I was terrified I was going to die."

"Well, that's a valid fear, considering the fact that I'm sure you were watching it kill the other patients," said Dr. Jacobson.

Lim nodded, "I was the head trauma surgeon on call, so I had to make all of the calls and keep everything running smoothly."

Dr. Jacobson looked at the time, "Well, we are out of time for today, but during our next session, we can start getting into the details about the trauma."

Lim nodded and stood. She was a little disappointed they didn't jump right in because she wanted all of her symptoms gone, but her medical side knew that recovery from anything took time. She stood to leave, but turned to the therapist and asked, "Am I allowed to bring people to my sessions?"

"Depends on you comfort level, but you can have individuals accompany you if you wish," confirmed Dr. Jacobson.

"Thanks," said Lim.

Lim wasn't surprised that Melendez showed up at her house later that evening and she was relieved to see him. When she let him into the house, he hesitantly asked, "How did it go?"

"Alright, I guess. Dr. Jacobson seems nice enough. We didn't really get into too many details today, so..." Lim stopped mid-sentence.

"Right, of course," nodded Melendez.

"She also said I could bring people," Lim stated out of the blue.

"Oh you can?" asked Melendez surprised. Lim nodded, "So I guess you want me to...?"

"If you can, but I don't expect you to take off of work or change your shifts if you can't," she said.

"Audrey," said Melendez, "If it helps you, I'll do it."

"Neil, you have your own life outside of me," said Lim.

"But you are a part of my life now," Melendez emphasized, "And in a way, I was also a part of this whole ordeal, so it might be an idea to have me there sometimes."

Lim wrapped her arms around him and Melendez kissed the top of her head, "What would I do without you? And I wondered that even before we started dating."

"Well, you'd probably still be wearing comic book t-shirts out in public and eating the exact same lunch every day at work," joked Melendez.

Lim looked up at Melendez in mock anger, "Just for that, I'll be wearing one the next time we go out on a date. And I'll wear my glasses to top it all off with the nerdy girlfriend look," she smirked.

"On one condition," Melendez walked closer to her, "If you're up to it tonight, you wear just the glasses and nothing else."

Shivers went down Lim's spine, but for once in a good way, "Well, you know right now, it's whether or not my lungs decide to cooperate, but I don't see why not?"